Hi, I'm Mickey, and I'm obviously new here.
For a long period of my life, I've never identified as any biological gender. I loved sports and had male friends. This was all before I went into kindergarden at an all girls school, with uniforms. Ugh.
I never felt like I fit in there, though I'm sure that was for a variety of reasons. The school itself also had a nasty atmosphere in general, and the girls there baffled me, just for a few examples.
In fifth grade, I went to a co-ed school again, and, until half-way through seventh grade, I dressed essencially like a badly dressed boy. I never wore my hair in anything but a pony tail, and tight clothes made me feel uncomfortable and embarassed.
Even after I started dressing more femininely (even then--it was just v-neck t-shirts and jeans that actually showed the shape of my legs), encouraged by my friends, mother, and generally feeling social pressure to do so (not to mention I'm sure part of the reason I had dressed the way I did was because my self-esteem was too low for me to do anything else).
Even though I am materialistic, shopping has always been hard for me because a lot of the time I don't even know if I want to wear the clothes I have even though I like them, at least to an extent and I'm just happy my parents buy them for me. Everything I do feels somewhat mechanical, and a lot of it feels very very learned. I go through periods of feeling apathetic and then have big bursts of emotion. I'm hyperactive, and I have a fairly high tolerance for physical pain, though I used to be extremely emotionally sensitive. I can still be over sensitive, and I tend to take things to seriously, both traits which bother me.
I've always liked men's suits, though. When I was younger (up to when I was about 10-11?) I would insist on wearing pants to formal occasions.
I enjoy gothic things, and own multiple pairs of Doc Martens, yet I don't dress goth for a variety of reasons I'm not gonna bore you with, save I don't think i have enough balls or the right attitude and I don't wanna come off as a dick, since my shyness already comes off in a very stand offish manner.
Also, since people like to associate gender with sexuality; I don't really know that either. Lawl. I had this big epiphany moment where I thought I was bi-sexual, and I really meant it--but in a roundabout way, despite the fact that I've had crushes, and almost gone out with people of both genders, I don't feel like I'm really attracted to anyone a lot of the time. Confused? Me too.
Lastly, my physical features: I suppose I look feminine; I have rather normally sized eyes, which are hazel, a somewhat mousy, european nose. My face is a little broad and my jaw is a little strong, but not strikingly so. My lips are a little thin but still fairly feminine. Like I said, I look fairly European. Actually, I look quite stereotypically british. I honestly don't know if I could pass for male. I've cross dressed for costumes and such, but I've never actually tried in public, especially since i don't really identify as of male right now.
I could go on with my own spirtual views on gender and such, but I think I've given you quite enough as of now.
