Down boy

[NatalieRene]

I got asked out by another guy again this evening while I was out eating dinner. It seems since going full time a quite dinner now means a dinner at home. Don't get me wrong I'm flattered by the attention and probably in some way I'm not aware of lead them on because it's new to me but I hadn't realized just how much guys think about sex.

How do you get a guy to open up and get past the bedroom when you talk with them?

[Megan]

Talk about non-sexual topics, deep stuff like their future and crap. But I am still a guy right now.

[Jillieann Rose]

I say you around the wrong type of men if all they think about is sex and don't seem to be able to control themselves.
If he's not a gentleman around you than he's not worth wasting time with.
My thoughts anyway.

Jillieann

[NatalieRene]

I say you around the wrong type of men if all they think about is sex and don't seem to be able to control themselves.
If he's not a gentleman around you than he's not worth wasting time with.
My thoughts anyway.

Jillieann

ok I guess the operative question is where do you find gentlemen then? Because it seems like I get the hey baby response all over town.  I guess bars are out, even regular places like TGI Fridays.

[kyril]

Well, you say you were asked out, but then you say that the guys aren't gentlemen and are thinking about sex...that doesn't compute for me, unless you're using "asked out" to mean "explicitly invited over to their place to have sex."

[Vicky]

Going out with a girlfriend (GG or TG) helps a bit on calming down the "T" hormone overdrive.  The two of you girls will be having a NON SEX discussion, and its fine if the guy wants to join in, especially if it borders on the guy realm of interest.  You have set some conversational parameters where he can go "guy" but not "sex".  If he happens to have a head above his neck tie line, he's been invited to use it, but if all he's got is the head covered by his zipper, you have a way of ignoring him, not blasting him off, just ignoring him and still having a good time!!

[NatalieRene]

Well, you say you were asked out, but then you say that the guys aren't gentlemen and are thinking about sex...that doesn't compute for me, unless you're using "asked out" to mean "explicitly invited over to their place to have sex."

This evening no but I'm feeling pessimistic. The guy tonight sat down and was talking with me and after dinner he offered to pay for my meal even though he had just met me. Before he left he asked me out. I guess I was hopeful and gave him my number but the few dates I've been on the guys seem to expect something at the end of the date which is a lot faster then I am looking to go.

I have had other people at TGI's bar and at Tonics (a restaurant on campus in DC where I work) try to pick me up. Not being interested in something so shallow I send them packing but I wouldn't mind meeting an actual nice person. I'm just not sure where to look.

[Jillieann Rose]

Natalie Rene,
In bars and night  clubs many guys have a sex agenda and they expect the women to have similar intentions. If you just want a one night stand I guess that okay place to meet a guy.
How about this?
Do you have a hobby, craft or sports that you are into?
I love nature so I belong to a group that meets ones a month and has outs in between.
There I have meet some real nice guys and girls.
So I would look for a club or group that has similar interests as your own and meets and socializes.
That way you will have more than the weather and sex to talk about if you get my drift.
Jillieann

[kyril]

You'd be hard-pressed to find a guy (who is straight and not under some sort of conservative religious restriction) who wouldn't want sex at the end of a date that went well. As long as he's not pressuring you or acting like you owe it to him, he's...just being male. if you don't want to, if you're not ready, or if you just want to get to know each other better first, then tell him that and use his reaction to that to gauge whether or not he's worth seeing again.

Of course, if you're not the dating sort and you prefer your relationships to grow out of friendships, then you can just blow off any guy you meet who's obviously only talking to you because he's attracted to you, and instead go meet people in environments where you're likely to have interests in common and make friends. You're not under any obligation to talk to guys who approach you based on your looks/you being alone in a bar. But they're not (necessarily) creeps, and they're not (necessarily) only interested in sex - they just have a different approach to relationships/dating from what you might prefer.

[JudahLiam]

Most men are going to want sex, but the trick is finding a guy who isn't a jerk and likes you enough to wait.  He is human he is going to be thinking about it, but if he is a good guy and he is into you he won't show it

[lilacwoman]

If the guy was nice enough to pay for your dinner and ask you out then he isn't all bad.   take him up on the offer but make sure you go out and not straight home to bed.   
Have a proper date cos he might just be Prince Charming.

[Cindy]

As JillieAnn posted,
If you want to meet people who have similar interests and not just meat markets, try hobby groups. I know it sounds foody doody, but joining a theater group, literature group, any sort of group usually puts you into contact with people who want friends.  They do have odd people but they are also a mixing pot for people who don't want to go out get drunk, get sh*****d. But want to meet people.

Worked for me when I came to Australia as a 23 yr old and knew no one. Thinking of doing it again, don't even care too much if I'm the 'TG woman she's nice to talk to sort her of response.'

People like company, important to find what you want with the company.

I really wasn't taken with the guy I overheard - and I pretty sure he was full of it; saying "I have six condoms in my wallet and replace them every week."  I think there was the "if you boast you are toast" reaction in my mind, but also not someone I would  not wish to spend time with in any circumstance.

Cindy

Cindy

[Fencesitter]

I really wasn't taken with the guy I overheard - and I pretty sure he was full of it; saying "I have six condoms in my wallet and replace them every week."  I think there was the "if you boast you are toast" reaction in my mind, but also not someone I would  not wish to spend time with in any circumstance.

Off-Topic:
it's not good for condoms to be squeezed in a wallet.   I'd have loved to embarrass him for that. This guy was really not clever at boasting.

Back On-Topic:

NatalieRene,
I think you'll find out pretty fast what this guy wants from you. Take care of your security.
And also, there's a difference between being attracted to someone and objectifying them, which is not always very obvious especially if the guys are clever enough to hide it well.

http://www.leftycartoons.com/street-harassment/