Assumptions?

[aubreyyy]

A while back before I was open about being trans I was in a relationship with a guy. He knows me as female and still views me as female, and he wants to get back together with me when he moves back up here around Christmas. I'm bisexual and I still have feelings for him, however I was kind of in the position where I had to tell him that I was ftm. I ended up telling him last night and he got really quiet and said, "Well that's okay. I don't mind." We talked for a little while longer then he asked, "Do you have a penis?"

So my thing about assumptions is- Why do they always assume that there's no such thing as ftm? Why is it that when discussing being transgender people assume that we're mtf?

But he ended up being cool about me being ftm and actually told me he was bisexual, so it didn't bother him at all.

[Clay]

i don't get it either. maybe because of media coverage, i suppose...

[Bones]

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that before these past few years, FtM transpeople have been more stealth and in the closet about it. We haven't really been seen in the media or elsewhere as much till like the past 10 years. But, MtF's have been known visually much longer.

I know like for me. I had NO idea there were so many FtM's till I actually started digging into it. Then was like WOW!

[aubreyyy]

I thought of the media coverage too. Stereotypically when people think of the word trans they think of the transwomen on television with the outrageous costumes and overly-glam make-up. Also, when most people think of transmen they just think of butch women. They don't really consider ftm's to be men.

[Mktwigg]

When I grew up I always heard more people going through MTF then few people going through FTM. He might not understand that some girls feel like they are male

[Cameron James]

Media coverage definitely. MTF has always been more well-known than FTM, just like Drag Queens are better known than Drag Kings.

Though it could be attributed to a passing issue - I find that FTMs have an easier time passing than MTFs, which decreases our visibility. Not to mention it's socially acceptable for women to wear men's clothes - so we get packaged as tomboys instead of FTMs if we don't pass well. But men aren't "allowed" to wear women's clothes - so MTFs are more visible in that sense too.

[Silver]

I don't think he thought you were MTF. He just assumes that you can just "get" a penis (if only, eh?)

[JosephKT]

I also get the impression that he might have thought you've "gotten" a penis surgically or something.  Many people are not aware of how complex and long transitioning is and some even do assume you can just get one grafted on.

[aubreyyy]

He could have thought I had a penis, I'm not sure with him... Either way, a lot of people do assume that ftm doesn't exist. And the people who do realize that it exists usually just think it's a phase and we'll grow out of it. At least, that's the reaction I've been getting when I try explaining what I am to people.