i just began to notice that the fact that i am transsexual and the dysphoric feelings toward the male gender that come with it are kind of two different things. the dysphoria is the fear, anxiety, and great discomfort of having a male body, but the transsexualism is the state of being unhappy or unsatisfied with my gender, and wanting to become female which is the right gender for me. the dysphoria is known to come with being transsexual which makes me beyond just unhappy in a male body and escalates it to anxiety, depression, self hate. but the thing i'm trying to get at is, many transsexuals who are struggling with the dysphoria imagine things like hypermasculine males or very feminine females, and fear that they will turn out like them when they go through puberty. i know i have had those kinds of fears, but i started thinking that alot of it was my dysphoria above reality. if you look around at the average male, and the average female. i noticed that alot of them the masculinity or femeninity they have comes with how they choose to present themselves above their actual physical makeup, but at this stage. it doesn't matter how femenine of a male i could appear. back before i actually figured out who i was. when i was about 11/12, i had so many dysphoric feelings that i didn't know how to handle, it was really starting to eat me alive because i was afraid of going into puberty. i felt like i was on a time bomb, and that i had only a certain amount of time before i would completely lose who i was. that's what i noticed the dysphoria can do to you. i ended up becomeing very depressed at 13. i ended up withdrawing from people and feeling like a walking zombie everyday. i wanted to know if gender dysphoria is a mental health issue that is accompanied by gender identity disorder rather than legitimate fears because of the situation. it seems like transsexuals have the extreme discomfort of anything in their natal sex, but there's cisgendered males and cisgendered females who may have more of a preference i one way their body would look and be anxious about puberty as well. because everyone's different, and that's why what a male is and what a female is are so undefinable.
