Dating

[aubrey]

So every once in awhile I try finding someone again and usually, I meet someone fairly quickly, we hit it off, I tell them about my transness because I'm still pre-op and they go away. Or...if they do accept the current situation they tend not to treat me as 100% female. They expect me to basically be a friend with benefits or a booty call and don't treat me quite the same way they would a cis female although they are decent to me. Anyways my question is this...for the girls who have found someone pre-op and are happy....how did you do it?

[justmeinoz]

Hi Mija.

I met the guy I have started a relationship with while I was questioning whether I was a feminine gay man, rather than trans, a while ago.  I did tell him I was an occaissional cross-dresser, so he was able to handle the news that I regard myself as TS now. 

We have talked about it and he wants to be with me during the whole experience. Although there is no guarantee he will be comfortable with the final situation he is willing to give it a try. We connect on an emotional level deeply, so he is not so focused on the physical side of the relationship as some gay guys appear to be.

Maybe look for an openly bisexual guy, who won't mind what body you have?


Hope that helps, Sandra.

[Fencesitter]

Maybe look for an openly bisexual guy, who won't mind what body you have?

That might work best. Many straight people seem to have trouble having sex with in-between bodies as it makes them be afraid that they are "not as straight as they might think". Often, it is more fear of being queer than lack of attraction which shuns them away. The same goes for gay/lesbians ("after all this kerfuffle of finding out about myself, coming out and coming to terms with what I am, now me having to question myself and to go through all this again? Eewww"). Which is silly as there are always people one might find attractive in total but who might have body parts that really don't work for you and dating them may still be great. But then, I'm a bi myself, so maybe that's why I think that way.

Openly bi people need not question themselves (or not that much) when they are attracted to people with mixed bodies. Closet bi's and those who are not secure about whether they're bi or not may be just as tiresome as straight/gay people, however.

I am the other way round, a pre-op FTM, look male when dressed, look 60/80% female undressed. I have rapidly found a bisexual "friend with benefits" via a gay contact site (that was exactly what I was looking for). Turns out he gets along with my mixed body features very well and treats me mostly as a guy, only very occasionally as an in-between which is okay with me. He sometimes even forgets that I am trans ("So have you ever been to the gay sauna club XYZ?" - "No, they would throw me out as soon as I undress." - "Why would they??? ... oops, I forgot.").

We get along very well as friends and sex partners, but for reasons unrelated to me being trans and him being a bi, it would not work as a serious romantic partnership.