Falling For A Friend Who Is Also Transgendered

[xAndrewx]

I'll start this with saying please don't take any of this offensively, I've never been good at wording what is going on in my head correctly. My best friend is trans (m2f) and I love her to death, we've known each other for almost 3 years. This girl has sat by my side through all of my problems with my exs, helped me find myself again after being in an abusive relationship and was the main person to help me when coming out as trans. When I met her we both were attracted to each other (still are) but I had just gotten broken up with, was not out to everyone as trans and was discovering the words to put with how I was feeling and at the time she was dealing with having come out to her family herself. Now almost 3 years later we are both out to everyone, I'm completely out of relationship with my on again off again abusive ex and have been single for five months but there are so many things that make me nervous about the idea of us being together. I haven't really come to term with my "parts" yet and I'm a little worried because although I know there are many other ways we could be together... I guess I'm just unsure. I mean, everyone says we are cute together and seem good for each other, including our parents. But on top of that I'm venturing into best friend territory, as well as I'm the type of guy who wants what I can't have then runs away when I get it (no, I don't mean in a sex way, in a relationship way). I guess I was curious on opinions, anyone who has experience being trans and dating or being with someone else who is trans and such.
Wow... sorry for the rant, just thought a little background was necessary.

[rejennyrated]

Just like any other relationship, as long as you are compatible, it works fine.

I have just completed 22 years with Alison.

When we met we were both bisexual and postop MtF.

We hit it off - it worked and here we are 22 years later still together.

[xAndrewx]

Just like any other relationship, as long as you are compatible, it works fine.

I have just completed 22 years with Alison.

When we met we were both bisexual and postop MtF.

We hit it off - it worked and here we are 22 years later still together.

Thanks, my mind has a tendency to over think things. Congrats on your long relationship Hopefully I can have a relationship like that one day. We are both pre-op and pre-hormones and also both questioning whether lower surgery is something we completely want so we kinda think alike with things like that.

[spinaltap]

Personally, I don't even want to think about dating until after I've had top surgery (at-least), because I'm extremely uncomfortable with my body, and anything more than making out with someone makes me feel horrible, even if I'm physically attracted to them. I just can't tolerate it.
and I guess I feel like I can't expect a partner to really see me as a man if I still have a body that is completely female. but I can never have an entirely male body... so eventually I have to suck it up
so I guess if you think your comfortable with it, then that's great, and you should go for it, but if your not ready for a potentially physical relationship with someone, then give yourself some time. 

[xAndrewx]

Thanks for the advice man. I agree, I'm uncomfortable with my body but I did manage to work through that enough to be with someone for 5 years on and off before. I guess it is all about how they saw me, I've surrounded myself with people who, when seeing me without a binder, still see me as entirely male. In my friend's words, "it is just a birth defect... why would I look at you as something you are not?"

[cynthialee]

I am in a dual trans home.
I am MTF and the wife is a transitioning (on T) androgyn, so ze is ALOT like a FTM.

I find our relationship to be unique and rewarding. I did not need to teach my mate how to make love to me. I did not need to explain GID 3000 times from sunday before ze started to get it. Ze knows, and knows very intimately how important it is to respect my gender, both in and out of the bedroom.
I highly doubt I could even remotely get the understanding and compassion from a cisgender spouse that I do from my transgender wife (hersband).
I also doubt I could be sexual with anyone cisgender at this point, as I have some serious body issues.  (ya'll probably know where I am coming from there.  )

Anyways, my opinion on trans trans relationships is highly positive. I could not imagine why I would want a cisgender spouse at this point in my life. But as with all things trans related I reserve the right to completely change my mind in the future. 

[xAndrewx]

Cynthia,
I'm glad you're in such a great relationship It's great to hear from both you rejennyrated that there are trans couples. I sadly have not seen enough yet in my life and a trans couple is one of those things I have yet to see until now. The explaining would and did get frustrating for me at times with my ex and I know that would be one of the positives. We both see it as a "birth defect" so neither of us really give it much thought but for some reason it's all just been really weighing on my mind. When I took a step back (which ended up being a three hour walk) I think I realized I'm over analyzing and trying to find reasons to question getting into another relationship after my last one... I think that I will be talking a lot through with her over the next few days and hopefully it all goes well. I know it might be odd to talk it over with her but I figured out lately that I just can't keep things in my head anymore. Thanks!