How are you so brave?

[Tammy Hope]

HEre is what i do....If I am at a gay club or establishment ill use the womens bathroom...however, if i am out in the general public, I will ALWAYS suck it up and use the mens,,,,,, why you ask. Because, I want to avoid having some parent see me come out of the womens and their maybe having a kid in the restroom,,,,awkward....besides i get a real kick out of the looks on mens faces when they see me at the urinal relieving myself!!!

Seriously?
I'm FAR more afraid to go into a men's room while presenting fem than i am of getting clocked in the ladies.

I wouldn't even consider it.

Now, if I'm not trying to present fem for some reason (usually because of conflict with the wife which is about the only reason i ever don't) then it's more iffy. here in this little town where a lot of people know me, I suck it up and use the guys when I'm not in full-fem (unless it's a one-seater where I can lock the door) but I had an experience in Memphis where i was bra-less and not really trying to be fem (long story) and i went into this building where an older gentleman security guard was sitting out front and i started for the men's (reluctantly) and he called out "Ma'am? the ladies is just down the hall."
I went to the ladies!

Besides, people arent stupid, I mean people in stores call me sir, refer to me as he, his him blah blah blah.......

Seriously?

You go out with those tits and get sired? Do you live in a town of morons?

[justmeinoz]

I saw a quote recently by English Drag Queen,  Lily Savage-"->-bleeped-<-s want to dress to get their rocks off, Drag Queens do it for a job, and Transsexuals just want to go and buy milk." So I decided to do just that.

So, today, after a couple of hours in the garden, I cleaned up, dressed casually, and put on light makeup and went to the supermarket.  Nobody stared, and if they suspected anything they didn't even bat an eyelid, let alone say anything.

I did avoid stopping for a coffee at the lake on the way home, but just because I saw someone I work with walking through the park and I am not out at work yet. Other than that it was a great big non-event.

     Sandra.

[iris1469]

You go out with those tits and get sired? Do you live in a town of morons?

All the time girl. That is why I want to get huge implants, maaybe then people will not sir me...BUT unless it is a gangbanger that sirs me if it is a woman that calls me sir, I call her sir,,,if it is a man that sirs me then I call him Mam

i know its petty but it makes me feel better

[Britney♥Bieber]

Well I have a thought process.
"Nobody wants you to succeeded in this if you stumble or fall nobody will come to help you up you are the first and last line, while your on your knees anyone who comes isn't a friend there a harrier who wants you as a male, unless this is where you wanna be, you've gotta stand walk to what you want on your own power nothing can help you. Yeah it hurts never said it was easy... it's like walking on two broken feet but it's the ->-bleeped-<-ty life GID has put before you.

But If sitting here pining away at how hard and unfair it all is makes you happy fine, But if doing this is what you want but your scared and you run then you can add this experience to your the mountain of self hate and pathetic failures of your 'might have been's.' and 'I wish I was'... Live or Die girl? Your choice."

It gets me crying then it usually gets me moving.

I'm sorry but I've read a few of your posts and you are so negative. I don't mean to attack you but you need to stop being so negative. Sure having gender identity issues makes life harder for us but being SO negative makes it even worse. I really hope for your sake that you can learn to be happy and positive, or at least not debbie downer. It's not healthy to think like that.

[erocse]

Just reading this post , gets my heart pounding.  Knowing someday I will take that step. It's great to hear all of your experiences Thanks !!

Erocse

[K8]

My first time out was to an LGBT event in a public place.  I was more terrified of getting into a crash on the way there and having to stand on the curb waiting for the gendarmes in my heels and skirt than I was to walk through the crowded hallways.  Still, when I got there I sat in the car for a while.  I knew that it was now or never, and 'never' was not an acceptable alternative.  I gathered what courage I could muster, said "show time!", and walked in.  It's only gotten easier.

I remembered something my daughter said.  When she was about 10 I complimented her on her confidence, how she presented herself to the world with assurance.  She said: "Can I tell you a secret?  I'm not really confident; I just pretend that I am."  I have a wise daughter.

What's the worst that can happen?  You can be laughed at.  You can be attacked.  Once I realized that continuing to live the lie of pretending to be a man was worse than those, I set out.  Go out with your head held high.  Being trans is nothing to be ashamed of.

I wasn't brave to begin with, but transition taught me courage.

And this:

So my advice is take some small baby steps and slowly deliberately PUSH the envelope.

Good luck.  You can do it.

- Kate

[Lacey Lynne]

@ SamanthaFLA:

Samantha, I feel exactly the same way you do!  You are not alone in being scared. 

I'm now 9+ months on hormone replacement therapy but only on full-tilt (High-dose estrogen and an up-titrated androgen blockade) for only 2-3 months.  Well, I still have not yet gone out in public en femme.  My trans-mentor is ooching me along to just get out there and do it. 

What's funny is that I've dressed androgenously for about 3 years now and did so even before starting hormone replacement therapy.  Truly, going out completely en femme will be less attention-getting than that. 

I'm planning to do up and take the plunge on Halloween Night ... just a few weeks away now.  My trans-mentor is encouraging me to go full-time starting then and there and never look back.  Yeah, I want to do that.  I really do. 

No, Samantha, you are not the only one who is scared.   We see the young t-girls on here upon whom hormone replacement therapy has worked magic in just a few short months, and we are glad for them but become woebegone in the meantime.     

Like the Nike slogan says:  "Just Do It!"   Yeah.  Let's.     

Lacey

[kelly_aus]

Hmm, can't call myself all that brave.. It's more sheer bloody mindedness. I am a woman and will present as such regardless of my physical state. I haven't started HRT yet and have always dressed fairly androgynously, but have been taking baby steps towards a change to a completely feminine appearance. Today I plan to go out with "breasts" and make up for the first time.. Am I scared? Oh yeah.. But I'm not gonna let that stop me..

[Lacey Lynne]

My first time out was to an LGBT event in a public place.  It's only gotten easier.

I remembered something my daughter said.  When she was about 10 I complimented her on her confidence, how she presented herself to the world with assurance.  She said: "Can I tell you a secret?  I'm not really confident; I just pretend that I am."  I have a wise daughter.

Once I realized that continuing to live the lie of pretending to be a man was worse than those, I set out.  Go out with your head held high.  Being trans is nothing to be ashamed of.

I wasn't brave to begin with, but transition taught me courage.

And this:
Good luck.  You can do it.

- Kate

Kate, this rocks my world.  I'm about to "take the plunge" on Halloween Night and cruise the mall.  You encourage me so much with your posts.  Thanks!   

[Lacey Lynne]

Well, just when I was about to go there a couple of cops showed up to have dinner there and my feet got locked to the ground. My best friend rolls her eyes and says, "Well, you better pick one because now you got those cops there." So finally, I picked up my feet and strolled in the women's restroom - and it was empty. YES!

Much later, I found out that there are laws regarding restroom use in California. As it turns out, provided that you're presenting as a girl, you can use the women's restroom. Now, this isn't the same for all states, so passing might become more of an issue than some, but again confidence is what will push you to do what you want to do in the end.

@ Lexine:

Lexine, you are SOOO brave!

God, that is my big, main, major fear ... the cops.   I can handle grins, snears, smirks, comments even threats, but NOT that.  Don't want that hassle.  No way.  This is what REALLY prevents me from going out in public en femme ... using women's restrooms ... the whole 9 yards.

I'm way north of you in Oregon.  I'm so new here (5 months in about a week) that I don't know the restroom laws or anything like that.  Anybody got any advice?   

If I didn't have to worry about the heavies, I'd have been en femme way before now.   Advice?  Thanks.

[Ayaname]

I'm still terrified in public most of the time. For me the only thing that really seems to help is to go out with a group of people. Ideally mostly people who are close to my height or taller since I'm pretty tall for a female (5'10").

[Lacey Lynne]

I'm still terrified in public most of the time. For me the only thing that really seems to help is to go out with a group of people. Ideally mostly people who are close to my height or taller since I'm pretty tall for a female (5'10").

@ Ayaname:

Go to a major mall near you, just buy a drink and snack that you like and casually stroll around and subtly observe the genetic girls in the mall, especially the ones under 30.  Why the ones under 30?  Because, the younger generation of girls has many girls that years ago would have been considered tall but are not by today's standards. 

Our mall has several 20-something and older-teen girls who work there who are at least 5'10" and are total babes.   Being 5'10" by today's standards is simply not an issue, really.  If going out with a group works for you, great!  Just do that.  When you feel ready to go out alone, you'll know it.  Go at your own pace.

This avatar picture, is this you?  If it is, you are VERY pretty, and that's no lie.  You look much cuter than many genetic girls.  You are blessed.   Good luck!   

[Ayaname]

Our mall has several 20-something and older-teen girls who work there who are at least 5'10" and are total babes.   Being 5'10" by today's standards is simply not an issue, really.  If going out with a group works for you, great!  Just do that.  When you feel ready to go out alone, you'll know it.  Go at your own pace.

The average height for females in my area is below average for the US, so I stand out a bit more. However, it is true that malls tend to hire taller females. Most of the employees where I buy my makeup are at least as tall as I am. But it's really the only place I've found where I don't tower over most other females.

This avatar picture, is this you?  If it is, you are VERY pretty, and that's no lie.  You look much cuter than many genetic girls.  You are blessed.   Good luck!   

Thank you very much! ^_^

[K8]

All the time girl. That is why I want to get huge implants, maaybe then people will not sir me.

Before investing in huge implants, SuperKitty, go to Victoria's Secret and buy a Miraculous Bra.  They claim it gives you two additional cup sizes.  The bra is expensive, but far less than a BA.  If you're still sirred, then implants aren't going to do the trick.  I don't know you or where you live or what kinds of situations you are in, but I'm wondering if you aren't focusing on the wrong thing here.  I really don't mean to offend - I'm just trying to be helpful.

- Kate

[Lexine]

Lexine, you are SOOO brave!

Thank you! I think I just got lucky that I live in a liberal area where a lot of people, for the most part, accept me. This, however, makes it nigh impossible to figure out whether I pass or not. I suppose there are trade offs to everything

God, that is my big, main, major fear ... the cops.   I can handle grins, snears, smirks, comments even threats, but NOT that.  Don't want that hassle.  No way.  This is what REALLY prevents me from going out in public en femme ... using women's restrooms ... the whole 9 yards.

As long as you're not committing a crime, the police really won't have anything on you... well, unless maybe if you did a fashion faux pas. If that's the case, the fashion police would be there asap xD

I'm way north of you in Oregon.  I'm so new here (5 months in about a week) that I don't know the restroom laws or anything like that.  Anybody got any advice?   

From what I've searched online, it seems that Oregon allows for the same restroom use laws as California so you should be fine.

[pebbles]

I'm sorry but I've read a few of your posts and you are so negative. I don't mean to attack you but you need to stop being so negative. Sure having gender identity issues makes life harder for us but being SO negative makes it even worse. I really hope for your sake that you can learn to be happy and positive, or at least not debbie downer. It's not healthy to think like that.

BUT FELINE AIDS IS A REAL PROBLEM FOR TRANS PEPOLE. *Wah wah*

What are you talking about it has a happy ending. I'm hard on myself because coddling me and easing the pain I feel where I am won't help me in the long run I need to be cruel to myself to move forward to a place where I don't need to be coddled. Suffering like this moves me forward a couple of steps and then I look in the mirror and I'm a couple of steps closer to my true self.

I will admit it I don't want to walk this path but I REALLY don't want to die either and yeah I'm resentful of that choice where I had to pick either option not under the best of terms. but never the less I choose to live And I've not died not yet. So my story isn't a tragedy It's just a "Earn your happy ending" or "Bittersweet ending" tale.

[Dana Lane]

When I first started my transition I was horrified at the thought of going full time for the exact reason you mentioned. But then I discovered I could no longer wait. I had to do it! March of this year I went full time and don't regret it one bit.  I am passing more often than I used to but I am under no delusion I totally pass as a female in my presentation. I found out it didn't matter as much as I had thought to me. I need to live my life! And that is exactly what I am doing!

[Ayaname]

BUT FELINE AIDS IS A REAL PROBLEM FOR TRANS PEPOLE. *Wah wah*

What are you talking about it has a happy ending. I'm hard on myself because coddling me and easing the pain I feel where I am won't help me in the long run I need to be cruel to myself to move forward to a place where I don't need to be coddled. Suffering like this moves me forward a couple of steps and then I look in the mirror and I'm a couple of steps closer to my true self.

I will admit it I don't want to walk this path but I REALLY don't want to die either and yeah I'm resentful of that choice where I had to pick either option not under the best of terms. but never the less I choose to live And I've not died not yet. So my story isn't a tragedy It's just a "Earn your happy ending" or "Bittersweet ending" tale.

I have a pretty dark and hopeless outlook on this world we live in, so I can understand the attitude and the ends it has in view, but it's still a potentially damaging way of thinking IMO. In my experience people who adopt a self punishing form of motivation tend to become very competitive and unhappy with themselves. You are solidifying a subconscious, higher ideal for yourself by always raising expectations through being hard on yourself. It becomes a habit with or without any subject matter. Later in life it can cause a false sense of pride over having overcome so much, yet all the hardship was only what you chose for yourself to endure. It also gives an unwarranted resentment for people who are easier on themselves even if they've actually lived harder lives. People who don't go out of their way to make their lives more difficult become a symbol of weakness in the eyes of someone who always punishes themselves. You become someone who always cuts others down because you feel more entitled to what you have while never quite being satisfied with who you are. Please don't become that person.

[iris1469]

Later in life it can cause a false sense of pride over having overcome so much, yet all the hardship was only what you chose for yourself to endure.

Actually I disagree,,,How can one have a false sense of pride having overcome obstacles? I am again reminded of a quote a friend of mine said to me once, "Success in life is not measured by what you achieve but by what you have overcome"

It also gives an unwarranted resentment for people who are easier on themselves even if they've actually lived harder lives. People who don't go out of their way to make their lives more difficult become a symbol of weakness in the eyes of someone who always punishes themselves.

I demand perfection in myself and all I do. I am very critical and hard on myself, always pushing myself to be a better person in all aspects of my life. And I dont resent others. I have my own backyaRD to be concerned with.

You become someone who always cuts others down because you feel more entitled to what you have while never quite being satisfied with who you are. Please don't become that person.

NO no no no, you dont know me. I am the one who is always trying to help others see a better path in their life, if there is one. I have helped crackheads get clean,,,,and my current bf is a genuine penitentiary MF....meaning that he has been in and out of prison his whole life,,,,his longest bid was 10 years in Nevada...anyways he was one of those that would be rel;eased from prison and would not report to his parole officer,,,well 3 weeks after he would get released, that PAL (parolee at large) warranrt would go out and sonce all the cops know him it wouldnt be  a week before he would be back,,on a violation...he NEVER once reported to his parole,,,until I come ionto the picture...I told him the last time he was in jail (over a year ago) that he WAS going to report when he got out, he said, "like hell" and so i told him then we go our seperate ways,,,he reported and has done everything his parole officer has asked of him.....He now walks around without all that paranoia...AND he gets off parole next month......he would never have done it without me helping to motivate him.......I dont get jealous of what others have but instead get my own,,,,,it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round... the ONLY two things I hate are as follows:

1. People who are prejudice and let it show
2. Ignorance 

[K8]

I dunno.  Maybe it's an age thing, but I've learned to give myself some slack.  I work at becoming a better person, but I know that I'll never be perfect.  (No one is. )  If I screw up, I shrug and try to do better the next time.

The world does a lot to drive me crazy.  I don't want to do it to myself, too.

- Kate