Relationships with ftms?

[Charlotte1991]

So, in HS I was never in a relationship or dated because I was trying to work on myself emotionally and figure things out...I knew id have to come to love myself before I could love another person. I'm happy to say, I think I've come to that place. Also I've never liked the idea of simply hooking up or intentional short-term relationships...I'm the kind of person that wants a meaningful relationship. High school dating scenes aren't much like that anyway. Plus still presenting as male I'd only have the option of being with a guy who viewed me as one too. Because of all this I decided to wait out dating until college.
I go to college in august. It's a small artsy school with a very openminded student body. I'll be starting hrt there in December, so that will make things a bit easier. There are two transguys there who I've talked to and they're really nice. There's one that I'm really interested in. And I feel like it would be nice to date a guy who is trans because then you can be honest with eachother and you each know what the other has gone through. I think that this sort of relationship would have a lot of potential.

What are your thoughts? Has anyone dating a transman? And do you think it's worth me pursueing?

Thanks C x

[Binks]

I am engaged to a transman and honestly it could be that we are in love or we share being trans but its the most rewarding relationship I have ever had.

[Charlotte1991]

I'm so happy to hear that! I wish you and your soon to be husband all the happiness in the world

[rejennyrated]

Back in the day I always imagined that I might indeed find a nice FtM and settle down with him. Up until 2005 the UK laws were so archaic it was the only way I could have gotten married. Happily, now with my amended birth cert that is no longer the case.

Anyway it turned out fate is dyslexic - because my order duly arrived from the warehouse - only when I unwrapped her she was an MtF

We've been together for 22 years and civil-partners now for 5 years. Neither of us wanted a single sex relationship - but we love each other to bits and with a slow smouldering passion that is a fierce now as when we first met.

[lilacwoman]

my impression on FtMs is that they are very much interested in GGs and starting familes with children.
But good luck and at least you know that there are three of you in the place to deal with any TS  issues that might occur.

[cynthialee]

I am in a similar relationship. My spouse is androgyne but ze is on T and masculinizing rather rapidly.
Having both members of the household with GID there is a certain knowing about eachother that a cis/trans relationship can not have.
The gender dysphoria is thick as fog around here some days but the fact that we are madly in love and we can deeply understand the pain of the other makes it tolerable somewhat.
Personaly I am a bit surprised that we do not see more FTM/MTF pairings.

[Lachlann]

my impression on FtMs is that they are very much interested in GGs and starting familes with children.
But good luck and at least you know that there are three of you in the place to deal with any TS  issues that might occur.

I think there might be some truth to that. You often see more FTM with FTM than FTM with MTF.

I'm not really interested in families and children, but I think what would distance me from being interested in an MTF is the emotional baggage that comes along. While I can see how both parties would benefit from knowing what's going on with them, I've never needed another transperson to understand my plight. I'm not all that interested in support groups other than to get and give information.  Whenever I've been in a relationship where there has been medical mental baggage of some sort, it's always been hard. I'm not sure if I'm the type to be with someone like that.

[rejennyrated]

I think there might be some truth to that. You often see more FTM with FTM than FTM with MTF.

I'm not really interested in families and children, but I think what would distance me from being interested in an MTF is the emotional baggage that comes along. While I can see how both parties would benefit from knowing what's going on with them, I've never needed another transperson to understand my plight. I'm not all that interested in support groups other than to get and give information.  Whenever I've been in a relationship where there has been medical mental baggage of some sort, it's always been hard. I'm not sure if I'm the type to be with someone like that.

Well I have to say that in that regard I seem to have been lucky then - Alison and I have very little mental baggage, but then it probably did help that we were both long past transition and SRS when we met.

[cynthialee]

I will admit that Sevan and I carry allot of bagage, but we have a history togather that goes back to before transition.
To be honest when I found out that Sevan also had gender issues I latched on with a deathgrip. We spent 6 years togather as our birth genders and now we are transitioniong we get to truely know eachother.
It is chalenging but it is rewarding.

[confused]

i think trans-relationships 'success' depend on many factors just as any other type of relationship . the mere distinction between them and other relationships imho indicates some sort of insecurity . but overall it depends on the individual , their concepts , principles , and how they deal with emotions during a relationship , does they smother the other part by their own issues or try their best to make them happy
all relationships imho no matter what's the history or ongoing events of the individuals involved depend on understanding , loving , and tolerance sometimes
some people like to have things in common (which suggests mtf/mtf or ftm/ftm relationship rather than ftm/mtf) . but again , similar people get along as friends more than couples . because , well , it's opposites who attract (and i don't mean gender-wise ofcourse)
"says a person with only wisdom and simulation as a source of information about trans relationship not actual experience x_x"

[Charlotte1991]

I guess it all depends on the people involved. Thanks for all of the input!

[Binks]

Exactly it all depends on who is involved just like any relationship. PM me if you would like to talk more about MTF/FTM relationship's I am sure there are a few questions that you may not want to ask publicly. 

[Charlotte1991]

Thanks I will once I reach enough posts to allow me to PM others xx

[Jillary Woolen Xσx]

In The Past year I've Found myself Really Intensely Attracted to Trans-men.
The only Trans-men I've really gotten close to Liked Other Men so I've never pursued anything,
but I Completely agree with you Charlotte. I didn't really Date in high School as I was sooooo focused on myself and maturing into a woman and Didn't think a High School relationships were worth attempting as the Idea was both ridiculous and Impossible.

Follow your Heart Lovely

[jmaxley]

my impression on FtMs is that they are very much interested in GGs and starting familes with children.

Can't speak for anyone else, but this is definitely not true for me.  I really don't care about being a parent.  Though I won't say it's not possible I could change my mind in the future.  And I like the ladies, whether they're cis or not...same with the guys...except for maybe straight guys, not sure if I could be with one (and definitely not if they want me to be a woman.)

[DeannaStarspear]

After what I have just been through, I am seriously thinking that maybe dating other transsexuals would be way better than dating normal women or men or even bi or gay ones for that matter. I'm not going to bore anyone with details, but I have just been hurt too many times by regular gay men and regular women and now even by a regular bi woman. I just want a relationship with someone who can truly understand, accept, love, and want to be with me for all of who and what I am and wish to be without putting sex as the main thing in any relationship, but maybe I won't ever find that unless it is with another transsexual like me. I don't know anymore.

[Shang]

Can't speak for anyone else, but this is definitely not true for me.  I really don't care about being a parent.  Though I won't say it's not possible I could change my mind in the future.  And I like the ladies, whether they're cis or not...same with the guys...except for maybe straight guys, not sure if I could be with one (and definitely not if they want me to be a woman.)

This is pretty much me.  I've never wanted kids (babysitting a 5 month old kid that was cholichy (spelling?) ruined it for me) and I don't plan on having any kids myself, though it might change if I meet the right person.  My personal relationships have all failed miserably, though, so I'm wary of straight guys now.  And then what Deanna said is also what I want. XD

[Farm Boy]

my impression on FtMs is that they are very much interested in GGs and starting familes with children.

Hmm.  I can't speak for anyone else, but it's definitely not for me.  Actually, wanting kids would be a relationship deal breaker for me.  No interest in girls, either. 

[Akashiya Moka]

In HS I never really dated either for the same reasons as the OP mentioned... Actually, I've still never even been kissed.  But towards the end of high school I did fall in love with this girl by accident.  Because of a mutual friend on aim We sort of awkwardly began talking; very quickly it became excessive, and we both were soon completely in love with each other.  So what was the problem? Well, she wanted to do all kinds of things to me (I can't repeat them here ), and for me to be her boyfriend.  She was a virgin like me, but wanted me to be with her (she felt very strongly); even though she would never let her previous boyfriend be that intimate with her despite his desires.

...But I just couldn't do that to her... I was finally starting to deal with my true feelings; I knew I was a girl inside, and I had already started HRT, so I was somewhat afraid of her discovering certain developments.  I was so in love with her that I wanted to stop, I wanted to try to be a boy for her—the prince of her dreams.  I thought to myself that maybe love would cure me, or at least that it would be enough; that it wouldn't be so bad to remain a 'boy'. But I had read all those horror stories, you know, the ones in which the dysphoria persists and always wins in the end... The ones in which the husband transitions and destroys his wife emotionally.  And that's where it was headed, marriage. It may seem strange that I was/still am so certain, but we both just knew; that this is the person I want to be with forever.

We had a connection beyond words; we were soulmates. Though out of fear, and a very strong desire not to burden her with my problems... I severed all contact with her upon graduation. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever done.  I feel guilty as hell for doing that to her, leaving her with no real reason or answer; breaking her heart.

She must hate me.


I still wonder about her a lot; wonder if she would have accepted me anyway... But she fell in love with a boy after all; granted, a 'boy' that enjoyed listening & engaging in more-than-superficial conversation, a 'boy' capable of emphasizing & expressing 'his' own feelings, a 'boy' who truly cared deeply about her more than anyone else ever had, and didn't want to use her.  Maybe the worst part is not knowing.

I think there might be some truth to that. You often see more FTM with FTM than FTM with MTF.

I'm not really interested in families and children, but I think what would distance me from being interested in an MTF is the emotional baggage that comes along. While I can see how both parties would benefit from knowing what's going on with them, I've never needed another transperson to understand my plight. I'm not all that interested in support groups other than to get and give information.  Whenever I've been in a relationship where there has been medical mental baggage of some sort, it's always been hard. I'm not sure if I'm the type to be with someone like that.

Not everyone is like that.  Some people won't burden you with their problems, even if it would hurt them not to do so.

But as to dating FTM's; having a sympatico present would be a positive for pursuing a possible relationship. Plus, FTM's are really cute.