So I'm in a situation where I still rely on my parents (mainly dad) to buy me food and clothing and etc, and he offered to get me some new clothing recently. I've wanted some for a while and I thought he would let me buy whatever I want...
But after talking with him about it, he's being kind of unreasonable. A week or two ago he mentioned putting me in summer dresses to make me look more girly, and I assumed it was just a joke, because, you know, me in a summer dress isn't likely. But today he kept on saying that I need to buy dresses, and that he'd look at what I was buying before he paid, so he could see if I could have them or not, then he added "each item of clothing has to have atleast one flower on it." Wtf? I have never worn dresses before and now that I've come out as transsexual he's pushing all of this girly crap in my face. He actually said "I'll make you go out in a long frilly dress, with a bow in your hair and plastered up in make-up." Argh! He then showed me some jeans he wanted me to wear and I said I didn't like them, and he asked me why and I said "well, would you wear them?" and he said no because they were women's jeans, and then told me to shut up when I said that was the reason why I didn't like them. He has stressed the point of 'making me wear what he wants' quite a few times too. And what gets me even more is that I was saying to my sister (after all of the above, and also the same sister who didn't talk to me for a week after finding out about me) that he was being an ass about it, and she just started defending him, saying he must of just been looking out for the price, though he never mentioned it. I'm starting to think new clothes will just be a terrible idea and it'll tear holes in our relationship- even though he is going to have to come to terms with the fact that I will never be the daughter he wanted. I'm just so annoyed at him, and my sister, both of them make out as if my dad knows best just because he wants me to act like a girl. I also mentioned another haircut to my dad (shorter on the sides and longer on the top, kinda like this guy:
http://i48.tinypic.com/23rs3ep.jpg) and my dad was all "but it's short enough" But hopefully, even if the clothing goes to s**t I'll still be able to get that haircut without him making too much of a fuss.
I kind of also want to come out to the rest of my family, even though the thought somewhat terrifies me, but I think if the rest of them knew my dad might act differently, and more accepting? Idk, I think some of my family might be more open-minded than I think; but then again I thought my sister would be cool with this, and even though we've danced around the subject a teensy bit I still get the feeling she absolutely hates my guts because of what I am. Even when I started binding, no-one (except my mum and dad) questioned me about my flat-chested-ness even though it is really noticeable, so I think if I just start gradually wearing boy clothing, the rest of them might figure it out themselves? I'm just in such a rut. My parents might still be possibly getting a divorce, and that terrifies me to no end, the thought that I'd have to live with my dad because only he can provide for me, but I know he'd try to impair my transition as much as he could. Even though I want a job ASAP I have no idea how to handle money and I'm just a wreck and looking after myself. I don't know if transitioning will even work while I'm still living with my parents, or rather my dad.
I know I don't have a
terrible life here, and a lot of people might think that I shouldn't be complaining because my situation could be a lot worse, but I'm just so jealous of cis-guys, and people who are happy with themselves without having their family pushing them back, and guys who have already started HRT and I just think that I'll never be able to get where I want to be.
