How *not* to sell me a security system....

[Vanessa_yhvh]

Today at lunch I hit the websites of a couple of major suppliers of monitored home security systems to call me back & comparison shop for a system on the new house.

The first one called within a couple of minutes. Polite Little Thing (PLT) started off asking for Sydney, then gave me a "sir" on finding out I was the Sydney in question.

I pointed out that I prefer ma'am, and PLT acknowledged, gave a "sorry 'bout that," and in the following few minutes avoided gendering me inconsistent with my preference while we scheduled somebody to come out later this week to do the sales pitch.

A bit later, the other vendor called, and instead of a PLT, I was greeted by somebody who hardly even allowed me to interrupt to express my preference. This one then proceeded to "sir" me again several more times over the next few minutes and pressure me to ink a deal right there on the phone.

Why, of course! I'd be thrilled to sign a 36-month contract involving a great deal of money and the security of my home with somebody whose attention to detail is so great that my gender preference can't be recalled for a staggering three minutes.

Like it's not bad enough that my sister calls me it when talking to my mother....

[Autumn]

I opened this thread expecting it to somehow be about selling body scanners for home use so you can make sure that that woman you're letting in to your house isn't a rapist in disguise.

Maybe I need more sleep.

Some people really suck at their sales jobs.

[Asfsd4214]

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.

But, I have to admit, even I have difficulty using correct pronouns if I percieve someones voice as the opposite gender, especially on the phone. I'm not at all saying they're in the right or that they shouldn't address you how you prefer. I'm just saying, try to understand that for some people it can be difficult. It doesn't automatically make them bad or inconsiderate people, you can try to use the right pronouns and slip up by accident if your perceiving it wrong.

Sorry I just wanted to say something minor in their defense, because I can see even myself making that mistake in similar circumstances. Again I'm not at all saying it's right, just that mistakes can happen with even well intentioned people (and I'm not saying they are, just as something to keep in mind).

[Sarah_aus]

I Have to agree with Sydney on this one, I  myself, work in Sales and as you say...

"...somebody whose attention to detail is so great that my gender preference can't be recalled for a staggering three minutes."

I pride myself on attention to detail and courtesy, this is obviously a case of a sales driven company pushing for money, not a service driven company.

I wouldn't go with them on principle either,

as for family, you know what they say, you can't chose them!

I say choose what you can

Hugs,

Tali

[Vanessa_yhvh]

I haven't ruled out that company out of hand, despite some further challenges with their sales people during the course of the week.

Any of you who have seen my YouTube videos know that my voice is still *extremely* masculine, even after months of toning. I'm sympathetic.

The people from the other company have been much more "ma'am"-oriented, which I appreciate, because it does leave me with more of an "attention to detail" impression, which is important in choosing a home security system.

But this has just been a brutal week for things of this nature. A transwoman intentionally referred to me as "he" in a patently degrading manner on Autumn Sandeen's Facebook wall, my sister whipped out the ever-delightful "it", somebody in a tea discussion chat exclaimed that his suspicions had been confirmed about me, and the CTO is applying a rule only to me that my email name must remain male-gendered until I can hand over a court order and other ID under the new name (despite that neither I, nor many others, currently use our full legal names in the system, using nicknames instead). And the guys in the Lodge are pressing forward with conduct-related expulsion charges against me instead of allowing me to resign, despite the fact that everybody agrees that I've committed no misconduct.

Some times you just feel a little picked-on, you know? So I guess I was ranting a bit. heh

[LordKAT]

Sounds like you have every right to feel picked on. Rant away, we all need a safe place to vent sometimes. I wish I had some answers for you but I am at a loss. BTW, I would be PO'd if someone on the phone used the wrong pronouns due to voice just because I know enough people who sound like the opposite sex  in the cis-world.

[Sarah_aus]

For the record, my Aunt is a chain smoker and has a very masculine voice, she has no trouble.
I think you should only have to correct someone once in a conversation.
Just my two cents, as for feeling picked on, sounds like you have every right, rant away.

Love ,

Tali

[Asfsd4214]

I haven't ruled out that company out of hand, despite some further challenges with their sales people during the course of the week.

Any of you who have seen my YouTube videos know that my voice is still *extremely* masculine, even after months of toning. I'm sympathetic.

The people from the other company have been much more "ma'am"-oriented, which I appreciate, because it does leave me with more of an "attention to detail" impression, which is important in choosing a home security system.

But this has just been a brutal week for things of this nature. A transwoman intentionally referred to me as "he" in a patently degrading manner on Autumn Sandeen's Facebook wall, my sister whipped out the ever-delightful "it", somebody in a tea discussion chat exclaimed that his suspicions had been confirmed about me, and the CTO is applying a rule only to me that my email name must remain male-gendered until I can hand over a court order and other ID under the new name (despite that neither I, nor many others, currently use our full legal names in the system, using nicknames instead). And the guys in the Lodge are pressing forward with conduct-related expulsion charges against me instead of allowing me to resign, despite the fact that everybody agrees that I've committed no misconduct.

Some times you just feel a little picked-on, you know? So I guess I was ranting a bit. heh

I'm sorry. *hugs*

Sounds like you have every right to feel picked on. Rant away, we all need a safe place to vent sometimes. I wish I had some answers for you but I am at a loss. BTW, I would be PO'd if someone on the phone used the wrong pronouns due to voice just because I know enough people who sound like the opposite sex  in the cis-world.

Outside of trans people. I don't know that I have ever once heard a woman who truly sounds like a man, and only very very rarely a man that sounds like a woman. But I've heard many times where other people have said that they think a certain person sounds like the opposite gender. When all I percieve is a deep female voice or a high male voice.

What I'm getting at, is maybe different people have different sensitivity to voice gendering, accidentally slipping up with pronouns with a person you have known all of 5 minutes where the only cue is the voice, it happens. It's a shame but it doesn't absolutely imply disrespect by behalf of the person.

Sorry for playing devils advocate here, it's partly that I can see myself making exactly this kind of mistake without thinking.

[Vanessa_yhvh]

What I'm getting at, is maybe different people have different sensitivity to voice gendering, accidentally slipping up with pronouns with a person you have known all of 5 minutes where the only cue is the voice, it happens. It's a shame but it doesn't absolutely imply disrespect by behalf of the person.

Sorry for playing devils advocate here, it's partly that I can see myself making exactly this kind of mistake without thinking.

Trust me, this is far from my biggest beef of the week. That first guy was a major tool on so many levels, the fact that he simply couldn't get my gender right was incidental. For bonus points, though, I did explain that I'm trans. And he asked about the "tinker" in my email address, what I tinker with.

"My endocrine system," I replied.

[Ender]

Trust me, this is far from my biggest beef of the week. That first guy was a major tool on so many levels, the fact that he simply couldn't get my gender right was incidental. For bonus points, though, I did explain that I'm trans. And he asked about the "tinker" in my email address, what I tinker with.

"My endocrine system," I replied.

LOL!  Awesome reply.

[Arch]

Brilliant, Sydney. I hope the crap storm subsides soon. Sometimes it all comes at once and you just want a nice warm beach day.

[Vanessa_yhvh]

Well, while it has been something of a crap week, it has been decidedly more than just that.

A handful of people scattered among this forum, YouTube, Facebook, etc. have reached out and said kind, sympathetic, funny, or flirtatious things that have perked me right up at various moments.

Women at the office have also become more openly expressive of embracing me into the fold, pressing me into lunch, urging me to come shopping, etc.

And tying it back to the start of this thread, today I signed the papers for the security system to be installed (different company). Even as my 80-year-old mother referred to me by my given name and a host of masculine terms (Hey, she's 80.), this fellow brought me the work order, saying, "Here you go, Ma'am."