My Introduction

[kylie]

Thank you all for being here. I am currently working with a wonderful gender therapist after over 50 years of struggle. I have never felt that I fit in anywhere. I knew I wanted to be a girl from my earliest memories. But my Father beat and sexually abused me until it went deep into my sub concious. Only for it to come up time and time again without me fully understanding what these feelings, emotions and sadness meant. Now that I know what I am I am having much trouble figuring out what to do. All I want to do is cry all the time.

I have a beautiful wife, wonderful children ages 23, 8 and 9, a good career and am financial alright. But I am so sad. Eeven with the meds for ADHD and depression that I just started a few months ago. I'm so afraid of losing my beautiful family that makes my life worth living. But I don't think I can go on in this charade of a life.

I'm seeing my therapist on Wednesday so I hope she can help me. Sorry to be such a downer. But I just needed to talk to somebody.

Bless you all for listening,

Kylie

[Sarah Louise]

Welcome Kylie,  sit back and take a look around Susan's, there are many resources here.

Good luck with your therapist also.

Sarah L.

[Julie Marie]

Hi Klyie,

Welcome to Susan's.  You'll find a lot of people here who have been or are going through similar situations as yourself.  We won't take the place of a therapist but we can certainly add to that.

Take the time to read the rules and familarize yourself with them.  Look around.  Check out not only the forum but the Wiki, The Reference Library and the other fine sections at Susan's.  I think you'll find this helpful.

Again, welcome,

Julie

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello Klyie,
I have had and still have some of the same struggles. I am 56 years old and only begin to understand about myself. Last year is when I first began to understand that I was a transgender person.
I am ADD and now I believe that I am a bi-gender and the female side seems to be transsexual which really doesn't help matter.
I have 3 children the youngest is 25 and 4 grandchildren of which the oldest is 4. They are the light of my life. And I have concerns about what I am driving my family away.
I also have been depressed to the point of wanting to die because it hurt so badly.   
Yes do see a therapist they are flesh and blood people you can talk to and bounce idea off of. For those two reasons alone it is will worth going.
So welcome to Susan's and some new friends who you can share with.

Jillieann/JR

[Suzy]

Hi Kylie and welcome!

I'm still fairly new here too but have found the people here very caring and concerned.  You are not alone.  You and I share a lot of the same struggles.  So let's keep in touch.

Again, welcome!

Kristi

[Melissa]

Hi Kylie.  Welcome to Susans.  I think you'll find some wonderful support here.  You can feel free to express your feeling and get to understand yourself a lot better.  Talking with others can be a wonderful way to cope, especially if you are feeling sad all the time.

Melissa

[tinkerbell]

Hello Kylie and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you so much for your introduction.  As you have probably noticed there are many members here in different stages of transition who are always willing to give you a helping hand when you most need it.  Please feel free to explore all of Susan's forums, get familiar with the site rules and visit our wiki where you will find wonderful articles on tg-related issues.

Welcome again Kylie, enjoy your stay at Susan's!

tinkerbell

[HelenW]

Hi, Kylie, WELCOME!

When I finally realized, just before my 50th birthday, who I really am and that my true identity's manifestaion would change everything in my life I went into a deep depression, mourning for the life I had built and knew would change drastically as well as mourning for losses I hadn't even experienced yet.  Yes, my life has changed and in many ways for the better.  I have lost some friends and I've made more even better friends and I have not yet lost my family.  My wife accepts me more and more now, my two sons (in their 20's) accept me and my mom told me, "No matter what I still love you."

I'm telling you this so you can see that there is light on the other side of this and that what you are experiencing is not all that different from what many of us have felt.  I'm very happy that you decided to join us here at Susan's.  This is a wonderful place and has helped me very much ever since I started reading the posts a year and a half ago (I joined last December).  I hope that you'll read and post more here and find the same kind of comfort I did.

hugs & smiles!

WELCOME ! ! 
helen

[kylie]

Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement and support. I need that so desperately at this time. I know from my reading so much over the past month that I am not alone anymore and that I have found where I belong. I just so desperately need to connect with people that will accept me and let me be me.

This is my first step. Therefore, you all will be forever in my heart.

Thank you so much,

Kylie