A ‘community’ I don’t feel part of

[Natasha]

A 'community' I don't feel part of

http://anabellehamilton.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/a-community-i-dont-feel-part-of/
by anabellehamilton
9/9/10

The transgender 'community' like a number of other special interest communities is fractured, there is not a common sense of purpose or indeed an agreement to what one might define as a true definition of transgender. The community encompasses a huge range of people from weekend cross dressers to people who have had full gender re-assignment surgery. When one visits these transgender sites one is faced with what first appears to be a homogeneous world but one quickly discovers that the level of disagreement and  lack of empathy amongst the clique interests that make up a disconnected whole is not a happy place in which to find oneself.

[Muffin]

One of the best news articles I've seen in some time.....

So having transgender websites gives us an illuminated sign where we feel we can seek similarity but I personally have found more similarity amongst my genetic female friends who I have now told about me. They truly understand and lovingly seek to support my journey. I get advice I get friendship and I get no sense of jealousy, bitterness or exclusion.

I've been banned by more TG forums than non-TG forums throughout my time on the internet. All for things that I would consider petty.
Which I find to be both amusing, saddening and concerning.
For such a community that supposedly understands just how alone we are and how much we "need" support from others at this point in our lives, to ban someone essentially from a small part of that community is to me a very dangerous thing. I feel there should be more understanding for those that are going through problems in their lives and may not be dealing with them as well as others. I understand banning those that are found to not be TG but for those that are and get banned I feel very sorry for them. And if not more so, considering the higher suicide rate amongst TG people. They are the ones that need it the most. When I got a temp-ban I had a lot of dark thoughts and it increased how much I felt alone. I considered writing off the TG community and saw it as a sign that I don't fit in and that I am completely different (again).

I'd expect it from non-TG sites but not TG forums, if someone breaks a rule then it would seem better to try and make the situation better before writing them off. Like I said they need the most help.

I once got a temp ban from this site for smiting someone for derailing one of my threads, the other day I noticed that it is in the rules to not derail a thread, but if you smite someone for breaking that rule you become the bad person and will be banned. To me that is strange and confusing. :S

There is a lot of love in our community but there is also a lot of hate. For a community that tries to ask for understanding and acceptance from the general public we should maybe work a little closer to home first.

[Hermione01]

I've found division amongst a community is very common, especially online.  Even on other support sites that are not tg related, there will always be a small group of people who want to know who is 'real' or who doesn't belong, who has it worse etc.etc.
Just seems to be human nature.

[Dawn D.]

As with ANY community of whatever bent they are, there are going to be those who have agendas to fulfill. Just because they may have a similar issue that is close to your own, does not guarantee complete concurrence when it comes time to 'stand up and be counted'. I think one of the better examples of this is what can happen when, on a more macro level, one from within our (larger) community makes (perceived) disparaging statements about the community they are supposed to be a part of, i.e. Susan Stanton, who comes to mind.

I tend to see the overall trans community as a sort of scholastic type environment. One in which contains cliques. You know, you have the popular kids, or the jocks, the cheerleaders etc. This type of social order exists within our trans community as much as it does any other! The author is very correct about these "sub groups". They exist, and they can benefit you or they can ostracize you based upon who they feel you are to them or how you might or might not fit in with them. At times it feels all very juvenile. However, I can also rationalize a form of twisted understanding for the methodologies utilized; even as unfair and discriminatory as they can be and are.

It's not just within the online community either. The trans community is as political, hierarchical and "fractured" with many different sub-set groups as any other group or organization out there. Quite simply, it is what happens naturally when you get more than one person together with another as a group. This type of self-segregating special interest aligning is simply a part of the human experience.

It's these realizations that keep me from participating in a more significant manner than I currently do now. Either, in these forums or in the more visible and tangible organizations who purport to represent us. Our lives are difficult enough, are they not? Having someone sit in judgment of me based upon whether or not I wish to be a part of their particular sub-set or group is not appealing to me nor conducive to what little valuable time I can afford to the community as a whole. I don't like agendas. Especially personal agendas that you must be willing to acquiesce to in order to progress within ANY community, including the trans community.


Dawn