My Prison

[iris1469]

Well, I usually NEVER show this pic to anyone. But for some weird reason I am going to share it with all of you. I played the "role" for 30 years...had everyone fooled. Noone saw through... Anyways, after I decided to be me the best I could, I have had MANY people who knew me before say, "OMG WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A GURL??? YOU WERE SUCH A HANDSOME MAN!!" Well let me just say, for the record, that it is not like I woke up one day and said, "hhmmm gee I want to be a gurl." recently one of my Chinese friends asked me if I still WANT to be a gurl.... I thought for a second about what to say to get him to understand,,,so I asked him, "So do you still want to be ASian?" he looked at me with confusion, and then I saw the light go on and I hopefully made him understand it is not a choice. The only choice we trans have is whether we are going to go on being someone we are not, living in that prison...or do what we can to bring our body and mind to harmony.... You know, before I Came out, I had it all, with bigger and better things on the horizon. I have no family and every one of my friends (they were not really friends) walked away. I lost my condo, my job and then my truck...
I read once that success is not measured in what you achieve, but what you overcome

Thats all

[Izumi]

Well, I usually NEVER show this pic to anyone. But for some weird reason I am going to share it with all of you. I played the "role" for 30 years...had everyone fooled. Noone saw through... Anyways, after I decided to be me the best I could, I have had MANY people who knew me before say, "OMG WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A GURL??? YOU WERE SUCH A HANDSOME MAN!!" Well let me just say, for the record, that it is not like I woke up one day and said, "hhmmm gee I want to be a gurl." recently one of my Chinese friends asked me if I still WANT to be a gurl.... I thought for a second about what to say to get him to understand,,,so I asked him, "So do you still want to be ASian?" he looked at me with confusion, and then I saw the light go on and I hopefully made him understand it is not a choice. The only choice we trans have is whether we are going to go on being someone we are not, living in that prison...or do what we can to bring our body and mind to harmony.... You know, before I Came out, I had it all, with bigger and better things on the horizon. I have no family and every one of my friends (they were not really friends) walked away. I lost my condo, my job and then my truck...
I read once that success is not measured in what you achieve, but what you overcome

Thats all

Well you know what they say about cute guys... they make cute girls ^_^b.

Also its true what you say, someone that transitions has to be willing to lose it ALL.  Job, family, friends, and even your life in some cases.  Its the hardest thing you will EVER do, but the good part is, when its all over, you come out stronger, and everything else seems very small in comparison.  Problems you thought were big before pale in comparison. 

Whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger right ^_^b.

[ggina]

although some people say it's best to start these kind of things when you're safe (I mean, having an existential and emotional backup to support you all through), I oppose. I think it's best to start when you've hit the bottom. It's weird, because I kind of waited for that to happen and this might've subconsciously influenced some of the decisions I've made. But I've just always had some hope in life that I might just get by without doing this. But then I reached that feared point I didn't want to reach and had to step on this road with nobody helping me, standing beside me and with almost no financial backings at all. So kinda know what you're talking.

btw, you were SUCH a handsome man! This pic reminds me of Billy Idol, hope you don't mind me saying. And yes, Izumi is right, one's gotta be handsome to have really good base material and you obviously have that. I don't so there's a bit of envy speaking here but never mind

g

[spacial]

I read once that success is not measured in what you achieve, but what you overcome

Thats all

I'm really impressed with that statement.

There is very little we can achieve without sacrifice. Your point that they weren't really firends anyway is so true,

Be strong iris. You're certainly no weakling.

[iris1469]

sorry i could not leave this pic on as my profile, drives me absolutely bonkers

[V M]

Very relatable analogy and story 

[Fencesitter]

Your pic looks gorgeous though it's not you as it's a guy we see there, not a girl. Don't be ashamed of it, though, it's your outward appearence at the moment, and you do the best of it that you can. Physically, I see a good potential on this pic for transition, might even turn out beautiful, but cannot judge for sure (lack other perspectives, voice etc.).

I'm very sorry for you having lost so much in your life. Hope things will get better soon for you.

[Sandy]

Iris:

The truth, they say, is in the telling.  And you do tell the truth.  Few will disagree about your feelings because we all have them.  And your response to your Asian friend was so brilliantly understated as to be almost Confucian!

So do you have any pictures of yourself as you truly are?  I'm sure we'd all love to see them!

-Sandy

[iris1469]

Your pic looks gorgeous though it's not you as it's a guy we see there, not a girl. Don't be ashamed of it, though, it's your outward appearence at the moment, and you do the best of it that you can. Physically, I see a good potential on this pic for transition, might even turn out beautiful, but cannot judge for sure (lack other perspectives, voice etc.).

I'm very sorry for you having lost so much in your life. Hope things will get better soon for you.

The pic to the left of this is my prison cell. And seeing as how i am talking about my prison, I thought that i would leave it up fer a while longer. You know, I find myself thinking at times that it would be a LOT easier for me if I were to try to go back to looking like that. Then I look down at myself and see my hormone boobies, my face has been lasered, I have permanant make-up; brows, liner and lips,,,,,,I just could not see myself being any good at it. Besides, I have a calling in life, a very important one, though I am not exactly sure what it is, I feel its energy and it will reveal its greatness when the time is right.....

By the way for you FTM's any way we can do a body swap?? Love all of you A LITTLE BIT MORE EACH DAY!!!

[Fencesitter]

Your prison cell is at the same time your raw material, so don't be too angry at it. And you seem to have had a lot of luck with it. Okay, permanent make-up is extreme... well I won't judge it, tattoos are great in general, just that permanent make-up does not offer you much opportunities if you want to change your own style ...  Just my personal opinion.

Calling in life, each of us has. I'm sure you will fulfill that role well.

MTF-FTM-Body swap? Would be great. 



Source: Mathew Nishii, Transe-Generation http://www.transe-generation.com/galleryImage.php?imageID=1224

[Sandy]

So do you have any pictures of yourself as you truly are?  I'm sure we'd all love to see them!

-Sandy

Much better!

-Sandy(that's the first time I ever quoted myself...)