Online dating/Stealth pre-t

[notyouraverageguy]

For those of you who don't hold to your trans status, &are completely stealth.. Can one be stealth pre-t?

For those of you who've asked about when disclosing your trans status is appropiate if even at all.. When using an online dating site (&pre-t &only passing as a young boy in real life, but passing close to your real age in pictures) and trying to be stealth, is it even possible? Because I know a lot of people like to meet up, or talk on the phone but I think its 100x harder to be stealth pre-t. How would you go about this, besides waiting for after T.

[Inkwe Mupkins]

Well I'm pre-T and I live stealth. The people that knew me before I shaved my head which was when I was 10 know that I'm biologically female but other than that no one else does. I don't think it's harder to live in stealth but that's just me. I have a masculine build and a more masculine face. If however you have a female build and feminie facial features then it may be harder to pass pre-T. It also depends on age. A 14 yr old cismale may not have facial hair and have a slender build, but a 40 yr old man thats worked all his life probably will have facial hair and have a more solid build.

Personally I don't think you need to tell someone your trans unless your in a sexual or a long-term relationship, other than that why do they need to know.

[Wolf Man]

I am Pre-T and I am stealth.

My work supports my trans status and thus I am able to be stealth at work. Only managers have possible access to my female identity and as far as I know only one lady knows and that's because she signed some applications I had and I trusted her most to give them to. She was very kind and actually more concerned herself about me exposing my female staus It was very sweet.

At school I am stealth to everyone besides teachers. I let them know that I prefer male pronouns and my male name, Sebastien. So that helps with no one knowing that I'm a female. As for people who knew me in the past  that's taken care of somewhat since most understand that I am a transsexual etc.

Exceptions would be that neither my parents or my SO's parents know that I am a transsexual. They just assume me a very butch lesbian And my sisters know, but they can't actively do things to support it since they have to walk around my parents, if you catch my drift.

But as I am sure you can tell from my avatar, I am not the most feminine looking person in the world. I have passed for male since before I even knew what a transsexual really was. Though I always enjoyed it. I find it funny to look back and realize what I didn't realize then. Anyway, I agree with Shaun that it isn't such a terrible task so long as you don't look terribly feminine and don't have a terribly feminine voice. Neutral is the gateway, but anything more feminine than that isn't too good.

So I guess just try to be pretty androgynous, train your voice to go a bit lower, and make sure you've got masculine mannerisms. That should help when T isn't an available option. And don't let not passing put you down. Just keep trying.

[notyouraverageguy]

Thanks guys.

Sebastien,
I completely pass as a 14 yr old boy, in person, because of my voice &height :/
I've tried to go lower but its pretty high, I've gotten it a little lower from what it was before..but sometimes I can't keep it low, if my throat is dry, or I talk to fast etc.

[Nygeel]

I do know one guy that was...I guess 97% stealth pre-T. He dated straight girls that never knew he was trans. He didn't do any online dating that I know of so I can't really comment on online dating and being stealth.

I will say, that I was on OKCupid where all of my pictures I "passed" (some with stubble). I did not post that I was trans, just that I was involved with the LGBT community. I was told a whole bunch of times that I was a girl, or asked if I was trans (by somebody who dated a trans guy and wanted to date another trans guy). All in all, I didn't get responses and it was just...bad. Now I'm going with pictures without facial hair and writing "I'm transgender FTM" in one of the sections to just get it out of the way.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I never disclose my status now....but pre-T I was as stealth as possible...it's possible, if you're lucky enough to have a straight figure and a deep enough voice or naturally high T levels. Or just a male figure in general.

[Wolf Man]

Well Femboy, are you 18-? If so, then that's not too shabby  If you're 18+ though, well that's still pretty good. I've gotten the "Oh, are you old enough to be working here?" "How old are you? ... You look so young!" and I've gotten second hand that I look 15. All in all, if you look male then that's the point!    As long as it's not a huge age difference for appearance.

As for the voice, that's great that you've gotten it at least a little low. If you've noticed Elijah around here, he has a youtube account and his voice was pretty feminine too. His voice is alot lower now and though he has issues passing with it still, I think it puts him considerably into the adrogynous/neutral area. So just keep at and what happens, happens. I know my voice is still a bit feminine sounding because that's just my range. When I talk, I talk at the lower end of my range. Like... teenage I-don't-care-about-anything range    So because I'm not trying to really extend it, I go up into feminine too.

It's all good. If you're passing, that's a good sign. Keep it up buddy. 

[notyouraverageguy]

Leo,
Im working on my figure(trying to lose fat &build my upper body) but I can't really help my voice and height.

Well Femboy, are you 18-? If so, then that's not too shabby  If you're 18+ though, well that's still pretty good.

Im 18+ so it sucks.

I don't think there's anyway I can get my voice into the androgynous level its wayy too high. That's why I sound like a kid, a boy at least. The youngest I've gotten has been 10, &its often
I thought my voice was pretty feminine, but if I pass as a boy before puberty then I guess that's a start.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

There's only so much you can do dude. There are alot of guys who have hips, alot of guys who have higher voices, and alot of guys who look feminine in alot of ways. And they're still men. Don't let it get you down too badly...this too shall pass, and T works wonders when you start it.

[notyouraverageguy]

Thanks man, ill try to work on my male confidence. Hopefully I can get it up enough to help.

[Squirrel698]

OT but Zombie I really like your look in your new avatar.  Just wanted to say

Okay on topic I've run into this situation recently.  I am completely stealth at this point with everyone new that I might meet.  Well there was a girl I meant recently that I asked out.  She was very surprised when I told her my age because of my lack of facial hair.  I really didn't have an answer for her.  Even if I claimed I shaved there would still be some evidence of hair on my face.  The thing is I do have facial hair but right now it's very light and it's more about feeling it then seeing it.  I think that might have confused her a bit which I feel bad about.  My solution to that situation was just to shrug it off.  I mean if there's no good answer to give then there is no point debating it.

I suck at lying and I didn't want to lie about my age which is the real problem.  I can pass for about 24 but when people hear that I'm actually 31 is when it gets dicey.  Best thing to do as far as I can tell is to solider on.  Let people think what they want and if they ask just answer honestly.  Worst thing you can do is lie and then get caught in that lie.

Good luck.  Transition sucks but it's not forever.   

[insideontheoutside]

This has always been kind of a gray area for me. Honestly I never even got into the dating scene. It scared the f**k out of me to be honest. I was so afraid that someone I went out with would find out and that they'd flip out over it. In college I met this one crazy art chick who was bi. She made it pretty clear she had the hots for me the longer we would just hang out. However, I've always been way shy in that department so it got to a point where she didn't think I liked her in that way because I wouldn't follow any of her passes. She'd asked if I was gay one night and then just came right out and said, "because any straight guy would have been f****** me by now". That totally made me feel like crap! So on the fly I had to come up with something and I didn't want to lie about it because I really did want to go further so I told her what my deal was and she was actually ok with it. To this day though I think she still treated it as more of a "novelty" if that makes sense. But hey, at least she was cool to hang out with and I was getting laid lol. We gradually drifted apart and she ended up leaving me for a lesbian. Oh well, such is life and I ended up with someone who honestly accepts me for who I am, so it's all good.

The thing with stealth dating is that so many people seem to just expect to go further. That's what always kind of put me off on dating. It was like if you were in that scene as a dude, the point was to get laid. I was never like that. I had to get to know anyone really well before taking it to a physical level. Even if I was attracted to them. If you just want someone to go to the movies or to dinner with and occasionally make out that seems so much rarer to me. People seem to be looking to hook up. Or there's females who seem to be looking for a long term mate. And most of the time that has to do with wanting to start having kids and all that. So if you're trans, that puts a real spin on everything and so many people out there may not be open-minded to that at all. It's like as if you went to the grocery store to buy your favorite cereal and you're totally stoked on it because you like the packaging and you know how good it's going to taste when you get it in your bowl but you open it up and find that instead of Lucky Charms, they put Special K in there. LOL

[notyouraverageguy]

So if you're trans, that puts a real spin on everything and so many people out there may not be open-minded to that at all. It's like as if you went to the grocery store to buy your favorite cereal and you're totally stoked on it because you like the packaging and you know how good it's going to taste when you get it in your bowl but you open it up and find that instead of Lucky Charms, they put Special K in there. LOL

Lol that's a good one. Pretty true I guess.
Idk I don't want to disclose it cause im the rare one that just wants someone to hang out with and kiss and stuff but not sex. Im not looking to hook up, mainly looking for friends and maybe someone to date. Nothing too serious atm. So that's why I wanted to know if its even possible to be stealth pre-t but passing for a little boy. I think a lot people just focus on sex &body parts.. But if they get to know you before they know what's in your pants or w/e then itd be shallow of them to turn you away after finding out your not biomale. Thas how I see it, and if they do then fine I don't need someone as ignorant and close minded as them. You know.

And squirrel,
I know its hard to explain trans related things without getting tangled up in a big web of lies. Im already caught in some, it sucks. I hate lying, but I don't want to be outted. If I didn't want to be stealth then itd probably all be way easier but im sorry to say that im not proud to show off being transgender.

[Alessandro]

I have an unusual take on this one. Dating/hookup websites actually helped me figure out I was trans. I was always honest on them after a failed straight relationship and started out saying I was a girl into male/male roleplay. Then the more people I met wanting to still see me as female, the more I shied away from that. Now I just say I am ftm. I am in a relationship anyway so not currently on these things. Sex wise, because I am a horny git it is always likely to be headed that way, so I just disclose in the profile to save any aggro. I am too female looking to do otherwise at the moment. But I reckon even on t I will disclose on hook-up sites. Just saves the fuss later.

[insideontheoutside]

Lol that's a good one. Pretty true I guess.
Idk I don't want to disclose it cause im the rare one that just wants someone to hang out with and kiss and stuff but not sex. Im not looking to hook up, mainly looking for friends and maybe someone to date. Nothing too serious atm. So that's why I wanted to know if its even possible to be stealth pre-t but passing for a little boy. I think a lot people just focus on sex &body parts.. But if they get to know you before they know what's in your pants or w/e then itd be shallow of them to turn you away after finding out your not biomale. Thas how I see it, and if they do then fine I don't need someone as ignorant and close minded as them. You know.

Yeah, I think we're actually rare. I mean, I like sex just as much as the next person but I really enjoy just hanging out and being close in other ways too.

Are you looking for women or men too? If you're looking for women and you post a pic up with your actual age, but you look really young, watch out for the cougars! haha

[notyouraverageguy]

Are you looking for women or men too? If you're looking for women and you post a pic up with your actual age, but you look really young, watch out for the cougars! haha

Both, im pansexual.
Hahahahahaha, I wouldn't mind a cougar woooooh! Lol

But im on more of a friend site than a dating one, I was just asking cause a lot of guys that see my profile end up wanting to hang out..and im iffy on it cause I know they won't believe my real age.

[insideontheoutside]

Both, im pansexual.
Hahahahahaha, I wouldn't mind a cougar woooooh! Lol

But im on more of a friend site than a dating one, I was just asking cause a lot of guys that see my profile end up wanting to hang out..and im iffy on it cause I know they won't believe my real age.

I totally get hit on by cougars out and about lol

I think on some of those online sites you can totally just put that you're looking to hang out first.