Coming out...as a partner?

[eleemosynarify]

So the deal is... I'm 17. But I'm a very committed partner of an FtM. And my parents have no idea.

We've known each other for three years and been together for over a year. My parents are insanely Christian and are truly oblivious that I'm dating him. Because they just see him as my female friend, Maddie, and if I were to tell them, they wouldn't be able to wrap their mind around the "lesbian" or transsexual aspect of it. I'd be kicked to the curb and/or disowned, without a doubt.

So we've done a very thorough job of covering our tracks. I even have a biologically male friend who's posing as my boyfriend so my parents don't suspect. I make sure not to hang out with my real partner, Evan, too much.

The problem is, next August I'll be headed to college. And I'll have to explain to my parents why I'm rooming with 'Maddie,' my friend that they know to be gay. (Evan's one year ahead of me and just moved to college himself.)


Have any S/O's had to come out to their family when they were relatively young? Even if you can't empathize, does anyone have any advice on how to come out to my parents when the time comes? Because the way they see it, I'll be coming out as "gay" AND dating a transsexual. 

[cynthialee]

I am 42 and my wife is 28 so we are not exactly young but we had to do the coming out thing. I am in a dual transition home and I have seen this from both sides and I have seen it go good when my mom was told my spouse was trans and bad when my spouse informed hir parents I am trans.
There is no way of knowing how it will turn out. My wifes parents are pretty open minded good people but they kinda went balistic when they found out I was going to transition. They have since gotten mostly over it. (in about 4 months) But there is still a tension. But everyone has decided to just let it be and to co-exist.
I wish you luck in telling your parents. Be sure of yourself, do not use negative terms, own your relationship and show no shame. If you have no shame or issues it is harder for them to have them.

[eleemosynarify]

That's my plan, to be as unashamed as possible. The good news is, I can probably convince my parents that the rest of our expansive family doesn't need to know about Evan's situation, so they can get to know Evan for the wonderful person that he is and not alienate him on principle.