Fear held me back

[tori319]

I plan to come out to my best friend next Thursday.Today she called me on her break,we were talking and she told me she was on the computer.I suggested she look up this 100% passable ftm because it amazed me that I knew he was trans yet still couldn't believe it.She wasn't impressed and she asked me suspiciously if I had anything to tell her.It was on the tip of my tongue but I got scared.I thought that when it finally came down to it I would be calm and relaxed.I'm glad I didn't tell her today because I don't want to do it over the phone,but I just want to be able to get over the fear of the change that me coming out to her will bring.


ps: If any body cares here is the link to the ftm video,he's pretty hot.

[lilacwoman]

Fear zips every Ts's mouth.
But you're 19 so you're old enough to know yourself so you have to decide if you want to stay in the closet or get out and possibly lose this friendship.
lots of posts on here show that coming out does not lose friends so you need to either do it or stay in the closet and get angry and frustrated.

ps.  that guy does absolutely nothing for me...maybe in thirty years when he has silvery sideburns... 

[Pippa]

If you are really sure I would not hold back on coming out.   either your friend will be ok with it or they won't.   If they can't handle your decision, are they as much of a friend as you thought?

Bear in mind that the decision to come out to one person will probably mean you have to come out to everybody.   For me it is important that close family do not hear second hand.

Whatever you do, don't end up in the situation I am in.  I hid the true me for over 30 years.   Time only makes coming out harder and the fear tends to grow rather than diminish.

[brianna111976]

I am 30 and still teriffied to come out.

[Cindy]

This comes back to the same decision always.
It doesn't matter who you are coming out to. It doesn't matter if it is your, wife, husband, best friend, family. The only person you have to come to terms in coming out to is you. 
You are in control and you are the one making the choice. As far as I am aware, no one has ever walked up to another person and said 'You have to change your gender'.

If your friend cannot accept you is she a friend?

Maybe you need to have a long talk to each other.

Hugs
Cindy. Oh BTW cute looking guy in the video

[Cindy]

I am 30 and still teriffied to come out.

Why?
Hugs
Cindy

[Jalene E.]

The first thing I can say is that living a lie by not coming out is far worse than coming out. When I came out I lost every friend I had. I have two brothers and five sisters who no longer want me in their life. My parents think that I was brain washed by my therapist and refuse to speak to me. But the one person that means more to me than any one gave me the biggest hug ever after I came out to her and that person was my wife. Today we still live in the same house and are best friends. She accepts me for who I am period. Our relationship has change as she is not lesbian and I respect her for who she is. We get along great and love each other very much.

Those that we come out to who walk away are people who never new what unconditional love is. I was scared to death to come out and knew I could end up being alone but for my survival I needed to come out. About a week after coming out I felt so good because I shed such a burden. I did not begin living until I came out and today I am the happiest that I have ever been. I still have my best friend and I have made many new friends who accept me for me.

Your friend may run away from you and that's hard but coming out is not for any one but you, it's your life and you need to live it the best way for you. I waited far to long and lived a life of attempted suicide over and over, great anger and depression. Life is very difficult when you impersonate some your not. Coming out gave me a life. Come out only when you know in your heart it is the right time for you.

[Lacey Lynne]

@ Tori319:

Are you pretty certain about your transness?  I'm guessing you are.

Come out, Tori.  Your GID will never go away.  Hardest person to REALLY come out to?  Yourself!

I hid my transness from myself for decades, and it got worse ... and worse ... and worse.  Often times, the late-onset transsexual (me and a few others on here) is the desperate transsexual.  Once you come out to yourself, it's best to start coming out to others.  You decide in what order and in what way you'll do that.  Only you really know the people in your life and how they may or may not handle the news. 

Remember, you are neither a weirdo nor a sinner or anything like that because you're trans.  For me, I had to convince myself of exactly these two things ... before I could finally come out to myself.  Best of luck to you.   

[tori319]

Thanks everyone.Unfortunately she was too busy to hang out today so we won't see each other until next week.I want to tell her in person which is why I don't just do it over the phone.I was both annoyed and relieved that she canceled.My biggest fear is that our relationship will never be the same, but I'm ready to tell her so I hope we can hang out on Saturday but if not I'll have to wait until Thursday.