So today was the big day for me and I must say it couldn't of gone better. - --Oh and just to ammend the topic, I never used the word "transexual" as I *personally* dont like its connotations as it gives the uneducated the belief it has something to do with sex rather than gender and so referred to my transexualism as ->-bleeped-<- which is also the term my therapist uses for her TS clients(maybe more an Australian thing to use the umbrella term to describe FT TS girls) - Oh ++ Plz dont derail the thread to debate that issue specifically hehe ^^
Anyways..
Background, im 25, living at home, live in a 'granny flat' next to the main house and came out as gay to both her & dad along with friends 2 years ago at 23.
I must say I tested the waters with many a provoking topic countless times before I gained confidence to broach the issue, I received good feedback and bad but the settling one was when I told them a friend of mine was kicked out of home at 16 for what her parents perceived as a 'lifestyle choice' (which is exactly what i said, i didnt mention which GLBT she speficically fell under) and they both shared their thoughts on how disgusting that is to abandon your child.
That gave me the confidence I needed and I talked about it to my therapist yesterday (trans specific psych) who gave me more tips on how to make it go easyer which im going to share with you along with the experience itself.
Mum never liked the fact I was gay and in fact told me today it made her angry but to know im trans is almost some what of a relief as to her it actually makes sense while she never could see me as a gay man but knew I liked guys (She honestly did not bridge the two concsiously to transgender though).
Ok so I literally wrote a script the night before of what I would say and memorized it, it went like this:
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(Previous day when i came back home from therapy) - "Hey Mum, I know you have been waiting to hear from me why i've been going to a psych each week and I feel like I can talk about it now so what time tomorrow would be good for you to have a chat?"
(I tried to be as CASUAL as possible, as this is obviously going to send any mothers radar blaring). She said she would be home in the arvo and she looks forward to hearing it as she knows im obviously struggling with something if i've been going for this long.)
This set her in a open and listening mood for when we began our discussion as she knew she was going to hear things that were hard for me to say and In a way I had given her the power by letting her arrange the time to suit her which makes her feel more comfortable.
(The Day I tell her)"Hey Mum, so lets talk about what i've been going through, your the only one I feel comfortable telling this to and its really hard for me."
(this was a line given to me by my Therapist and she recommend it for all coming outs as it really reinforces the personal connection between the person your saying this to and how much it hurts you and in a way reinforces its not a choice without even mentioning the issue. )"A few months ago I started to get really badly depressed and stopped being able to escape from the problem I've been struggling with my entire life and thats why I had to start therapy, I was in a really bad place and felt like I had no one to help me."
"The issue which im guessing you've now realised is that I've always known that I had "gender identity" issues and have now been diagnosed by two different government doctors as Transgendered which is a medical condition."
(At this point I asked her a question)"Gender Identity is very different to Sexual Identity, do you know the difference?"
(Which is a good question I think to propose to people when having this discussion, Mum luckily did know the difference and understood that a person can be born intersexed or transgendered which has nothing to do with whether their gay or straight. --- By the way, I would of bet my life saving she did not know this, apparently she's watched a few TV shows on it and went into a ramble about a TS success story she watched later after the convo). (Anyway after mum showed she understood I continued and while sympthathizing this so soooooo much info & a lot to deal with, I kept it as casual in tone of voice & mannerisms that I could...)"So basically what this means is my doctors are reccomending me that I transition if I want to live a happy life, as my past has shown escaping through using drugs & playing video games non-stop is not a life that ends any where good and I know you want me to be happy and have a relationship which is what I've always wanted"
(She agrees she only wants to see me happy and I thats where I finish the main part of the speech)So that was ///basically//// it, besides that there were tears on both sides throughout the speech, hugging each other and holding each others hands through it. She sympathizes so much for me and im trying my best to reassure her that Ill probably turn out pretty good at the other end of HRT(told her im 7 weeks in too). She was very open about her worries, she said she is worried about how she will tell her friends but agreed to take it one day at a time and to work through it together. On that note we havent told Dad but are going to work out a plan this week, she wants to tell him first and get him to come to me when he is ready to talk about it which is fine by me as she honestly knows him best and can help him cope which I can only imagine would be ridiculously tough for a father with a only son(or any father for that matter! - He's late 60's for reference)
Im not sure if my background in psychology helped much or it was just Mum's good attitude but yeah no being thrown out of home, not even the disdain I got for telling her I liked guys! Just a bit of fear for the future, a happiness to see me with clarity & life goals(which i've never had) Already talked about having to get me new clothes & asked when my plan is to go full time and agreed it would be good before uni in Febuary. A lot to process in a day so I think she is tops to say the least <3
Here's me being silly in the mirror on my last day hiding at home as a boy, now it wont be to long before my true self shines back
lastday by
o0Jasmine0o, on Flickr
