Hugs right back to you, sweetheart! I, too, feel blessed in the extreme to have found this wonderful place. And I know exactly what you mean about not being allowed to have certain friends, although in a different context - I now have three trans friends that are local to me, and I can actually get together with them from time to time, and they are immensely helpful to me on a number of levels. However, my wife does not support me in those friendships, quite the opposite. At this point, I'm in a mode of being completely honest with my wife, because there were too many years (i.e. MOST of our life together) when I was anything but. However, it causes her sadness and grief when she knows I'm going to see one or more of them. That doesn't stop me, but it does cause me pain, knowing that the simple act of spending time with a friend causes her so much pain. So much about this process is so painful at this point, and yet there is so much joy and beauty in it too. Coming here and posting about it, and reading others' experiences really helps me a lot - I am truly blessed to have found such a wonderful place.