She was raped by two men.

[lilacwoman]

A MtF I have in contact with as we both progress through our RLEs towards surgery has been absent from the internet for a few weeks until last night. 
She told me that in midsummer she was taking the shortcut home across the park and was grabbed by two men who dragged her into the bushes, beat hear and raped her anally - she thinks they had been watching her and were aware she was TS - but anyway she was found and taken to hospital and treated very nicely by them and the police.  Luckily no bones were broken so she was able to go live with friend's family who have now unofficially adopted her as her own family disowned her after she came out 2 years ago.  Her family was told of rape but only father came for a brief visit and no contact with rest of them since.
She decided a job change would be good and managed to get a better one where she is accepted as a valuable member of the team.
She says she feels unclean and showers a minimum 3 times a day, sleeps badly and is scared of going out by herself, and has to have counselling 3 times  a week.
She is planning srs middle of next year.
She lives in one of the former communist countries which is quite backward due to the poverty years of the Soviet Union.
She now carries a 9mm pistol.

[marleen]

That is so totally horrible. Wish her lots of strength in dealing with this...

[Janet_Girl]

She was doing nothing more than going home.  Even if she saw them I doubt that she would have gotten away.  With two of them, they probably blitz her.

I don't get with a gun, if fact I hate them, but that is her call.  And she does feel safer with it.  I hope the police find these creeps and throw them in a dark hole.

It just show we, all, have to be aware of our surroundings.  I hope she has gotten therapy.

[cynthialee]

I have been raped and it takes sometimes years to heal ones soul.
Your friends situation is horible I wish her the best possible outcome.

What I want to say I feel is going to come off wrong but I think its important so I will risk it....

I think that many MTF do not realise that once they start transition and espcialy once we start HRT we are vulnerable to sexual predators. We lose strength when we take the T away and our center of gravity is shifting.
(i have alot more I wanted to say but Sevan wants the computer and I had to abridge my point.)

[Octavianus]

It is horrible messages like these that make me despise my own gender. What is going on in their minds, how can one possible even consider such a low action?

[Britney_413]

Sorry to hear about that. It is sad there are so many sick people out there. I am glad she is now taking measures to protect herself but I do recommend doing so responsibly. I also carry a 9 mm but I train with it at least once every month, have taken a class to understand the laws, and have passed state police qualifications. Nobody is invincible, however, and these things can happen to any of us. It is important to be very aware of our surroundings at all times to at least minimize the chances of these situations happening. It also doesn't hurt to double check who you are around in your day to day life. Criminal attacks often are done by people you know and are even close to. The person hiding in the bushes may well be the hostile co-worker you've been dealing with for months. I personally believe that the only sensible response to rapists is to kill them. No trial, no tax dollars spent on their prison care, and they won't be raping anyone else ever again.

[Aidan_]

I hate to be rude but one should be prepared for the worst at all times. If more people were engaged in self-defense techniques (Martial arts, weaponry), we'd see less and less people get hurt. I'm not saying it's her fault, not at all! Those bastards deserve to be hung, but I wish she could have defeated them in their own game...had she been prepared.

Hopefully now that she IS prepared (I think so anyway seeing as she is packing heat), this will not happen in the future. I encourage all others to stay vigilant and stay strong.

[Britney_413]

Sad to say that time and time again I do see trans people I know literally throwing common sense safety out the window. At bars they are jumping in cars with anyone. They are walking down dark city streets at 3 am unarmed and intoxicated. They create unnecessary scenes in public places not known to be the safest (i.e. convenience stores at night) over the mere fact that someone clocked them and said something. I've seen them try to start fights where not needed and against people who could possibly kill them. I try to educate these people to use some common sense but most of it goes in one ear and out the other. I can hope that at least with me utilizing some basic self defense tactics and if even one other girl out there takes some of my advice then if someone tries to attack either of us (or both) then I've just made some real progress by possibly saving lives. I remember one time I was driving at night after bar closing in a bad neighborhood and a TS woman was in the car with me. She suddenly decided to roll down the window and start yelling at men on the street and in other cars asking them if they like transsexuals. I rolled up the window with the override swtich, locked it so she couldn't do that again, and completely told her what an idiotic thing that was that could get us both killed and that if she did it again she will not be seen in public anywhere with me again.

Part of this seems to be a mental illusion on their part. I haven't started hormones yet so I don't know how they will affect me but I have gotten the impression that some of these 20-something girls I know are basically re-living their teen years but now as girls since they lost that opportunity back when they had not yet transitioned. They have the youthful playfulness and adventure in their minds but are applying it in the wrong context. What works for a 14 year old girl in high school does not work for a 28 year old barely passable TS woman on the streets. They think they are the prettiest thing on earth and that the world accepts them. They think that because they used to walk down the same street or do the same stupid things as an intimidating man that they can now do the same thing as a woman. Time for a reality check.

I'm simply providing these experiences I've had with friends and acquaintances I know as a warning to others to take this stuff seriously. One person on this discussion board recently posted a message about a man who walked right on into her unlocked apartment door and tried to beat and rape her. I lock my door the instant I get inside, I check specific areas of my apartment to make sure no one is in there (this only takes a few seconds), I set an intrusion alarm I created myself, and I have guns, ammo, and other tools in tactical areas ready to go if need be. Maybe it sounds extreme but transgendered people are murdered at an alarming rate. When you look at how statistically rare we are in society and then how many hate crime murders there are against us, add two and two together and realize that self-defense tactics are a necessity and not something on a "to do" list. I doubt that the hundreds of other girls who were strangled, stabbed, or otherwise tortured to death right in their own homes or out on the streets in just the past 5-10 years ever thought it would happen to them. I don't take this stuff lightly and neither should you. I'd rather the media paint me as some gun nut after I've blown away an intruder with a 12 gauge and live to tell the tale than have my picture on a poster at the next Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Some will say we shouldn't have to live "paranoid." Well there are the way things should be and then there's the way things actually are. Welcome to the real world which is not all roses and honey. No matter who you are there will be people who love you, people who like you, people who don't care, people who don't like you, and those who hate you. Pay attention to who you are around. Have a nice day.

[V M]

We can all talk about what we would do or would have done in another person's situation... But if you've ever been caught off guard by an attack you will have to deal with the event and the outcome

I feel very lucky... The guy that walked right into my apt. (because I neglected to lock the door) and attempted to rape me but gave up after realizing I was a pre-op trans woman got angry and cursed me out... I am lucky because he didn't continue to rape, beat or kill me in his rage

If this can happen in a fairly "safe" area such as where I live, it can happen anywhere... Even after an attempted rape I still check the door and window and react to almost any odd sound

I also have trouble sleeping

It is hard to imagine getting dragged into the bushes... My heart goes out to this gal

{{{HUGS}}}

[kyril]

I think blaming the victims is totally inappropriate, especially in a thread like this. There's sometimes a very fine line between giving sensible advice and victim-blaming, but after an attack has already happened, what might in other circumstances be sensible advice quickly becomes victim-blaming.

lilac, my condolences to your friend - that's awful. It is possible to recover and heal from an experience like that, but it takes time and a lot of support, love, and hard work. I hope you and whatever other support system she's built online can be there for her to help her get through this time.

[rejennyrated]

Thank you Kyril, I would just like to point out that you can be as cautious and sensible as you like and still end up unlucky. I have never been foolish or lacking in caution. Because I grew up almost as a girl and in pretty well 100% female friendships I got all the lectures about safety from my parents. They used to insist that I was never out alone after dark - always with at least one of my girlfriends.

It is a fact (at least in the UK) that the vast majority of rapes are not a stranger jumping one in the street - they are someone you know who manipulates a situation to take advantage if you.

You may say that this type of rape is less traumatic. As someone who has suffered it twice (once pre-op and once post-op) I beg to differ. Whilst there may not be the fear that an unknown person will kill you, there is a deeper hurt from the feeling of betrayal by someone you thought you could trust. It also becomes more complicated to untangle ones own feelings. I never reported because I felt ashamed, I felt I would not be believed, I felt my friends and family would take sides (some of them against me - because the logic ran, oh you had a sex change - so you must have been gagging for it anyway.)

Indeed I even told myself that I was to blame! In the first instance because I had successfully fought to be allowed to wear some female clothing at school and express my nature and this is what had attracted the boys and made them think "it was OK to use" me. (Their own words afterwards when they kind of apologised as that would make it all ok!) On the second occasion all I did wrong was to allow my friends to get me tiddly on my birthday. I was, so I thought, in a safe place, not in public. A friend "volunteered" to stay and take care of me afterwards...

So be aware that being safe goes much deeper than simply being careful late at night in deserted streets, or around strangers. It can happen anywhere and at any time. I've been chased through Gunnersbury Park in broad daylight before WITH people around, and once when we were walking, again in broad daylight, Alison and I were openly flashed by a man.

So I am not saying that you don't have to be careful, but I am saying that you do have to be careful in giving that advice that you don't inadvertently and up effectively pandering to those who want rape to be the victims fault.

Yes common sense should apply, but those who say that the victim was "asking for it" in some way or other have clearly not understood that this is a situation of compulsion, the fear, the shame, trauma that goes with it are very real and must be lived with forever.

Please don't tell me that if I had been more careful my assaults would not have happened, because I know now that it simply isn't so. I did everything right, and I still got unlucky - and that is the truth! So don't think that it can't happen to you... that you are safe, and that every victim was simply foolish, because some of us weren't, and because if you are attractive in the slightest way I am here to tell you that IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!

(oh and one of the two boys who raped me at school - later went down for the same offense and did time!)

[Cindy]

Dear lilacwoman,
Please my sympathy to your friend and to you. As Jenny mentioned some of us have suffered from these things. It is never the victims fault. In Australia recently there have been a spate of (stupid) women getting drunk with football players going back to their (males) place and having sex against their will. OK stupid women. BUT. They never gave their consent. To make it interesting one leading player stated that if you hook up with a football player and go home with him sexual intercourse is a gimme (not the exact words BTW ). But the intent was. I think some guys think, OK she's passed out I'll have a quicky in her vagina, she'll never know and I'm needing to cum. Besides bought her a few drinks and she did come home with me so she is desperate for me.

In your case your innocent friend was kidnapped and raped by foul things. Please look after her, monitor her  for depression and alcohol abuse. Also, and this may be the challenging thing, make her go out. If she retreats to a shell the things have won. As Jenny said some of us have been there and it is a pit of Hell to climb out of. For no reason. We are the innocent.


Cindy