Voice changes when wanting to pursue music

[CurrentlySunny]

Alright so I'd like to call myself a singer/songwriter. I've always been ok at guitar and singing but what I enjoy the most is writing. I have more than a couple hand fulls of original songs and for awhile I was playing out at small venues and cafe-like settings. You know, kind of small and intimate settings with mainly family and friends coming out to support. But ever since I've connected the dots with being trans I've put my music on hold. Not the writing part (trust me I have PLENTY to write about right now) but playing out can sometimes feel very awkward for me. Just because I don't have a band and I have to use my birth name to advertise and to introduce myself as.

And also ever since I figured out I was trans I've been very uncomfortable with my voice. I mean I definitely don't have a definitive female sound but it just doesn't quite fit anymore... I dunno. I still personally like it for what it is but I just don't want people to come to my show, take one look at me and judge me, you know? I just wish people could hear the music but I feel like most random people that would walk in would be too consumed with thinking "what is this chicks deal?' or 'is she a lesbian or what?' and laughing to themselves. I don't know, that's probably a horribly stupid, self-conscious teenager thing to assume about people but it's still what I worry about...

I dunno, a lot of people are pushing me to get back into playing out and it's just hard for me right now, you know? I just wanted to see if any of you guys would have any advise? I don't know whether or not I can physically or financially handle getting T right now but know that if its possible, I will start T as soon as I can and I really don't wanna start something with music where I'm gonna have to change my name or sound or whatever halfway through... I mean I'd rather not have to explain myself to people in that kind of situation. I don't know if that makes any sense but I'd love to hear what you guys have to think. I just need some perspective from outside my own head xP

[Aegir]

I've got a transwoman friend with similar concerns; as far as I can tell she's going to keep doing male vocals for the foreseeable future.
My advice is to worry less what people think about you and just go for it. If you're successful you're successful, and if you start t you start t. Don't let being pre-t or pre-op stop you from living your life. Personally, I don't think that the change would ruin your sound; and with luck you'll sound *right* after it.

[CurrentlySunny]

I'm a little confused by your description but it sounds like the problem is that you're not out to your friends and family, who are your main audience? It's kind of up to you how you want to handle that. I understand feeling awkward having to present as your old name in front of an audience. If it's too much, put on the breaks for now, and just keep on practicing. But realize that you will have to come out those friends and family when you start T, or the questions will really come rolling in. Another option would be to adopt a stage pseudonym.

Continuing to sing on T isn't always a cakewalk. Some people are like me and get lucky, and just have a smooth slide down in pitch, but others deal with a lot of voice cracking. And for everyone experiencing the voice change, it's confusing because the instrument that you have developed a physical handle on has suddenly changed, and you need to re-learn how to "play" it.

On the other hand, that moment when you discover your rich, masculine, lowest notes are finally developing is just beautiful.

When you do start T, it's best to continue to gently practice. Not practicing during the change will mean that you will totally lose all handle of your voice, but during the transitional period you shouldn't expect to have the vocal stamina that you have now, and you should be very careful in your higher range--if it begins to hurt, do not press on; go lower. Eventually your voice will become relatively settled, though as you probably know, everyone's voices continue to change for their whole lives. Once you have been on T long enough, you can begin seriously working on your high notes again.

Yeah, I've come out to pretty much all of my family but my friends is a little more of a sketchy subject. Obviously I've told my good friends but a lot of people that do enjoy my music are people I don't necessarily want to explain that part of my life to (old church friends etc etc) It'd just be difficult going from 'Clare' to like 'David' or something without having to answer a lot of questions to people I don't see unless they come to listen to my music and don't necessarily feel I need to answer to.

It'd be different if I was in a different town where I didn't have to see the people I grew up with. I mean it's one thing to change your name and it's a whole different ball game to advertise it so you can play music. I'm not so much worried about my sound because I'm willing to work on it if it doesn't change like yours did and go smoothly but it's just the whole people thing I'm not ready for, especially when I don't know if I can even start T at all let alone in the near future. It's just a lot to deal with and I think I'm gonna take your advice and just put the breaks on for now. I'll keep writing and when the time comes that I'm ready to play out I will. I know I just gotta relax a little bit on this kind of stuff. Thank you for your advice :]

[Kareil]

Take a stage name that's not a male or female English name - you can name yourself like a band, even if it's just you, and then if that's *your* stage name that follows you, you don't need to have a set band that you play with and can change things up at will without the "uh oh, the band broke up" drama.  Take Five for Fighting, for example - that's actually not the name of a full band, just the one guy.  Find one you like and you're good to go indefinitely, provided you don't form a band with a steady group of people that dislike you just using the name you brought along.  But bands change names, too.

What if you've always had a horrible singing voice and been so self-conscious of it you try and avoid even singing "Happy Birthday" if there's less than two dozen other people singing along with you?  I can't seem to get the low notes or the high notes, though the low end of my range just before it dies seems best.  I know T isn't going to magically make someone that can't sing able to, but if you can get a referral to a speech therapist along with the T, might there be some benefit between the two?

[CurrentlySunny]

Take a stage name that's not a male or female English name - you can name yourself like a band, even if it's just you, and then if that's *your* stage name that follows you, you don't need to have a set band that you play with and can change things up at will without the "uh oh, the band broke up" drama.  Take Five for Fighting, for example - that's actually not the name of a full band, just the one guy.  Find one you like and you're good to go indefinitely, provided you don't form a band with a steady group of people that dislike you just using the name you brought along.  But bands change names, too.

Yeah I've definitely thought of getting a stage name or like a band name just for myself. I've been spitballing ideas for quite awhile and if the right name comes to me I might go in that direction.