outed to my mom.. kind of

[drippin]

so my mom has had her suspicions of what is up with me but technically doesn't know. (and i'm sure has no idea the extent of my "gender variant ways") anyway.. so i keep my hormones in my room in a bag and i was getting ready to go out lastnight and my mom comes to the doorway of the bathroom holding the bag...


"what the hell is this?"

"don't worry, it's not drugs"

"well what is it?"

"now is not the time to tell you, trust me."



and then she dropped it but i know she will want to know what the deal is today.. i haven't spoke with her today and i'm kind of dreading it.


the plus side is that my mom is very very very liberal and completely accepting of trans people and gays and lesbians.


i know i am at no risk of potentially being kicked out or anything like that, however i do expect her to doubt my decision and invalidate me (seeing has she has made just a few comments here and there of general doubt)


so basically i posted this hoping someone had some words to make the "i really don't care" mindset set in. it's just hard because i'm hyper sensitive and i want to develop a thicker skin and handle these problems more directly..

thanks

[Janet_Girl]

Oh you had the perfect opportunity.  You should have said "My Hormones" and then dropped it.   

Ok I am cruel sometimes. 

[drippin]

yeah but with my mom it would have been

"hormones for what?!"

etc

[Janet_Girl]

And then you could have had the door open to explaining the facts of your life to her.

[SynthiaSMS]

Well if your mom is accepting of trans gays and lesbians why not just say how you feel she would be more accepting if you told her up front instead of trying to go behind her back with something as big as this.

[Rosa]

If your mom is as accepting as you say, it is possible that she may be more upset by the fact that you did not talk to her about this.  It could be more of a trust issue.  Just possibilities, since I don't know you or your mom.  Best wishes though!

[drippin]

well just had the talk. she told me that i'm impulsive and that i haven't given this any thought and that i shouldn't "jump into this" because i've been thinking about it for "a few months" which isn't true, i've been posting here for much longer and have been thinking about this since the age of 15 (19 now) i really didn't try to explain myself to her because this is exactly what i was fearing. complete and total invalidation. it's sad but eh now i'm getting angry which is actually helping to fuel all of this even more, now i have something to prove. lol. but gee wiz!

i did tell her that i've been thinking about it since 15 and she literally laughed in my face and said "no you haven't, c'mon!"


oh well...

she ended with "you're an extremely impulsive person who makes decisions irrationally, don't deny it, that's a fact"

to which my response was "well me doing this is a fact, and if you want to keep your relationship with me you're going to have to accept that."

and that was the end of my pleasant coming out conversation! )

it just frustrates me that she treats me totally and completely invalid when she herself knows i've been going through laser and have been "dressing" for literally months every other day..



sighh... 0___0 i know it will pass but i just don't feel like i should have to prove myself to anyone.

[SynthiaSMS]

Have you been dressing like this in front of her because if she doesn't see you dress like the gender you see yourself as, then she won't believe you than if she "caught" you. Just something for you to think about.

[drippin]

i have been dressing in front of her, i do it all the time. sometimes i'll just walk around the house in girl mode and not go anywhere.. that's one of the reasons i'm a little irritated. she's acting as if this is totally out of the blue randomness! maybe she's in denial? i think she honestly is just scared that i'm going to regret making these decisions.. which is understandable to a certain extent. the bottom line is i'm an adult and she needs to give me a little bit more credit.


and when i came out as "gay" we had the same issue. she didn't care, but thought it "wasn't me" or was "just a phase"

then she finally realized it was real and started treating me accordingly.. but that in between time is hell on earth. having your own mother constantly roll her eyes and question you

[SynthiaSMS]

My mom was the same way when I told her and we haven't discussed it since, so she does her thing and I do mine.  She is also a little bipolar and that's why I just dropped the whole thing.

[drippin]

i feel your pain synthia. my mom will just have top get over it i suppose. it would be nice to have her support but whatever.

[SynthiaSMS]

Yeah you know did you at least tell any friends that you have cause the ones I have I feel like could be my extended family. And that is all the support I really need.  Its nothing like having a few close friends to help when you need it most.

[drippin]

yes my friends know and are very supportive of it. but i have also made a concious decision not to just talk about my trans issues when i see them. like most of the time i'll carrya conversation with them like i normally would and if they bring it up then i'll talk about it. i don't want to be the center of attention or be seen as self-absorbed

[SynthiaSMS]

Same here I told my friends if they asked about it and we'd talk. But I don't constantly bring it up but if they have any questions after the first in person conversation we talk about, mainly on facebook though.

[spacial]

drippin.

Your mom is treating you like a difficult child. This isn't a criticism of her. She's a perfectly normal mom.

Think you just need to be persistant. Not get riled or angry. Just be who you are and let her see that you can build your own life, your way.