grandmother unaccepting.

[Michael Joseph]

So in my family, I'm only out to half of them as trans. I guess for now the rest of them just think that I am a lesbian.. which bothers me because I'm not. I do like girls, but I am not a girl. Anyways, my grandmother came up to me the other day and gave me a book titled reconstructing sexual orientaion, how to turn a lesbian straight. That kind of set me back, if she can't accept me as liking girls, I don't know how I can ever come out to her as trans. I love her and would never want to lose her, but being stuck in this body is killing me. I just wish people could be understanding, and just get to see what its like for even one day, its beyond my control, I was born this way. I'm not trying to be selfish, but it seems selfish to me that family would not want me to be happy because it would "hurt them." I dont know, not trying to complain, im just upset.

[Dante]

That sucks when it has to be that way. I would just try to avoid telling her, but I suppose it'll come up at some point.

[Sharky]

I can relate. My grandmother doesn't understand either. With her I have a hard time figuring out if what she says is how she really feels, how she thinks she should feel, or if shes just saying it for comedic value.

I have "come out" to both my mom and grandmother a few times. Never gone well. The first time I came out to my mom I was about 15, she ran around yelling "You wana grow a penis!" Then she drove off and didn't come home to early in the morning.

Second time was this past summer, I'm 21 now, she asked me why I seem depressed. Since she kept asking I told her the truth, that I'm still bottling the fact that I am transgender. She said she thought it was depressing and disgusting. She would never be ok with it and that she would never be able to look at me, and no one else would want to. I'm going through a messy break up and today I was talking to my mom about it. I mentioned how I don't plan on dating again for awhile, partly because I am transgendered. All my mom said was "you know how I feel about that."

After that I had a similar conversation with my grandmother. This led to my grandmother telling me she was bi curious, that she envies some MTFs and how great their legs are, and if she was FTM she would want to get a dick like a pony, she literally said that. She also asked how hung my last boyfriend was, I tried to do the normal straight girl thing for awhile. My grandma also thinks there is a transgender phase going on and that I will eventually get over it.

[lilacwoman]

the fact you were given the book shows they know about you so give the book back and say sorry I feel I am male inside and have to transition. Do it asap and ask if she wants to talk about how she can help you become more male.
If she gets andgry and upset well you'll just be one more TS with unaccepting people who have to be minimised in your life.

[aydan_boy]

There is really no point in coming out to a woman like that. If she can't except homosexuality, there is no way in the world she can accept a transexual in her family.

[Michael Joseph]

Thanks guys, I guess I'm just going to have to accept that I will lose people in my life because of ignorance or just plain unacceptance, it just sucks.

[aydan_boy]

Depressing, isn't it? 

[Banf]

To be honest, I've heard quite a few accounts around here about transguys finding some family members actually better able to accept them as being trans than as lesbians. So coming out to this kind of person as trans could be easier than you might think. She'd be losing a lesbian grandaughter and gaining a straight male grandson..
It's sad and ridiculous reasoning, but sometimes true. :/

Good luck, though!

[jet3]

That sucks bro! When it comes down to it, it is your life. You need to do what you need to in order to make yourself happy. You only have one life to live, so make it worth it! When i told my mom that I liked girls it was really hard for her and I dont think she ever totally accepted it. for some reason when I told her I was trans i think every clicked for her and she accepted it 110% she has been awesome with my entire transition. She helped me pay for my chest surgery and she has helped me pay for my T. You never know, maybe you being trans will make more sense to some people in your family. I also had my dad come to a couple therapy sessions with me, and it helped him a ton! i would definitely suggest that. It might also be something that will just take certain people in your life a longer time to come around to and to understand. but i know people close to me started doing better with everything once i started physically changing and once they saw me becoming more and more happy. Good luck bro!