Want to come out to my mum

[jaybutterfly]

I think after all this time, I want someone in my family to know what I'm going through.

I find leading this double life has drained me. I accept and identify as trans, I feel like I still need to do some exploring as to where I sit or if I want to transition, but its tough. My mother has noticed over the last few months that I seem more feminine, but Im nowhere near as anxious. We had a long talk recently when I mentioned to her about LGBT and I explained what being trans means. She didnt have a problem with it. I think she may be catching on since she doesn't have a problem with me wanting girlier hair.

I once broke down in front of her over how I hated my body, so I think she's probably put two and two together, but I feel I want someone in my family to know.

I don't know if it's worth telling the others in my family: dad and brother

dad's got low opinions of gay people and cant differentiate gay from effeminate. My brother thinks Im wierd for not wanting to be macho like he is. I feel lonely in my own house. I dont think theyd need to know unless I transition (which Im not sure if I could)

Is it worth telling her?

[suzifrommd]

In my opinion, keeping a secret saps energy like nothing else. I couldn't imagine keeping a secret like this. If I were you, I'd want it out in the open.

Your family may need educating. There's a lot of information out there, but much of it is wrong and delivered in a sensationalized way. It would be good for them to know that transgender is a way your brain is wired and is not something you're choosing, and that no one has ever found a way to make it go away.

Good luck. Please let us know what you decide.

[jaybutterfly]

thing is my dad is one of these people who believes being older means instantly knowing more on every subject ever than someone younger... he'd just twist it because he wouldnt understand, Im sure.

As for my brother, he doesnt understand I hate being masculine, and that I need myhead checking, sort myself out, sleep around etc. He doesnt get me at all and just acts nasty

[Rachel]

Hugs,

Is there any way you could see a gender therapist to help you sort out what you want to do and provide support?

[Jasriella]

Maybe your mom is someone you can confide to. My mom had an idea and asked if I was gay and immediately followed it up with she doesn't care and it's none of her business but she just wanted to know, so in my state of shock I tried to explain as best I could at the time which was pretty poor but I did my best.

When we got home it felt like I wasn't being strangled anymore by this massive weight. My drinking has cut down quite a bit too. Hopefully your mom has that openness and doesn't out you till you're ready but I'm sure you'll feel better from it.

[Ltl89]

Coming out can be a lot of things (stressful, liberating, scary, exciting, etc).  At the end of the day, you will never really know how someone will react.  While I wish we all could have prior knowledge on what will happen, we aren't granted this.  With this in mind, you have to decide whether telling someone is worth all the potential scenarios.  I've had amazing as well as terrible responses to it, but I realized the risk going in and knew I didn't have a choice in hiding my transition. The thing is everyone's situation is different and only you can know what's worth disclosing.  Search your feelings and consider all of the risks, rewards, fears and relief that coming out can bring out. 

Personally, I'm glad that I came out to first before family.  It gave me a little bit of support to help push myself forward.  But that's just me and I don't know what's best for you.  Good luck with everything and I hope it goes reall well!

[MbutF]

I 'partially' came out about ten days ago. I just couldn't hold it in any longer....

I don't know about your mother, but I'm having trouble seeing eye to eye with my mother, she hasn't rejected or accepted me. Now that my secret is out to her, I can't control her, I've asked her to not tell anybody, but she might.... spill it.... and I might regret it when it does happen.

Just look at it from every angle, evaluate all possible consequences of coming out.

My original plan was to come out much later, but I had a heated confrontation with my mother about something else...... and my emotions got the better of me, I had to shut her up somehow,.....  and I ended up..... spilling it...... It was totally out of the blue.... she was shocked, so she shut up.