ugh... shopping

[kyle_lawrence]

I have a formal wedding to go to in Boston next month and so far its stressing me out.  Its my cousins wedding, and im not out to family, and my aunt is pretty conservative, so I have to go as a girl.  I've made it clear that I'm not wearing a skirt or dress, or anything that requires shaving, but I have no idea what to wear now.

I went to the mall yesterday to try to find something to wear, and the whole experience was horrible. I didn't even try anything on.  I know I could please everyone with a feminine button up shirt and dress pants, but the idea of ruffles and lace nearly gave me a panic attack.  I felt like everyone was staring at me when I was in the womens and juniors departments, and the mens department was just a waste of time.  I found lots of things that I liked, but nothing that  my family would approve of.  I think I'll survive the day if I can at least wear my binder (which my aunt has seen me wearing before).

Any suggestions?  I did a google search for "androgenous formal wear" and got nothing.

[Between Names]

I'm going to suggest that you keep looking in the womens' section for a button-up shirt and dress pants.  You can probably get away with a very plain dress shirt and black slacks, maybe even with a womens' blazer.  You might have to look in several stores before you get what you want.  I know I prefer Kohl's; they usually have great stuff there.

(I'd avoid the ruffles and lace if I were you.  Those are just gross, even on cisgendered women.)

[kyle_lawrence]

I'm going to suggest that you keep looking in the womens' section for a button-up shirt and dress pants.  You can probably get away with a very plain dress shirt and black slacks, maybe even with a womens' blazer.  You might have to look in several stores before you get what you want.  I know I prefer Kohl's; they usually have great stuff there.

(I'd avoid the ruffles and lace if I were you.  Those are just gross, even on cisgendered women.)

Thats pretty much what I was thinking of wearing.  I just have to suck it up and try not to freak out again in the womens department.   Social anxiety is awesome.

I will try Kohls, I actually have a 20% off coupon there.

Ruffles seem to be in right now, so plain might be hard to find.

[Between Names]

The good thing is, Kohl's has plenty of great guys' clothes too.  So if you start feeling really anxious and freaked out, you can just go to the men's section and check out the things you prefer.  I love sale racks.  xD  Lol...

This feels so weird.  I used to HATE shopping with a passion, but now I'm a gay little shopping addict after coming out...

[kelly_aus]

I'll just throw in a girls perspective.. Something like this http://www.venus.com/viewproduct.aspx?BRANCH=7~66~&storeid=0&ProductDisplayID=7106&dept=Venus+Clothing-Suits+%26+Separates&prod=single+breast+jacket%2c+straight+leg+pant may do the trick.. You'll want to add a shirt though.. Looks girly, without going too far..

[Jamie-o]

Something that used to be in my regular line-up before I was out was a men's sand washed silk shirt.  The cut was masculine enough for me, but the sand washed silk added a softness that made it feminine enough for others.  Plus it feels wonderful.     I'd pair it with a nice pair of slacks.

[sneakersjay]

This feels so weird.  I used to HATE shopping with a passion, but now I'm a gay little shopping addict after coming out...

This is so true for me, LOL.  And I am gay...

Jay

[insanitylives]

The good thing is, Kohl's has plenty of great guys' clothes too.  So if you start feeling really anxious and freaked out, you can just go to the men's section and check out the things you prefer.  I love sale racks.  xD  Lol.

Haha. I've started nearly exclusivly shopping there, just because I can find guys clothes in my size on clearance for $5 or less [unlike walmart, which usually has XS and 3XL. gr]

Ruffles are bad on anyone, except little kids. Even then..(childhood...flashbacks...) Don't even bother.
Can you get away with a close fitting suit and a feminine shirt under the jacket? (read: light color, pink or purple?)

[LilDoberman]

How about a 'feminine' colored button down shirt; they're making creams, oranges, greens and purples nowadays and a scarf tied like an ascot/cravat/whatever.  If you could find something with french cuffs even better.  I'm thinking Kurt (glee) singing Roses Turn.  Or if you're willing to use a scarf as a belt, that'll fem up anything.

Sorry you have to hide, good luck!

[M.Grimm]

I agree that you should avoid the ruffles and lace. A good way to dress up any simple outfit is to focus on the material; silks and linens and very fine grade cottons will boost the dressy nature of the outfit, for example. Sticking with black and white (or a white variant such as ivory) will also make it more formal without feeling specifically feminine. A black tailored vest that matches your pants over a fine linen or silk white or ivory shirt, for example. Very simple jewelry will work to accessorize it as well, and you can stick with something subtly masculine such as a simple silver or gold neck chain and/or an elegant wristwatch.

As for shoes, you don't have to be stuck wearing heels. You can wear sleek and nicely polished lace-up oxfords, while those are not common as women's formal wear, women still do wear them.

[FolkFanatic]

You could probably get away with neutral pants and top.

Do the pants HAVE to be "women's" pants or can they be well fitted, plain, no pleat mens? Pants are pants, after all. There's barely any difference between some styles. I think the only difference i ever noted where mens tend to be pleated in the front and women's aren't (other than the obvious mens have more room where they need it lol.)

I know plenty of women who wear men's clothes because men's clothes tend to be tons more comfortable (especially the pants). Could always use that as an excuse.

As for the top... always could try something like this:
http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?GrpTyp=SIZ&ItemID=197783c&DeptID=70656&CatID=71637&SO=0&Ne=29+3+5+596+1031+8+23+591+18+904+949+833&shopperType=G&N=4294953670&Nao=0&PSO=0&CmCatId=70656|71637
http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?GrpTyp=SIZ&ItemID=1977558&DeptID=70656&CatID=71637&SO=0&Ne=29+3+5+596+1031+8+23+591+18+904+949+833&shopperType=G&N=4294953670&Nao=0&PSO=0&CmCatId=70656|71637

[kyle_lawrence]

Thanks for all the suggestions.  I normally have no problems shopping for clothes when I go to thrift stores and the mens department for every day stuff, but this..... AAAARRGGbbtthhhhh (like a pirate, blowing raspberries.... don 't expect any further explanation).

I've been looking at mens flat front slim fit pants, and could definitely get away with it if I wore a more feminine top.   At least the weddings in September, so I still have plenty of time to figure it out, and more than enough back to school sales.

Or maybe I'm just thinking about this all wrong, and should be pretending its a costume party, and I'm a fabulous drag queen, who wears pants.