So I told my parents....

[Daszuber]

And uh yeah..... Things are not well
my sister doesn't fully understand it, but is willing to learn and help;
my firend that knows understands and is very supportive;
my dad, now knows and is a logical and rational person, but doesn't understand thus while mtf thing and why I want to do it, but is getting through;
my mother...


She doesn't understand. She can't see why I want this. She is terrified for my life. She is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It's tearing her apart. It is not well and I don't know what to do

they still love me and want me to be happy, but....this.....never expected...full of fear
"if you were just gay, at least you could live a normal life"
"I'm so sad for you; the road you are going down"
etc..

I know it is impossible for them to understand right now, and I am trying to help them as much as I can, but.....I feel so empty and  .....I don't even know

I feel like ->-bleeped-<- for putting her through this

[xAndrewx]

Daszuber, I'm sorry things didn't go great but am glad they are not rejecting you. When I first out to my mom she went through "the stages". First she didn't understand, then she said I could just be a butch lesbian and be fine, then it became fear for loosing that "child" she means that she's going to loose a daughter but gain a son. Now she accepts me and even calls me Alex for the most part. It took time though so I hope your parents will do the same eventually. Don't blame yourself though, in time they may understand, they may not but the question I had to ask myself was "Can I live with myself as something I'm not?". Sometimes we have to do things our parents will not understand but they still love you so I think they will learn in time.

[Colleen Ireland]

I feel like ->-bleeped-<- for putting her through this

I know how you feel.  Most of what you posted could also apply to my wife.  I can only imagine how my mother will take it, at her age.  Anyway, the reason I pulled that little quote out, was because I'm starting to understand that yes, our families, friends and loved ones will go through a great deal as we transition.  So will we.  We have our journey, and so do they.  We can't help them with their journey, any more than they can really help us with ours.  Other than being supportive.  And sometimes they can't do that.  But WE are not putting THEM through this, this is simply how life is unfolding.  And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should...

[Lacey Lynne]

Hey, we totally understand how you feel.  Give them time.  You'd be amazed at how well it can actually all turn out.  Give it a chance.  As I write this, I'm listening to Led Zeppelin's "Houses of the Holy" which is an up and hopeful song.  Anticipate the good.  Give it a chance to unfold for you.  My best to you.   

[Cindy]

Hi,

Sounds like a totally normal family reaction. Don't worry. They haven't thrown you out. They obviously love you. They are in shock.

Have you ever been in either physical or emotional shock? It isn't horror movie shock. It is a full release of hormone and chemokines etc that affect every part of your body.

For your family to be told that there 'son' is now their daughter and proceeding with it is  a total and complete mind and emotional shock.  Remember, and we all forget this, WE know for ages that we are TG, we slowly accept it, try and understand it. We talk to people, including here. Then we make the decision; for our life.  Then we tell Mum and Dad and Sister; Oh BTW I'm TG hope you can cope. In future female pronouns and I'm to be called XX.

Real easy for them?

Total knew experience for them. Most know nothing about TG. Why should they?

How to proceed? Don't know every situation is different.

I do not know your circumstance, do you live at home? Do you have your own place and visit?

OK take your sister out to lunch or dinner as two sisters at a meal. Lots of questions. Lots of talk.  She loves you and you love her and get it together. My sisters had NO problems accepting me and I don't recall any threads when sisters do not accept. You have to be brutally honest. it will be difficult but she needs to totally trust you and you her.


You and your sister take or make dinner together as women. You are comfortable with being you, your sister supports you. Talk the female talk as you all make dinner, again honesty is paramount. You can never let these people not trust you ever again.

Dad doesn't matter, he will accept what the woman say, he may gruff up, but most males just want to be fed and have a happy family.


Hope this is of some use.

[Daszuber]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone
yeah...I guess I knew it would hit some people hard, and I tried to prepare and anticipate that as much as I could, but when it happens, it's worse than I could have imagined..expecially when it's my mom that's hit that hard with it
but as you all say, it is a normal reaction and time will heal....but wow, what a couple of days this has been
I'm spending the evening with her to help her get a handle on this, give her some understanding, so o hope things work out soon
thanks again for all your kind words

[Daszuber]

So I talked to them again, and they have zero belief in any words I say...no matter how many tears flow out from me. I must have trained my mind to think I want to be a girl, apparently. Then my dad got onto the topic of how people can "remote view" others (see others from a far distance with their mind) and how people can use their mind to make others think and believe anything (he reads a lot of books like this)
and they always tend to think I  wrong about any subject I mention (a mews article says that kids who listen to Marilyn Manson will turn to Satanists) - I tell him music dien't make me change my views so drastically like this and has nothing to fear. No. I'm wrong. The news article says it will, so that is truth, what I say from the heart is wrong)
oh, and I shouldn't tell anyone else this....when all I want to do is shout it out....
Man.....this is just getting worse

[Daszuber]

Sorry....just venting