When guys stare at us, what are they thinking?

[ggina]

I like your daughter These are definitely good things to hear, keep up the good work!

g

[stephaniec]

Something that we all do during early transition, sometimes unconsciously, is watch for others' reactions. We tend to look at people's faces a little longer, even as we just walk in the mall or down the street, and that sends what they interpret as some kind of message that something is up. In fact, we MAKE  them take notice of us without even trying. In the animal kingdom, eye contact can mean the difference between a chance encounter and an attack.
  What you're experiencing is just human nature. Men tend to stare at female images even if they're not attached to another human or human at all! I had a close, cisgendered, hetero male friend that would go on about how sexy Japanese Anime characters were; Men are very visually oriented and tend to stare at things they might want, even if it doesn't make sense!
  On the flipside, I found it refreshing to find how women tend to smile at other women. I think that's probably the most influential social change I've found through transition... I get smiled at more. Watching to see if you're being read is what will get you read! It's hard, but you have to learn not to do it.

I had an experience a  time ago. I was out and about pre-transition and was sitting down town in the civic center . Opposite from me in an adjacent room with glass in between were 2 guys in their late 20's staring at me. I couldn't figure out why they were staring, was it because they read me or just because I looked  good   . This went on for 1/2 an hour until they left nothing was said and they didn't have weird faces on. They just kept looking . I'll never know why, but I like to think they were amazed by my looks.

[Angélique LaCava]

the other day wen I wore short shorts for the first time and went into walmart with my friends that isn't so attractive.... every guy that saw me stared at me both front and back of me like they would look at me and then look away look at me and then look away. one guy was there with his brother or atleast i assume it was his brother cause they kinda looked alike and he looked at me for awhile and then started talking to his brother while he was looking at me and he wouldn't stop  smiling and  giggling to his brother while looking at me. one guy followed me for awhile,but I get really self conscious wen guys look at me cause I automatically assume they can tell im transgender.


Edit: I try not to look directly at guys. instead I always get my friend to look at them and tell me what they r doing wen they r looking at me. The other day at walmart she said every guy that passed us was checking me out lol. the funniest guy that checked me out was a older man with his wife and wen his wife looked away he would look at me and then wen she turned to him he turned to her and then when she turned and looked somewhere else  he turned and looked at me again and then she turned and he didn't turn to her cause he was looking at me and she saw him looking at my ass and so she hit him in the arm lol.

[UCBerkeleyPostop]

I'm the type who will assume anyone who looks at me can tell I'm trans and are weirded out by me. Not sure why though. It's frustrating.

That will change with time and confidence.
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People, especially men, do not stare--they look but don't stare-- at me anymore perhaps because of the way I carry myself. "Like better not ->-bleeped-<- with me, Buster!" So I no longer get to use the disarming dirty look and the little smirk  I used to give em when I caught them staring at me.  I used to enjoy that.   

[Eva Marie]

I have experienced this a couple of times recently when I've been out and about.

I'm 51, and since the weather is cooler here right now I usually wear tall leather boots, skinny jeans, and a nice thick sweater. I have enough boobs for them to show under the sweater, but I'm not super stacked or anything. I'm also just a bit taller than average for a female at 5'8", I'm not overweight, but I do have a larger upper torso. I'm told I have a nice butt. My hair is a strawberry blonde wig that is shoulder length (I hate wearing a wig but it is a necessity right now). I'm aiming for a hip, nicely dressed, middle aged suburban mom look. I've observed in my time out in the world en femme that people generally don't give me a second glance.

So anyway, one time I was at a restaurant and a guy eating lunch with his wife turned sideways in his booth to face me (I was at the table across the aisle from his table) and he stared at me for a full 30 minutes. I just kept eating and ignored him. The other time I was leaving a store and a guy was walking into the store and he gave me a long, long stare. I found both experiences creepy. I remember checking out women in guy mode but I did it far more subtly than these two dudes did.

What they saw or thought? I have no idea.

Women on the other hand smile at me now which is nice. In the same restaurant with the creepy staring guy a female employee went out of her way to smile at me, and to say several nice things to me. I was in a mall recently and a group of people were waiting for an elevator. A woman was there with her teenage daughter and the daughter was having some kind of teenage angst. The mom corrected the daughter and then looked at me with a knowing smile and I smiled right back because I have been there before with my own daughters.

Being on the other side of the gender fence has really opened my eyes about guys & guy behavior. Thank heavens I don't have to endure the effects of testosterone any longer.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

You can't read minds and u never will.  Neither will anyone who answers this thread.  Just ask yourself who in the crowd of people's opinion you actually care about one way or the other. It's probably none. Relaxing and having fun regardless of whatever is in their  minds is the thing to do... In *all* situations!

[Dahlia]

You might not realize it, but guys have eyes for details such as a big head, wide shoulders, a thick neck, a big trunk, narrow hips etcetc.especially clad in (overly) feminine clothes.

Guys also notice a masculine way of moving, walking etcetc.


Guys also sense some MTF ' playing'  a woman in the beginning of het transition.

And so do girls, but they don't stare as openly as guys.

[JRD]

When they stare at me, I'm guessing they're thinking "WTF is that?"   Unless they're one of the really creepy ones, then they're probably thinking "I don't care wtf it is, I'd hit it...."

[vlmitchell]

Yeah, generally, when the dudes are staring at me, the default answer to the question of what they're thinking is: "Damn, she's really f***** tall. Yeah, I'd totally hit that.", based on personal experience.

*shrugs*

Boys are easy.

[Tessa James]

You can't read minds and u never will.  Neither will anyone who answers this thread.  Just ask yourself who in the crowd of people's opinion you actually care about one way or the other. It's probably none. Relaxing and having fun regardless of whatever is in their  minds is the thing to do... In *all* situations!

Oh that is just so right on and true.  Perhaps the next thread will be reading palms   

Seriously tho I have changed how i look at guys.  I previously did the male scan for threats, rivals or engagement opportunities.  I like people and love meaningful interaction.  I do want a man to want me.  But now it is different.  I look much more girly than guy and don't expect the same boys to be sizing me up the same way.  I have a life time with bi/gay guys and little experience with being a woman that a straight guy might want and am less certain about handling that situation.  Therefore I am more careful about avoiding the "come hither" look.  Plus I am not interested in going beyond a flirt and cuddle hug anyway.  Heck I'm just glad they don't know what I'm thinking   Putting my sunglasses on 

[barbie]

With 4.25 inch heels, I look like 195 cm (6'5"). Nearly everybody in the street studies me, whether they are man or woman. Even kids do.



I am going to try 5.5 inch heel boots very soon.

Of course, even without heels, people study me. High heels just boost it. It's funny and thrilling. I can enjoy it.

barbie~~

[stephaniec]

With 4.25 inch heels, I look like 195 cm (6'5"). Nearly everybody in the street studies me, whether they are man or woman. Even kids do.



I am going to try 5.5 inch heel boots very soon.

Of course, even without heels, people study me. High heels just boost it. It's funny and thrilling. I can enjoy it.

barbie~~

you look great. I need to lose weight

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

I loved this reply.  Yes people don't credit children  with enough intelligence. In many ways their intelligence is superior to adults and they are untarnished by prejudices. Your daughter sounds lovely x

Ggina,

I do not see any difference between kids and adults regarding understanding and reacting to my ->-bleeped-<-. Of couse, many people worry about my kids like you, but kids are surprisingly intelligent and mature. We tend to think that kids are premature, and thus their cognitive power is less than that of adults. However, I think this is untrue. In essence, kids can recognize, interpret and understand the world as well as adults do.

For example, my little daughter scolds me, and threats like "Men should have short hair. Daddy, you must have your hairs cut. Or, I will cut it for you." A few days ago, she saw my one-piece dress in my closet, and scolded me again by saying like "Daddy. You remember that I once said to you that men should not wear skirts. Men should not wear women's dress. Got it?" At playgrounds, she sometimes introduces me to her play mates by saying like "this is my daddy. He is like a woman, isn't he? (and laugh out loudly)" And etc.

Interestingly, my dad commented exactly the same way during the past 4 years.

Any way, I love my little daughter so much, and she is also very proud of me. I heard that she boasts of me in her preschool so frequently. When I first met her in her preschool, she boastfully said to her mates several times like "This is my dad!". A teacher there playfully replied like "(Do you think that here only you have dad?) I also have my dad." Then, my daughter replied like "Is he tall as much as my daddy? My daddy is tall!" My daughter seems to believe that I am the most intelligent person in the world.

People are bound to try to seek any flaw from transgendered parents. But our family does not have those flaws that they are seeking. Sometimes they seem to believe that we have some problems. But later, they realize that I bring up my kids far better than them. For example, here some kids do not have their dad, or their dads do not have a job. Still, some of their moms try to advise my wife on bringing up our kids.

Barbie~~

[barbie]

I loved this reply.  Yes people don't credit children  with enough intelligence. In many ways their intelligence is superior to adults and they are untarnished by prejudices. Your daughter sounds lovely x

Yes. Kids have far better power of observation and far keener sense of hearing. I tend to be surprised that my kids pinpoint something I overlooked. As we get old, we loose those powers gradually. I am now not so much enthusiastic about listening music, but my son does, asking me to purchase an absurdly expensive portable music player.

barbie~~

[Allyda]

First, again Barbie you look great. Being originally from California and living in LA for a few years 6 ft women aren't that uncommon. Many are models.

As for me at 5-5 I'm on the average side as far as height same for my weight at around 120. I now live in a rural area of Florida and surprisingly I don't get that many stares. Even without makeup. I'm very long legged for my height so if I'm wearing a pair of shorts I'll get the looks at my legs and many "nice legs" comments from both guys and girls. I'm kind of shy though and tend not to smile much because the accident I was in in 91 left me with teeth problems I haven't had the opportunity to get fixed yet due to funds so I mostly only focus on my immediate surroundings and those people in them. However unless someone knows me personally, I'm always percieved as a "she" and addressed accordingly. As far as stares I don't seem to get them or at worse, don't notice them when/if I do get them.

[barbie]

However unless someone knows me personally, I'm always percieved as a "she" and addressed accordingly. As far as stares I don't seem to get them or at worse, don't notice them when/if I do get them.

Allyda,

Thanks for compliment. Yes. I have been in FL twice about 10 years ago. It was a beautiful place, but a little bit boring for me, especially in rural areas.

It is a good news that people do not stare at you. You seem to pass very well.

I also want to mix well with other ordinary women, but it's impossible. A good thing is that aged women here tend to envy my body shape and like to speak to me. Some of them even gave me a small gift.

I wish to visit FL again.

barbie~~

[peky]

What the boys are thinking depends of how you look:

In my case I think they either think:

A) She is hot, I want to bag her;She is so beautiful and elegant I wish she was mine,
how can I approach her, or

B) Look at the arrogant bitch (feeling intimidate)... "evil thoughts," or

C) If I have spoken, then they get the "WTF" look... "more evil thoughts"


In any case, they are never 'dismissed," always kept in the radar; but at the end of the day I just do not give a "rat ass" why they are looking at me

[Stella Stanhope]

When I had longer thick hair, I used to get honked by car horns by cars driving from behind. Sometimes this felt creepy, sometimes this felt satisfying.

Nowdays, I don't look feminine from the front or back, but I wear flared women's coats and because my waist appears quite small, I see some male drivers' instantly swivel their heads towards me when they see my feminine silhouette, before seeing me properly and then loosing interest. Some keep looking however, but I'm not sure what they're thinking. To be honest, I'd rather like to be looked at and admired by a guy. As it sure beats being blanked by women continuously.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Since I find guys repulsive, when they stare at me, I tend to think: "What the hell are you looking at, you loser?" I'm a total frump anyway, so it's not like I'm eye candy or anything.

[barbie]

I see some male drivers' instantly swivel their heads towards me when they see my feminine silhouette, before seeing me properly and then loosing interest.

When they hear my low voice, they tend to loose interest. But a few guys still chase me, anyway, and most of them look like fool.

Thus, I have no reason to enjoy the stare of men.

barbie~~