Trouble at my apartment one night

[Britney_413]

Welcome to the world of being a woman in this society. The same late night errands and trips I can do as a man are obviously no longer the same as a woman. It really is sad that a man can go to a gas station late at night and purchase items and nobody bothers him other than maybe some beggar. Yet when a woman goes to that same location then suddenly creepy men are trying to pick her up, ask her if she needs a ride, following her after she leaves, aggressively staring, etc. So much for "equality."

Anyway to my point the other night I was dressed in a feminine but casual fashion (tight jeans, cute flats, colorful top, minimal makeup) and had just stopped in to a bar for a mixed drink (a tg-friendly place). I get home and it is after 2 am and I went to get my mail as I hadn't picked it up earlier that day. Some guy was wandering around the complex but did not appear suspicious at that time. This is an upscale area I live in and while my apartment is reasonably priced most of the homes, businesses, and apartments are pretty upscale. This is not a place or a neighborhood that anybody tolerates people loitering. So I get my mail and notice the guy pass the boxes and wandered off somewhere else. I go to my apartment which is a considerable distance from the mail boxes and 2-3 minutes later there is a knock on my door and it is him.

Anyway, I didn't open it and I looked out and he was hanging around my front door for like 10 minutes. So I called security and they didn't answer (which is never supposed to happen). The guy wanders away and comes back again and knocks a second time. I turned off all lights to the entire apartment so that he could not see in and to send a message that I was not interested in answering the door. Some people think that lights are safer. Personally I think darkness is safer. I know my unit well and don't need to see much to manuver. On the other hand since he can't see me or see in it gives me the advantage. Anyway, he kept persisting for another 20 minutes. I call security twice more and they still don't answer so I call the police. They arrived in less than two minutes and when they came he had gone and sat on the steps nearby. I explained the situation and while it isn't illegal to knock on people's doors it was suspicious. Basically what they do is check the person out to make sure they don't have warrants, warn them it is private property and they risk trespassing, and that they are disturbing people. So they couldn't arrest him but basically if he comes back and keeps doing it then he can be in trouble.

So I hope I did the right thing. It sounds pretty minor but I don't take chances these days. It is pretty obvious that when some strange man follows a girl he doesn't know up to her apartment in the middle of the night that he has nothing good in mind. The walls are too sound proof for me to have yelled through the door and I didn't want to open it because that could have resulted in a forced entry and a fight. Even if I had won which I probably would have I'd rather have the police nip it in the bud first instead of me having to shoot an intruder and then deal with media, lawyers, police, and who knows who else. Worse, I don't want to be a victim of a hate crime. Anyone who is familiar with the Rita Hester case basically what happened was she simply answered the door when someone knocked and was brutally stabbed to death as soon as she opened it. This sparked the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance nationwide. So my general advice to others here is to err on the side of caution. I'd rather have people call me paranoid and stay alive than people talk about how stupid I was at my funeral. Have a great weekend.

[Meepit]

That's creepy as hell  glad you're alright. This makes me worry about the women in my family  especially my sister who lives in another province. Stuff like this happens everywhere and unfortunately mostly to women. My friend's neighbour answered a door about a year ago in a very "safe" part of town only to get clocked in the head and have her house robbed while she was unconscious. The only thing that let's me rest easy about my sister's safety far away is that we both had self-defense classes in high school which were pretty decent (a lot tend to be scammish). Maybe you can check one of those out or maybe even take a kick boxing class or something lest this incident happens again, you'll be more than prepared to tackle it. My ex even carries a can of mace and a knife (that's pink  how menacing) so it's not too uncommon for a woman to invest in a little "protection". 

[Fencesitter]

You did exactly the right thing, there was nothing paranoid about it. Had that happened to me, it would have freaked me out. I don't know if the creepy guy clocked you or not, occasionally such things happen to GGs as well.

Plus, not only was it stalking what this creepy guy made, but also disturbance of the peace at night. I mean, you may have wanted to go to sleep, and this guy keeps knocking at the door.

It's good that the police have checked him, so in case this happens again, further steps can be taken. I hope he'll never show again.

[V M]

I'm glad your alright... Creepy guy's hanging about tend to be no fun... Maybe the guy in your situation just wanted to meet you but you never know these days

I made the mistake of leaving my door unlocked earlier this year because I felt safe living in "Mormonland"... but a guy walked right into my apt. and tried to have his way with me... He got pissed off and cursed me out when he realized I didn't have the bottom parts he was looking for and left

I was lucky he didn't decide to beat me up more or kill me... I also realized how much strength I'd lost and how easily I bruised due to HRT

No matter how safe the area seems to be... Make sure your safe

[Fencesitter]

I made the mistake of leaving my door unlocked earlier this year because I felt safe living in "Mormonland"... but a guy walked right into my apt. and tried to have his way with me... He got pissed off and cursed me out when he realized I didn't have the bottom parts he was looking for and left

I feel sorry for you, this situation must have been a big shock, even though you were lucky that he didn't freak out in a worse way. Horrible. There's a transwoman living not far from here, she got assaulted by a group of guys who thought she was a GG when she was walking through a street at night. They wanted to rape her, then found out she still had male bottom parts and decided to beat her up horribly instead, she had to spend some time at the hospital.

For some of you, if you consider having a dog anyway, this might help. A friend of mine got a big black dog and since then she says, creepy encounters and comments on the street have decreased a lot whenever she takes her dog with her. Her dog's really nice and harmless but looks somewhat intimidating and would defend her if anything happens.

[V M]

I had a cocker spaniel at the time... He ran and hid in the bedroom and left me to fend for myself... I had to coaxe him out and reassure him all was okay after the fact 

[cendre]

well this thread has got me very paranoid at 3:30 am

[Cindy]

Hi Britney,

You did almost the right thing, except what the H*** were you doing checking a mail box outside at 2 am .. Sadly predators are every where. That doesn't mean all guys are perverts, but one pervert can cover a lot of ground. Woman, sadly, have to be paranoid about personal safety.  That doesn't mean we don't live our lives, we just need to think ahead and be careful.

Physically most woman don't stand a chance against an aggressive guy. Even if we used to be physically male. One: the aggressor has the advantage, he will be close to you you have little time to see and respond to the threat. Once you are on the ground you are essentially finished, check out cage fighters, once on the ground few win, and they do it professionally, and for some reason like the pain . In my country we cannot carry firearms, mace or other weapons. In yours you can but any defensive weapon can be used against you.

I have been amazed and shocked by my drop in upper body strength since being on HRT for less than six months. I train at a gym three times a week, OK I don't do lots of weights but I'm fit. Yesterday I changed a tyre on a small saloon car. It took me ages. I could not turn the bolts, I had to use an extension bar. I couldn't pick the tyre up . In the end I had to ask a (male) neighbour for help. I felt so silly. But I have to realise my body has changed even if the boobs haven't grown .

So my past life experience with a male body is of no help to me now in a physical confrontation. So remember. Do all the female defense things. Think about the consequences. Have the car keys ready. Carry a little torch in you bag so you don't fumble around opening the door. Tell people you are going out. Never open a door to strangers. Always lock the car doors when driving. Don't sit alone on the subway. Be aware of the environment.  Lots of other things depending upon where you live.  If in anyway concerned call the police. That's what they are there for. Keep the mobile phone in your bag where you can reach it. If the car breaks down call assistance and stay in the car. Roll the window down enough to talk and not enough to be grabbed.

I can assure you that drug addicts see womens handbags as an easy score. They also don't give a damn if that bag is on an 80 or an 18 year olds arm.

Sorry to hear about the experience, just so glad you are OK.

Cindy

[spacial]

What occurs to me, along the lines of Cindy, is that, while you correctly point out that women get hassled all the time by creeps, generally, they treat the precautions, such as not going to check your mail at 2am, as second nature.

Please be more careful.

[Britney_413]

The late night issue is a sad reality. It isn't the same for a man to check the mail at 2 am as it is for a woman. Some things can be unavoidable as well though. I work an evening shift and it is a good 10 pm when I get home. I may have to run errands late as well. The apartment has security guards at night but that safety net failed this time. The guard was not doing his job that night because he didn't answer the phone when I called. I reported it to the apartment manager and they said they will investigate the incident.

The small things are often what keeps you out of trouble and I believe I did those rather well. It is better to be aware of your surroundings and avoid an incident than to have to fight or use weapons and then deal with police, lawyers, and doctors if you also got hurt. These incidents are also good self defense training as well. I noticed the man before I even got the mail but he could have just been another resident. The fact that I did notice him instead of being distracted with a cellphone or other things already helped raise my guard. I also had the keys handy in the first place so it took no time to open the door. I then immediately locked the door behind me as soon as I entered. These simple steps went a long way.

Now I do own weapons but that doesn't mean I'm dying to use them. Like a fire extinguisher they are there for emergencies. I will still avoid things that could cause a fire just as I will avoid something that will require the use of physical force. I decided not to open the door for two reasons: it could have allowed him to force entry requiring me to defend myself and second it would have made it look to the police like I let the guy in raising questions to it being self-defense. By not answering the door, I avoid having to defend myself and maintain legal protection as well. If the guy then smashed the window or kicked in the door and then I defended myself (such as shooting him) there would be little question as to it being self defense. The broken glass/damaged door plus phone records proving I already called security would prove I was in danger.

I honestly do believe he thought I was a GG but what difference does that make? I either passed as a girl and he wanted to come in and rape me or I didn't pass and he wanted to come in and beat me up. Eithe way the end result is you are killed afterwards. Anyway, I don't think it is per se wrong to run errands or do things late at night but you do have to be much more careful and aware of your surroundings. Many women work second and third shifts and have to be at bus stops at 4 am or so. Reality is reality but we must be careful. This is a safe neighborhood but stuff happens everywhere. I have had some self defense training and had he have broken in my house I would not have hesitated to defend myself but let's face it. I want to live my life as stress free as possible and it simply is less stressful to have the security my rent pays for handle it or the police my taxes pay for handle it than me have to handle it and have my face all over the news.

Thanks for everyone's support.

[gennee]

Britney, you did the wise thing by not opening the door. I have a saying that if someone knocks on
my door at 2 in the morning, it's something that's not good.   What happened to you is not uncommon.
It's happens everywhere. I'm glad that you are safe.

Gennee

[Farm Boy]

You did the right thing, and the same thing I'd have done.  It's better to be safe than sorry, and following you to your house in the middle of the night is not exactly normal behavior.  I hope this is the end of the situation, and I'm glad you're Ok!

[Shang]

You did the right thing and I'm glad you're OK! 

I've checked my mail a bit late at night, but I pull up the mailbox and grab my mail and then drive to my apartment.  I also keep my key out and between my knuckles in case someone decides to follow me or give me hell.  If someone knocked on my door, though, I'd probably quietly go to my room and set p my gun just in case and then I'd plop myself on the couch and wait to see if he tried to break in....and I'd call the cops right away.