Around 5 I figured out something was wierd about me.
At 7 I discovered the diferance between male and female.
At 9 I discovered via a talk show transwomen. I knew I wanted to transition then, but fear, always the fear.
At 16 I knew for a fact that I would transition someday. I promissed to myself I would at 18.
18 came and I didnt transition.
In my 20's I tried to start transition. I got a psyrink and he gave me bad information and bad advice. Purge.
Around 30 I started feeling it strong again. I try and escape into crossdressing and kink and blaming the drugs on my condition. Around 32 I promise to myself I will transition at 35.
35 came and I told myself, 'not until my dad dies.'
Dad died, I didnt transition. I tried to bury any thought of transition and purged.
41 rolls around, I feel the question again, 'when will I transition?'. I answer that inner voice...'never'. I imediatly breakdown on the spot. Absolute grief and dispair take over. For 3 days I cry literaly without stop. I went to sleep in tears and woke up crying. I cried in my sleep, I woke to a tear soaked pillow. I kept crying and I honestly felt it would never stop. Then on the 3rd day my wife who has known about my gender issues asks me 'do you need to transition?'. I answered yes in a tiny voice and the tears imediatly stoped. Like instantly stoped! All doubt disapeared then. All the fear of rejection was no longer going to hold me back.
The next day I started too research this disorder and transition.
Now I am 42 and doing rather well in my proper gender presentation.
