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Parent of "transgender' child

Started by Sheila R, September 12, 2010, 05:28:49 PM

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Sheila R

Well, not a child, exactly - she just turned 29, but the last fifteen years or so have been quite an education.  We had just got used to learning Elizabethwas gay during her high school years, when she informed us five years later, whilst at Graduate School, that she was actually transsexual and though she had her "top" done, she didn't plan to actually get completely reassigned sexually. (She talked her Dad out of the money by telling him she wanted a breast reduction - being a great fan of plastic surgery, he never questioned her!)  Elizabeth (now Eli)  insists that you can fall anywhere on a scale from 1- 10 as far as sexual orientation goes, and that though she now identifies as a man, she actually feels quite androgynous (and looks it - like Jim Morrison), is in a relationship with a great girl (lesbian) and is perfectly happy being neither either/or!  She's getting her second Masters' Degree, as we speak - though she lives as a man, she's quite open about her transexuality - and - why am I writing?  Because I know so many of her (his - I'm trying - still have trouble with the pronouns)  wonderful friends, at this point, that I just want to go on record as being a Mom who truly feels she's adapted to the fact that NO MATTER WHAT, your child is always your child.  Eli will always be that beautiful baby to me; that wonderful independent little child who grew up with boisterous brothers, and had wonderful girls for friends throughout her school years!  I remember her once telling me that she really, really REALLY loved her friends!  And I remember thinking then (she was about twelve) that she could very well be gay!  It was always fine with me, and always was despite some of the minor glitches once she finally decided to express herself! .  (Getting attacked by the wrestling team at prep school when she announced her unabashed love for one of the freshman cheer leaders!)  SHe/He has always been something of an activist - and i've been constantly amused, actually, by her wonderful stories of life as a trangendered person.  In fairness, I've heard many tragic tales from some of her transgendered friends - but, anyway - I wanted to say here that if any of you are parents who would like to exhange thoughts with me on the topic, then I'am here. I would also like to get some sort of a glimpse of what it really means to BE a transgendered person because sometimes I think Eli puts a really brave face on it, and despite his ability to "make it all work" for him, he's STILL in college, and sooner or later will have to tackle the rest of the world head on!)  Thanks for listening.
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bunny

It takes a really good and strong person to try and accept something that they might not understand, so many people are just not that strong. Congratulations you are to be respected and commended for that. Eli sounds like he has got your strength and from what I gather will do exceptionally well in anything he sets his mind to, so one more congratulations to an obviously extraordinary parent! ;)
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Astarielle

It's nice to have someone so understand on the side of a TG. Not everyone is so lucky.

These are good people here, they'll treat ya right. Brace yourself for one hell of a ride.
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Sheila R

Thanks for responding.  I spent several hours combing through this site, last night - looking to "know" Eli better.  Talked to him about it, this morning - and he's really pleased.  Wonderful person, as are many of you - I can tell!  For some reason, I never found it hard to "get" the idea that a person could become something other than either/or in utero - the "hormone washes", for one thing - and, in my case, I was expecting twins.  Interestingly, Eli's twin brother has low testosterone (though we think it's probably due to all the weed he smokes), while Eli is awash, in no need of supplementation!  I know of many sets of twins where both are gay, interestingly.  One day, we'll know what happens, I'm sure of it.  In the meantime, I hope that more parents come to understand that their children are who they are, no matter what!
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rejennyrated

Sheila - welcome to Susans.

You sound as though you have made great efforts to understand your children and I am sure that your accepting and supportive attitude will stand them in good stead, just as my own mother's did for me when I first came out to her as a young child over 45 years ago. Back then this whole thing was less well understood so I was incredibly lucky that she was as accepting and supportive as she was. As a direct result I missed about 90% of the traumas that many people on here have suffered

I have now been postop for over 25 years and I can testify that for those of us who are so constructed the treatment does work and does improve our lives.

Now a few minor administrative points if I may (as one of the forum moderators). Certain features of the forum will not become active until you have made a certain number of posts without and problems. You find details of this here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html

Susan's is a very welcoming and friendly place where you will find many people who face the same issues as you do. I know of at least two other parents who are on here.

Finally please make sure you read the site terms and rules which can be found here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html

I applaud your efforts to inform yourself. As an adoptive parent myself, of someone who battles with alcohol, I know how difficult it can be to watch your children go through things that you yourself have no experience of.

Your actions in coming here to interact are a tribute to you.

I look forward to reading your contributions.

Jenny.
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Octavianus

Welcome Sheila, it is always nice to read about people willing to learn more about the people they care for. I am positive that the many people on this forum are more than able and willing to assist you, the knowledge base is also excellent.
Keep being a great and understanding mother to your children, your son is very fortunate to have you as his mother.
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Janet_Girl

Hi Sheila, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 3300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another parent. :icon_hug:

You are a very understanding parent.  It is hard enough for Transpeople to become who that are to begin with.  But to have a parent that is trying to understand and is so accepting of their child is truly a blessing.

It would be so much better if all parents could be so understanding.  Eli is is truly blessed to have a Mom like you.  :)

Hugs and Love,
Janet
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Robert Scott

Welcome to the group.  It is a journey ... and one well worth taking.

I have an ftm son as well.  He started transitioning a year ago...we have tried to be there along the entire way.  His mom even gave him his first shot of T.  One thing that really helped the family was the discussion about the American Medical Association saying transgender is a medical condition that needs treatment.  So, we approached it (my wife & I) if he was diabetic we wouldn't not help him with what he needed.  We would get educated on the condition.

Finally, We are part of a yahoo group -- that is just for parents of Ftm's.  It's a great group of folks from all over and kids ranging from 6 to late 30:s ...they answered a lot of our questions
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Renate

Quote from: Sheila R on September 13, 2010, 04:36:35 PM
Interestingly, Eli's twin brother has low testosterone (though we think it's probably due to all the weed he smokes), while Eli is awash, in no need of supplementation!
Has this been investigated? It might be Polycystic ovary syndrome.
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Sandy

Sheila:

Welcome to Susan's!  And thank you for your support of your child.  This can be a hard life and having the love and support our parents can make all the difference.

Your attitude, unfortunately, is not universal, and many of us must face a future without those who we love.

As you see from your search through our site, there we are all across the spectrum of trans.  From those who are just starting out to those who have completed their transition.  We try to help each other and provide information to those in need.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, that is one of the reasons why we are here.

Thank you again for coming to Susan's and if Eli isn't a member yet, tell him about us as well, we would love to get to know the both of you better!

Thanks!

-Sandy
Out of the darkness, into the light.
Following my bliss.
I am complete...
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