Is there a way...

[rite_of_inversion]

To help my wife accept herself?

She's way post-op, but she has moderate problems passing...and it bother her an awful lot when she's mistaken for a man... She quit her last job because she kept getting mistaken for a man and eventually cursed out a customer over it.

Since she's out of work and I don't make that much ATM, we can't afford therapy, but I'm planning on working on getting a better job to help pay for therapy(at the moment, my car is going haywire all over the place, so the car has to take precedence-no public transit where we live), and she will be getting a job again.  I want to find a way to make it clear that therapy for this is currently postponed because of logistics, but not negotiable once we have the money.
I want her to stop being tortured about this.   I want her to like herself-she's really an awesome woman. (Although why she puts up with me and my mental-health issues, to which I've now added being androgyne, sometimes I wonder...)

I should mention we've been together eight years, married in a quasi-legal way for ?um? three...and she had her GRS five years before that.

[spacial]

Ultimately, it's down to her attitude.

All women need to deal with issues about their physical appearance. They just need to get on with it.

It's shallow and probably pointless to suggest she concentrate upon her appearence. The problems she is having are not likely to be down to that. Customers can be very curel as many who work in retail will say.

If you don't mind I recall a woman I knew many years ago, who became obscessed with farting. She was convinced that she was continually emitting smelly gas. Apparently some local kids had picked up on this and would make farting noises when they saw her. Sadly, everyone's farts stink and sometimes we drop one.

You and I know that any apparently male features on your wife are just a coincidence. But she has allowed things to become a serious pre-occupation.

There isn't an easy solution. Drug therapy might bring some relief but won't deal with the problems and will therefore create an addiction.

You wife is going to have to find a way to get it into her head that, when people say these types of things they do so to wind her up. If she will, it will be great if she can join Susans'. Some people don't take to computers of course. But if she doesn't mind occasionally tapping a keyboard I know there are many here who can give her the meaninful support she needs.

One more point. I don't know if you are in any way blaming yourself. But if you are stop that now. You and your wife are a unit, of course. But you are still individuals. Individuals within a unit. The differences are what bring you together.

[kisschittybangbang]

I'm agreeing with spacial...but overall, she also has to WANT to come to terms with it. With money being an issue, things may not get better for a good long time... Both of you need to be understanding and work through it.

As for her not feeling like a woman, That's her own journey. it takes a while to get to where you want to be. Let her figure it out and get comfortable on her own. You can't do ANYTHING really other than be there to let her bang on your chest when she's frustrated to the point of tears (not spousal abuse mind you) Hug her when the tears come out, make her feel sexy when you think shes sexy, and listen to her. Anything else really won't do much.

[Janet_Girl]

There was a time that I hit really hard about the being seen as a woman and so much as a male.  I was at a very low point, facing the end of my time on earth.

I was in tears and screaming about how I would never been seen as a woman.  I looked in the mirror and was about to shallow some pills I had to end it, when this thought crossed my mind.

What if you were born female and still faced everything you find fault with.  What would you do then?

I thought about that for a moment and realized it all came down to an 'attitude'.  Not one of those "kiss my grits' attitude, but I am 'truly a woman' regardless of what you think.  So I picked myself up, put away the pills and began to live as a woman with certain family traits that cursed the woman in my family.  Suddenly people no longer looked at me strange and I never got those 'thank you sir.. ah.. Ma am comments again.

Rite.  Your beautiful wife seems to concentrate on what others think of her.  And who really gives a rip.  She does not need them to be happy.  She has you and her health.  She just needs to hold her head high and bold go forth as the woman she has become.