Coping with and understanding abuse

[spacetime]

I'm not entirely sure this is the correct forum for this topic, but as it applies to mental health I figured it'd fit.

When I was quite young, I was sexually abused by my father. I don't believe that his actions were malicious or that he intended to hurt me. Frankly, I don't think he even realizes that what he did bothered me (and still bothers me) so. The best way I can describe what it seemed like to me was an act done out of a smothering, sick love. He never penetrated me in any way, nor did he force me to do anything to him; there was merely a lot of uncomfortable touching, kissing, licking, and holding. Plus he said a few things that have never sat with me very well.

I'm wondering if anyone else has had experiences with abuse of any kind? My therapist seems adamantly convinced that there is a connection between my gender identity issues and this abuse from my past. Are there any studies about this? I don't personally feel a connection between the two, but perhaps there is one somewhere deep down in my subconscious. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

[cynthialee]

My father was one of the most sexualy inapropriate people I have ever known. He often said things that made me very uncomfortable.
I have endured sexual abuse by some of my cousins and rape by a neighbor, numerous times. I have been raped in prison even and even after all that I refuse to let it hold me down.
Any sexual abuse you went through is NOT your fault in any way shape or form.
It is never a childs fault when they are treated this way. It was nothing you did or asked for.
Allow yourself too heal and make it a point to not pass it on to a new generation.

[spacetime]

I know it isn't my fault, but I am still working on healing. Sometimes I do wonder if my father experienced something like that when he was young. I know he has a myriad of issues, most of which I don't truly know of or understand. Like I said before - I think his love was (and still sort of is) a sick kind of love.

But the abuse aside, I suppose I'm more curious about the connection between GID and very young childhood abuse. I'm not convinced that there is a connection between the two for me, but because my therapist seems to think so I'm willing to explore the possibility.

[Yakshini]

I have been abused by a significant other, parental figures, relatives, and by authority figures.
When I was very young I was sexually assaulted by a police officer. I was young enough where this one instant very well could have permanently damaged my mental health and trust in others because it happened in the point of my life where the most mental development happens (between ages 2 and 5). My cousin was very often sexually inappropriate with me and very often exposed himself to me and tried getting me to do the same for him, as well as asking me disgusting questions and "accidentally" touching me. Both of my step dads were abusive, one of which was really into insane amounts of isolation, never letting me leave my bedroom except to go to the bathroom or eat for days at a time or "punishments" of standing in a corner for upwards of six hours at a time,  the other step dad was more about telling me how stupid and worthless I am on a daily basis.
Sorry if that sounded like whining or something... But yes, I have dealt with abuse. I never thought that it was my fault, mostly what I feel about it is anger. Like... why would someone do such disgusting things to a little kid like I was? What sort of sick fun did these people have in the process of destroying my mind? I don't feel sorry for myself, just angry.

[LordKAT]

I don't believe abuse to be a precursor of GID. One happens to you and the other happens from knowing your body is 'wrong' from birth.

[kyril]

There's a surprisingly high prevalence of childhood sexual abuse in the general population, especially among girls/women. I don't think there's any evidence to show that it's higher among trans people (unlike physical abuse, which is more prevalent, especially for trans girls, who get it worse even than gay boys).

[Cindy]

My parents were completely loving and caring. I never suffered any abuse as a child. I was only abused when I started to go out as Cindy in my teens. Way after I realised I was TG. I think your therapist is clutching at straws.

Cindy

[spacial]

This is really sad spacetime.

One the one hand, the psychologist, if they are any good, might think this issue should really be dealt with first. Especially as you've said it still bothers you.

On the other, the psychologist could simply be looking for excuses to deal with a issue that is of interest to them rather than the issue at hand.

Psychologists and similar do seem rather obscessed with child abuse. Mainly since the early 80s to be honest. Prior to that, the general attitude among most professionals, in my experience was, if you want to talk about it, you want to do it.

[aydan_boy]

My step dad, he was a bastard. It didn't last very long at all, but i guess I still think about it a lot. My mother's the one who links it with my gender identity.
Men and woman who do this to there own children, to OTHERS children are sick.
Your therapist links those two? I can kinda see why, but its a dumb connection never-less.

[confused]

the way i see it is , why would it stimulate GID for a small percentage of abused children? i mean if it does (which i think not) then why isn't GID mostly common among abused kids? people who i have known to be abused as children have issues with sexuality mostly(either over expressing or repelled of and repressing altogether)  but not  gender
for myself i have been sexually abused by other kids at the age of 11 , and couple of times by creepy old men at buses and subway then raped at 12 and something happened by a former friend just months ago (that last one was due to wrong assumptions and excessive use of force )

and yet , my GID issues started before all that , so i wouldn't connect them together
and even if they were somehow connected so what , i have GID anyway , that's the fact now , it's there no matter what caused it whether it happened at the womb or after that. eitherways ,any issues that one might have (especially sexual abuse) has to be dealt with professionally asap

[Raven]

My dad phsically,verbally, and emotionaly abused me as long as I can remember up until his death. I understand that when he was growing up his dad had abused him as well. I was also sexualy abused by an family friend whom also had burned into my mind that he would be my dad. I have never really healed from these things and I'd rather not go into detail about what they did to me it hurts still even after all these years after they died. I can't even handle masks cause they cause me to have flashbacks of the sexual abuse even at times other things trigger the flashbacks. I don't know why they did me like that and I don't think I ever will. But some peace would be nice. Idk I think I said too much already... 

[cynthialee]

Raven,
Your father and other abusers abused you due to thier own shortcomings and issues. Your abuse had absolutely nothing to do with you.
I hope that someday you can work past these issues and find inner peace.
It took me years to come to terms with the >-bleeped-< that happened to me as a kid but it can be done.
**hugz
Cynthia Lee

[Raven]

I hope I can one day. I really do. And maybe one day I can believe that I didn't deserve what they did...17 years of abuse and I'm 23 now still trying to grasp that I am free of their hands and sadly I still fear men and yet I am a guy...I even fear my bf at times but he never hurt me just yelled at me but at least he understands now when he has gone too far and quickly calms hiss voice.

[cynthialee]

I hope I can one day. I really do. And maybe one day I can believe that I didn't deserve what they did...17 years of abuse and I'm 23 now still trying to grasp that I am free of their hands and sadly I still fear men and yet I am a guy...I even fear my bf at times but he never hurt me just yelled at me but at least he understands now when he has gone too far and quickly calms hiss voice.

I still fear men somewhat myself. Now that I have been on E for many months and my strength has diminished I have definatly been feeling it more often.
I am bisexual with a preferance for men (prior to HRT, now I am more into females) but I havent had a boyfriend for decades and have only dated women. I have had sex with men but only in ubber safe settings. Man fear. I seem to have dealt with most of my issues and I have healed most of the wounds but I will always have a certain amount of warriness around males. I think that it is natural and normal for women to maintain a certain amount of alertness around men, especially those we do not know.

Back to abuse: There is nothing a child can do that justifies abuse. I am sure we ALL deserve some disicpline as children some more than others (like me lol) but NEVER abuse.
Have you considered going to counsiling for this issue? It isn't a silver bullet but it does help somewhat.

Remember that you are very young, you have alot of life to walk before you cash in your chips. Take your time. Embrace life and take the time to see the beauty all around you. Do not let some ass who abussed you in your childhood ruin your entire life.

best of luck and wishes
hugz
Cynthia Lee

[Raven]

I never have thought about counsling heh oddly enough I use to go to an counlser and some other type of theirpist. Eh that's been ages ago and for some other complete diffrent issue. Your comments makes since and I appreciate them a lot. I do my best not to let my past rule me as for guys I do best with the ones I know pretty well the only time they scare me is if they yell at me about something in anger or frustration which is pretty rare but when it happens idk I freak out and well you know. But I try to get past my fear as safely as possible its just like you said the ones idk are the ones I get pretty nervous around and watch em like a hawk.

[Josylyn]

At a very young age I was molested by an older boy. Maybe by coincidence, I started to put on my mom's panty and tuck my thingy between my thighs when alone in the bathroom. At 11 I was molested by an older boy and later on by  old neighbor... both times I didn't object. Is it still considered molested? I developed a need to be sexually desired by men after that. I was very effeminate acting and looking, so I'd wear things that would attract them to me. I've always been, and felt like a work in progress.

[Arielle]

When I was young I was abused by my mothers cousin, and at age 7 i was raped by my two drunken cousins, ever since its been a kill. i recently broke up with my boyfriend since hes aggressive and it does bring back memories. Hang in there hun your not alone.