I hate living two lives!

[CrazyTina]

I work and go to school, so right now I am living two lives, one as a male, and the other as female.

I don't think I am passing as female though, I have short hair covered with a pink bandana. I have foundation and stuff so facial hair isn't a problem.

I shave both my arms and legs, but I am not sure what it is that is keeping me from passing.

But more importantly, how can I keep from living 2 lives. My name has not been changed yet so I will still be called my birth name at work/school... but I am not ready to change it yet.

At work, my peers are making an effort to use gender neural/feminine pronouns. However bosses may not even know yet.

I don't like pretending, I want to be full time...

suggestions?

[CrazyTina]

Hormones?

I do not have a counselor yet... And the family doctor referred me to an endocrinologist... The family doc said I would probably need a letter from the counselor saying that I should get hormones before the endocrinologist prescribes them.

[Janet_Girl]

You have to decide what it is you want.  Full time or continue living two lives.  We have all came to this point and had to make that decision.

Ask yourself if you are ready to go full time.  Name changed?  HRT?  Therapist?  Are you mentally ready?  Paperwork set up?

[CrazyTina]

Ask yourself if you are ready to go full time. 

yes! Absolutly.

Name changed? 

Not sure if I am ready to do that yet, but it is not too far off, maybe 4 months or so. But I will go by Christina regardless of what my legal name is.

HRT? 

Working on it, will start ASAP.

Therapist? 

Would be nice, and may need to get Hormones. Have 3 in mind, have to get money then make an appointment.

Are you mentally ready? 

I hope so. I have been crossdressing in public for a month, finally out of the closet. I am confident regardless of my not passing to everyone, or maybe I am just imagining the stares I see out of the corner of my eye. >_<

Paperwork set up?

hmm? Paperwork? for what?

[Janet_Girl]

Once you change your name, everything has to be changed to it.  Bank records, drivers license, school records, work records.   Everything need to be in your name, the new one that is.

[CrazyTina]

Once you change your name, everything has to be changed to it.  Bank records, drivers license, school records, work records.   Everything need to be in your name, the new one that is.

Ah yes, you are right. I guess I will worry about that when it gets closer to time to change my name.

[Nigella]

Hi there,

I remember that well, living two lives and hating every minute of it. Anyway, there are so many nuances to passing, some people are naturals and others have to work at it. It involves, the way we hold ourselves, walk, posture, body language, dress, make up (not over the top) if you wear it. confidence, voice (a big give away), internation (the way we speak), the words we use, and much more.

Seeing a therapist is really the first step to help you through your thought's, emotions, baggage it will help you to begin to understand yourself apart from the HRT as well. etc. Believe me its a roller coaster ride.

I wish you well and hugs I know where you are at and its not a nice place.

Stardust 

[CrazyTina]

Hi there,

I remember that well, living two lives and hating every minute of it. Anyway, there are so many nuances to passing, some people are naturals and others have to work at it. It involves, the way we hold ourselves, walk, posture, body language, dress, make up (not over the top) if you wear it. confidence, voice (a big give away), internation (the way we speak), the words we use, and much more.

Seeing a therapist is really the first step to help you through your thought's, emotions, baggage it will help you to begin to understand yourself apart from the HRT as well. etc. Believe me its a roller coaster ride.

I wish you well and hugs I know where you are at and its not a nice place.

Stardust

I think more than anything it is my hair and voice that are keeping me from passing. My avatar is me, but that is not my hair :< once my real hair grows out, I will be happy.

When I said that I don't pass, I think its more that I don't feel like I am passing and not that I am not actually passing. It is new for me. And my voice doesn't pass at all so my fake squeeky voice is a dead give away >_<

It involves, the way we hold ourselves, walk, posture, <-- still working on these, but very good progress over the past 2 months.

body language, <-- Ok, I need to look into this.

dress, make up (not over the top) if you wear it. <-- check.

confidence, <-- I am more confident when appearing as a woman

voice (a big give away), <--

internation (the way we speak), <-- yes that is the only part of my voice that is good

the words we use <-- words and they way they are used. I have been working on this recently, I feel more intelligent just by changing the way I phrase things as well as using more intelligent words.


Thanks for the advice. I don't know why I had brought not passing into this topic, as it isn't a worry for me >_< I wrote that when I had just gotten back from going out, and I got a weird stare by some guy. :<

[Colleen Ireland]

Christina, I'm reading posts like this to prepare myself for what's ahead.  I feel for you!  I really do.  There is SO much to this, isn't there?  And so much about it that totally sucks.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  I envy you your youth - I'm going to have a problem with MY hair, I'm just not going to have enough of it.  I'm going to have to rely on wigs.  Maybe that'll be easier in some respects, but more expensive.  I'm sending you hugs, girl...