I've been living full-time for about a year now but am still pre-hormones (will be starting very very soon though :-))
So, I always present as woman, but when I see myself in a mirror, I sometimes see a woman and sometimes see an androgynous person trying to look like a woman. Seeing an androgynous person trying to look like a woman is obviously very disturbing to me. Nothing wrong with androgynous persons at all, but as I am M2F I wish to always see the woman that I am. Not seeing a woman is not at all good for my self-esteem and if this happens right before I have to leave the house I might have a panic-attack or two and need to take very very deep breaths before I can actually go out.
On a side-note: I've noticed that what I see in the mirror doesn't always necissarily have anything to do with make-up, hair, clothes, etc. Why? I don't know.
The whole mirror thing made me think about how people who are anorexic have a wrong self image. They look in the mirror and see a fat person, but in reality they are very skinny. Can this in any way be compared to how we experience looking in the mirror? I was thinking, what if even if I do see a woman in the mirror, I am the only one who actually sees it? OMG!!! The whole how-people-respond can be confusing enough, but if people always only call me a woman because they think that's the proper thing to do because they see I am presenting as a woman, then OMG! LOL. I am freaking myself out with this thought and I surely don't mean to freak anyone else here out, so forgive me if I just did.. I just find it fascinating that what I see in the mirror isn't always the same thing, eventhough I try so hard. In our case what we see may have a lot to do with 'practical' things, like needing a haircut with the right bangs or facial hair that grows back after laser, but still, fascinating.
I'm guessing that the mirror thing has a lot to do with self-esteem and attitude and I'm also guessing that hormones may change this in a good way.
What are your mirror experiences like?
