wife finds my Estrogen! oops!

[Paula2005]

Well over the weekend my wife finds my estrogen in an old pair of pants I had hanging in the closet. I guess it was not a good hiding place! Anyway she asks me if I still want these pants and I say yes sure, knowing what was in the back pocket. I go back into the bedroom later and low and behold there's my stuff on the night stand. She has said absolutly nothing about it or indicated any problem what so ever, almost seemed happier! As a matter a fact she asked when I am going to model some new langerie she has bought me. Wow, I'm a little confused I mean I am sure she knows exactly what Premarin is she used to do medical transcription! Not sure what to make of all this. I mean, I really did not want her to find it. Should I bring this up or just forget it?

[stephanie_craxford]

Hi Paula,

I guess you should consider yourself lucky that she didnt flip out.  It seems as though you dodged a bullet this time.  It's obvious that she knows something is going on so why not sit down with her and come clean, unless she is trying to lure you into a trap, there is no sense in trying to be clever, thinking that you are hiding when in fact you are not.

Just be aware that when she knows the real reason her reaction may be different.  Not knowing the relationship between you and your wife, I have to recommend that honesty is the best way to go, as relationships built on, lets say, untruths, is not a healthy one.

The premarin that she found is it a prescription from your Dr, as she may have realised what your doctor visits were about?

Just my thoughts.

Steph

[Paula2005]

Well I know she would not be trying to trap me somehow. She is definetly not that kind of person. She is one of the best people I have ever known! Also I don't have a script but I am going to the doctor on Thursday to get legal.

[Sarah Louise]

It is always best to come out to your partner, living a seperate life does nothing for the relationship, except hurt it.

If your trying to hide half of your life from your spouse it will lead to trouble.  It sounds like she might be supportive and if so, come clean.  It could lead to an even better marriage.

Sarah

[Kimberly]

If you ask me Paula she is giving you a chance to come clean.
Were I her, I know damn well I would not forget.
However, I'm not. Nor do I have any idea how you two work, so for what it is worth!

~ Just a cookie from my cookie jar. ~

[Susan]

You should have spoken to her long before you reached the point of taking hormones. Informed consent is the only ethical way to deal with a partner. If you are serious about your relationship with someone then hiding a major facet of your life from them is wrong. Period. Taking hormones or starting to transition without discussing it with them first is in my opinion criminal and grounds for a divorce. I may sound cruel here, but I hope she decides to leave you for this. By your deeds and actions you have earned it.  If she doesnt' you should consider yourself damn lucky.

[AllisonY2K]

As a matter a fact she asked when I am going to model some new lingerie she has bought me.

I dunno...that just seems a little unusual to me.
I'm not sure how out you are to her. Does she know of your intentions to transition? If not, this reaction would seem really unusual.

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Paula

Also I don't have a script but I am going to the doctor on Thursday to get legal.

It's not a question of "getting legal" it's a question of being safe, and under the care of a medical professional who is able to monitor your health.  Self medicating in a fools game, you are risking your health and even your life, remember these drugs were designed to be taken by women, how can you possibly know what effect they are having on you without proper care.

Anyway, I'm glad you saw the light.

Steph

[Alison]

From the other side of the perspective --

One of the reasons I'm eager to support Jaycie through her transition is that she was and is honest with me.  She told me early in our relationship, and made sure I was okay with it before even thinking of transition. 

I realize you're afraid to lose her... but if you lie to her you WILL lose her...

After Jaycie told me I had all sorts of fears... and doubts... I was confused and terrified.  So was she really.  But we worked through all that together...  At this point you're working through your feelings, and thats good, but your wife isn't being given the same curteosy.. You're shielding her from the  inevitable.. and once you DO come clean, She's going to be expected to come to terms with this really quickly and it's going to take her some time...

Really, boil it down, and its pretty selfish... You don't want to have the awkward conversation but once she knows, you're giving her weeks/months of feeling awkward.. 

It isn't as easy as it'd seem to be a spouse of a TS, but.. it CAN work... if you both put effort into it.

[Shelley]

Hi Paula,

I think you will be able to see by these posts that transition within an existing relationship takes things beyond a personal level to an area that has a very large impact on both parties.

You have had both sides of the story provided and perhaps if your really lucky your wife will be like Alison is with Jaycie. Even if she is not, she deserves to be given the opportunity to decide which way she will be about it. You are starting to move beyond that which can be experienced at a personal level. You are likely to experience many and varied responses to the path you have chosen and it must be your wifes choice to walk down that path. If not you will see resentment grow and that will only make transition more difficult for both of you.

As you know I recently went through discovery by my wife and although I experienced a deal of pain my relationship with her has survived. I know that it did not make our relationship stronger. This is because as Alison said I was not honest with her before she found out. I will never foget what she wrote to me 'if you can hide this from me for ten years what else are you capable of hiding from me.' Breaking her trust and knowing that she will never be able to fully trust me as a result of my actions breaks my heart.

Trust is something we earn and when its gone its something that you don't realise how much your relationship needs until its too late.

Good luck Paula I am pretty confident that you will see the light so I hope it all goes well for you.

Shelley

[Majik]

you are one of the luckiest people alive.

my wife flips whenever i buy new lingerie

[Sheila]

You need to sit down and talk to your wife, yesterday. Then whatever happens happens. To hide something like that is very dishonest. I know that you were probable afraid to say something, but to keep the truth hidden is rediculas. The more time goes on by the more she is apt to just leave as you are unfaithful. It will be hard but tell her.
Sheila

[alia]

Hello Paula

It's not a question of "getting legal" it's a question of being safe, and under the care of a medical professional who is able to monitor your health.  Self medicating in a fools game, you are risking your health and even your life, remember these drugs were designed to be taken by women, how can you possibly know what effect they are having on you without proper care.

Anyway, I'm glad you saw the light.

Steph

I disagree alot. Self Medication is a better way than suicide. and if you die on the way that is an acceptable risk, at least for me. Because then the pain stops, the pain that has followed me for 6 years now, and the norwegian health department have gave >-bleeped-< about, when i said i needed help for a sex change.. They just laughed.

[Miss Placed]

the norwegian health department have gave >-bleeped-< about, when i said i needed help for a sex change.. They just laughed.

aww that's terrible. I'd always been led to believe that the Scandinavian countries were some of the most open minded and sexually diverse countries in the world