Okay, guys, now that I'm done with this semester I gotta kvetch about it. Nothin' worse than transitioning during an OBGYN rotation in nursing school. KICKING MYSELF for not doing it sooner, seriously. It's like this women's club where everyone asks everyone when they plan on having babies, vaginal or cesarean, kick the men out because they gotta tell the female nurse something embarrassing about 'down there'.
I mean, the work itself is not necessarily gender specific, I like babies, that's not gender specific either. I imagine my classmates who are female and don't plan on having children experienced some frustration too. It's just the whole incessant reminder of my genetic screw up that wrecked havoc in my mind. I'm glad I could help my patients and all that. I didn't let my dysphoria get in the way of doing good..I mean, I did bond pretty strongly with some moms, I had a dad request for me, specifically, to take care of his new son, caught a damn near lethal dr's order mix-up which was seriously freaky, I got all a's and great reviews on my clinical performance...so no matter what is going on in my life, when I'm in school or at the hospital I'm a nurse, first and foremost. I realize that responsibility and I don't let anything distract me from my work. It's something i take very seriously.
It just screwed with my head. I mean, first day of lecture we had to do all this discussion, watched a vid, and i just couldn't take it. It was like...being berated with how dang wrong I am in this body, you know? It wouldnt be so bad if people didnt keep linking the whole birth/female parts thing to ME. Oh, when are YOU gonna have a baby? Or, oh, you'll see how much breastfeeding hurts when you get to that point.
Like hell I will!
I had to leave lecture and throw up in the trash can. I was shaking. For real, this whole semester...I don't know, guys, it was really tough. Thank god for one of my classmates, my best friend and my other friend and just lurking here...seriously, it would have been so much harder without y'all.
On a happier note, the lady at the gas station I usually go to on my way to school saw me for the first time without scrubs and without trying to fake being a girl just to get through OB-GYN rotations. She said 'oh, you're a guy?' and I'm like 'yep' and she says 'well, aren't you a cutie?' lol, little old ladies are awesome.
Whew. Feels good to get that off my mind, lol.
