Grr..My Mother

[MRH]

Well I went to the White Rose Shopping Center in Leeds (England) with my mum today. I wasnt really having such a great day as I get a little anxious in public. I usually walk with my head down but I decided to look up today to try get over my fear of people. Anyway I saw this woman and I thought "wow shes really tall." Then when I looked closer I realised she was a biological Male. I'll use female pronouns as I assume this person is transgendered or if they are just cross dressing i'm sure they'd like to be seen as a woman. She did pass quite well but her jaw seemed quite masculine and there was just something in her face that gave her away. I knew what was coming and a few seconds later it happened. My mother whispered "Look at that ->-bleeped-<-." and s->-bleeped-<-ed. I think she was expecting a similar response from me but I said "Well I think he (if i'd said she my mum would of laughed) looks good." to which she replied "No he doesnt. He's clearly a man."
I didnt really want to say much so I just told my mum to "leave him alone." This is way I fear telling my mum. To her everything is a big joke if its abnormal. I remember once we stopped somewhere to ask for directions and when we drove off my mum said "woah inbred." This guy we asked didnt look remotely inbred! Im ashamed to admit that her behaviour has rubbed off on me a little over the years as I have made some hurtful remarks based off first impressions. I dont tell her much about my mental health issues because I know for a fact she will be off to tell her friends. She has done before. Everytime we walk past someone who is cleary gay, lesbian, cross dressing, oddly dressed, odd looking I know that she's gonna have a laugh about it and i'm always right.

[My Name Is Ellie]

I think it is a lot different when you have first hand experience. My friends for example were always making raccist comments before they met me and my friend (my friend is black) - then something clicked and they stopped, at least around him.

That's not to excuse it at all, just often we need a shock to make us realise what we're doing is wrong.

[spacial]

We can chose our friends but not our family.

You clerly have a bit of a mountain to climb with your mum.

I am sorry that I didn't realise, before, that you are in England. It's a lot easier to relate to another English person to understand  the social problems you are facing.

We have a long way to go here. I'm mentioned some of my own experiences. Take things slowly and remember to secure your ground before you make any declaration.

[accord03]

I'm sure if you were to come out, her reaction would totally be different. She would be shocked and make some remarks but she'll come around to it and most likely would stop making fun of those people cause it is happening to her own child.

Everytime she mentions about someones looks and stuff just stand up and be like "dont say that" or somethng. Show that you don't like it.

[Sinnyo]

I agree that first-hand experience does alter a person's perceptions. I face a similar mountain with my Mum, but she seems to be acclimatising to my particular case, at least.

Though I don't think she would say such a thing in public, she's often remarked upon people on TV; often women with short hair, dressing in jeans and a t-shirt. She seems rather ignorant of a few common sense ideas, not least of which is the right to personal expression. I do what I can to politely but sternly point these things out, and try to reel it back in to my own circumstances too, as she knows some of what I'm going through. I fall just short of pointing out that she often wears trousers herself - there's nothing like attacking a person to make them withdraw even further.

Best of luck in coaxing your mother out of this. Dealing with ->-bleeped-<- usually makes us better, more empathetic people, and I think the same can be said for those around us, in time.