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Is it normal for a mtf to think she needs FFS when she really doesn't?

Started by Arielle, September 19, 2010, 02:18:29 PM

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Arielle

Has anyone had that feeling? and is it the estrogen acting up??  :-\
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Rock_chick

Yes, because despite being told on numerous occasions that I am pretty...there are days when i look in the mirror and all i see are flaws and I want to change them, and then I realise that i'm being over harsh and manage to shake myself out of it.
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Nero

It's normal for any woman to think she needs work when she doesn't.
Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.
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Cruelladeville

And it's normal for any man to think his d#ck, car, girl or pay-check could be bigger, better, sexier and sassier....
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Ayaname

Quote from: Ariix on September 19, 2010, 02:18:29 PM
Has anyone had that feeling? and is it the estrogen acting up??  :-\

It's pretty normal. I feel the same way pretty constantly. If it helps any I think you're more female looking than most genetic females. I'd trade faces with you any day of the week.
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lisagurl

Quote from: Ariix on September 19, 2010, 02:18:29 PM
Has anyone had that feeling? and is it the estrogen acting up??  :-\

Estrogen does not change bone structure. As you age identifying male markers will get more pronounced.
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MillieB

Before hrt I really didn't care how I looked and didn't really connect that what I saw in the mirror was me. Since starting transition and hrt I am now full of insecurities about my looks and could quite happily run into a plastic surgeons office screaming 'Change everything!!'. However, talk honestly with almost any woman (especialy my age) and they will say the same.

Ariix and Ayaname, you are both stunning and I honestly can't see what either of you would want to change (unless you have webbed feet or something >:-))
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K8

I went to a plastic surgeon for a consult.  She asked what I wanted to talk to her about.  I said: "My nose."  She said: "Why?"

So I didn't get my nose done. :)

- Kate
Life is a pilgrimage.
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Muffin

Quote from: MillieB on September 19, 2010, 07:15:21 PM
Before hrt I really didn't care how I looked and didn't really connect that what I saw in the mirror was me. Since starting transition and hrt I am now full of insecurities about my looks and could quite happily run into a plastic surgeons office screaming 'Change everything!!'. However, talk honestly with almost any woman (especially my age) and they will say the same.

Ariix and Ayaname, you are both stunning and I honestly can't see what either of you would want to change (unless you have webbed feet or something >:-))

^^^^^^that.

and a little bit of this >>>>> My dad asked me if I think I'm insecure the other week and it's been playing on my mind ever since.. all I could say at the time was "good question". I hadn't noticed it creeping up on me but yeah I look in the mirror and think "yeah change that... that...and that.... oh that definitely....and .....that. done... oh wait that as well". Yet I got my FFS analysis back the other week and I was surprised how little they suggested 0_o
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: Ayaname on September 19, 2010, 03:51:59 PM
It's pretty normal. I feel the same way pretty constantly. If it helps any I think you're more female looking than most genetic females. I'd trade faces with you any day of the week.

I think you're super pretty though! I love your face shape! and idk I love your nose too! You are both so pretty! I'm so jealous!

Arch

I know a gal here in town who wants FFS before anything. We all think she's super-attractive.

One day I asked her about it, and she started "dismantling" her face and showing me what she wanted to have done. When she called attention to specific features, I could see that they could be considered masculine. But even after that, I think she looks beautiful.

I was inclined to think that some trans women are more sensitive to their appearance than everybody else is. But then, this is true of non-trans women, too, as someone pointed out in this thread. So I guess you're just like other (American) women, regardless of background. (At least, I assume that you're American, since you say you're in NY).

If that's you in your avatar pic, you look pretty darned good to me.
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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Shynoir

I would think its pretty normal. I'm not yet into therapy, HRT, or even FFS. I do look pretty good, but feel like I'm not exactly what I want to look like. I don't even have that much of a bossing, but the only way I'll be satisfied is if I get FSS to do something. I think it is kind of a psychological confirmation that "I did everything possible" or something like that. This, even if there was nothing wrong in the first place. :)
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Ayaname

Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 20, 2010, 12:31:21 AM
I think you're super pretty though! I love your face shape! and idk I love your nose too! You are both so pretty! I'm so jealous!

Thank you:3 However, my hands are in the way of my awful jaw line and from the side my nose sort of owns my face:(
I have gotten some compliments on it IRL though which always surprises me since my nose is basically shaped like this:
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  \
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But anyway, I'm sure I'm just as guilty of unwarranted jealousy as about 90% of the perfectly feminine looking girls on this site. Dysphoria can be a bitch sometimes. I'm sure if I looked exactly as I do now but was born as a genetic female I'd be less inclined to think of my features as masculine.
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: Ayaname on September 20, 2010, 01:26:31 AM
Thank you:3 However, my hands are in the way of my awful jaw line and from the side my nose sort of owns my face:(
I have gotten some compliments on it IRL though which always surprises me since my nose is basically shaped like this:
\
|
  \
----

But anyway, I'm sure I'm just as guilty of unwarranted jealousy as about 90% of the perfectly feminine looking girls on this site. Dysphoria can be a bitch sometimes. I'm sure if I looked exactly as I do now but was born as a genetic female I'd be less inclined to think of my features as masculine.

I do think it's because we are trans. Look at Angelina Jolie, she has many masculine features but I think she's one of the sexiest women ever. Women with big jaws are gorgeous to me, my bestie is in LOVE with girls with big jaws haha. But pretty or not, I think you are, you still look all girl. If I saw you, doesn't matter how big your jaw is, I'd never think you were trans.

kelly_aus

I'd say it's abnormal.. In much the same way that cisfemales often get unneeded surgery. I'd say it's mostly because they look in the mirror and can see the "old" them, regardless of any changes that may have occurred..


Quote from: fluffles on September 20, 2010, 01:19:26 AM
I would think its pretty normal. I'm not yet into therapy, HRT, or even FFS. I do look pretty good, but feel like I'm not exactly what I want to look like. I don't even have that much of a bossing, but the only way I'll be satisfied is if I get FSS to do something. I think it is kind of a psychological confirmation that "I did everything possible" or something like that. This, even if there was nothing wrong in the first place. :)

So you are willing to run the risk of infection, complications with anaesthesia, sub-par results and all the other risks of surgery for no real reason? Your nuts..
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pebbles

Quote from: Ayaname on September 20, 2010, 01:26:31 AMI have gotten some compliments on it IRL though which always surprises me since my nose is basically shaped like this:
\
|
  \
----

But anyway, I'm sure I'm just as guilty of unwarranted jealousy as about 90% of the perfectly feminine looking girls on this site. Dysphoria can be a bitch sometimes. I'm sure if I looked exactly as I do now but was born as a genetic female I'd be less inclined to think of my features as masculine.
Hehe my nose is exactly the same my nose is also REALLY big I don't know if I would change it tho :/ I'm however more upset about my forehead and tall chin and I would fix those :( sadly FFS is well beyond my price range.
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rejennyrated

Would I like to have, say, Keira Knightley's looks? You bet I would. Would I ever do it though? No way.

For a start I wouldn't be me if I did. My face may not be an oil painting, but it has gotten me through life without any adverse comments and in all that time I've kind of gotten used to it. I can see some masculine features in there, I can also see some feminine ones too. It's a mish-mash - but then I look around me at the women I see in the street and I realise that I am a lot better off than many of them.

You want to see high and ridged foreheads? Then look HONESTLY down your local high street at the women, and this time don't cheat by only looking at the pretty ones. If you look at ALL of them you will see some right old neanderthal skulls, and they are cis women.

Jaws? Again look honestly. Many women have jaws like prize fighters. Same goes for noses, and indeed any other physical attribute that you may single out, big frame, small hips, excessive height, big feet, adams apple, there are cis women out there with all of them, and when you actually force yourself to notice them in surprising numbers too.

So the real question is WHY? Why do you want to do this? Is it because you think that you don't "pass" (I hate that word) and you believe that if you fix the flaws that you see that you will? If so THINK AGAIN. I have seen many many transwomen go though years of endless surgeries and they STILL don't "pass" at all. They look like bloody film stars and yet they get read in seconds - yet the woman down Fore Street with the neanderthal skull, big nose and square jaw doesn't. Ergo "passing" actually has very little to do with how we look, beyond a certain point.

If you genuinely want to change your face because YOU don't like the way you look then fine. Like SRS you must do it for you and you alone, but don't do it with any illusion that it will change the way anyone else will look at you because I can assure you, based on many many observations, that it almost certainly won't.

It's perfectly normal to hate the imperfections that you see in yourself. The important thing is not to go of chasing rainbows. Surgery can do wonders, but perfection isn't on offer yet, and if you do go down that road it is very easy to become an operations junkie. The sort who is forever going off having a little nip here and a little tuck there. That is both costly and ultimately futile. Such people also often end up being cruelly laughed at behind their backs for their obvious obsession.

Finally if you want romance in your life you will almost certainly find that easier if you can learn to compromise both with yourself and with others than you will by shooting for perfection. One of the things that Alison and I both respected in each other when we met is that we were both firmly of the opinion that the SRS was the only operation that we were going to have. We both knew we had faults, but we decided to live with them in the interests of stability. We have both bent that resolve slightly, Alison by having a BA and I by having a stage 2 to my SRS, although that was partly for medical reasons, but the principle stands. Learning to compromise and accept our respective flaws has kept us together for 22 years.

So my two cents worth. Yes it is perfectly normal to have insecurities about how you look, but no it is generally not a good idea to go chasing those dreams unless you have very deep pockets and are prepared for a lot of disappointment.

Like I say, it is just my opinion - and before anyone jumps on me, yes I know there are people who can and do benefit, but I sincerely think that they are actually in the minority.
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lilacwoman

I'm 12 days away from a nose job.  I'll provide before and after pix and feelings.
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kyril

I'd just like to say that it's normal for women, in modern Western culture, to believe they need plastic surgery when they don't. Being trans may give you a particularly unique and insidious way of seeing and categorizing your "flaws," and a more acceptable rationale for having them surgically corrected, but the beauty ideal and the promise of surgical quick-fixes affect all women, cis and trans. You'd be hard-pressed to find a woman who's never considered plastic surgery.

But "normal" doesn't mean "healthy."

(It is of course perfectly reasonable and healthy to want surgeries and medical procedures to make your body congruent with your brain's body map. And it's reasonable and healthy to want whatever procedures might be needed to make it so that your true self is recognizable to others - which for some women might mean FFS. Pursuing the unattainable feminine beauty ideal through surgery, though, can be really unhealthy. Only you know where the line is between necessary reconstructive surgeries and unhealthy pursuit of the unattainable feminine beauty ideal.)


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