Coming out to my mother..

[Bird]

I have agreed with my therapist I should come out to my family about my condition ASAP.

Now that I look back to our session, I can't figure out how he talked me into it... because I am beginning to feel nervous. He has advised me to initially just tell her how I feel about my gender, to not go into stuff like hormones, surgeries and body transformation yet.

Anyway,I have to talk with my mother about this, this weekend. It will be the first weekend I will be able to have a moment alone with her without my dad around in ages, and for ages as well. I have enough guts to do it but I am afraid to hurt her. How do I do this without hurting her?

edit: He didn't talk me into it.. now I remember it, I came to that conclusion on my own. I've been feeling confused lately, sorry!

[spacial]

It's probably a good idea.

How you tell her depends on what sort of person she is and you know that better than anyone.

But if it were me, I would try to start by telling her when I first realised, how I felt about it then and since. Then tell her I've been taking therapy and have decided, now is the time to be honest with her.

I would only talk to the point of my present situation, rather than going into any future plans.

I would then leave it to her to ask what my future plans are. If she does, I will then discuss the options with her, with heavy emphasis upon the depression I will experience if I don't take the transision option.

Hope that helps.

[lilacwoman]

but you can't come out yet as you don't know what you are or what life you want to lead or be seen as!

i'd be inclined to find some local support where you can get out of the closet and be seen in public as a woman or at least a MtF and see if the fuss and details of a woman's life are acceptable.

and for that matter until you have been on hormones for a while you won't know if you can get along without the male sex drive.

what bout earning a living?  would you have to be male at work or be able to transition on the job?

lots of people do start transition then stop, revert or restart until eventually settling for original gender but how the family and friends accept them back is a mystery to me.

you could get both parents together and say you've been to see a therapist as you don't feel totally male and that gives them an entry to possibilities that you may one day say you want a sex change.

on the other hand if they were aware of your childhood crossdressing they may easily make the link and things will go better.

you

[Bird]

There ins't a local support group, sadly.

I can't earn a living because i am still a student, and since I study medicine, I am a full time student. I'd be able to transition during university.

Anyway, the matter to me is not if I should or not, because that is settled, it is how.

I know you are trying to help (and I highly appreciate it), but just about everything you assumed about me is wrong and are a bit off topic in this thread.

[Robyn]

No matter how your mom reacts, don't take it as a final position. Gender issues are a big pill to swallow, and it often takes parents, siblings, others quite awhile to absorb them. For some, there is a grieving period to go through, and reactions can change radically during the grieving process.

Perhaps the most important thing to dwell on is how you can become happier with the gender issue resolved in the future.

Best wishes

Robyn

[JenniL]

I couldn't do face to face with my parents. I'm on the west coast and their on the east coast. What I did write some letters to them and included some information. The letter consisted of me explaining everthing. My mom took it pretty well but dad took awhile but they had their suspiscions ever since I was 7, they figured I grew out of it. What I am suggesting is write a letter to prepare yourself and if you can bring some information about being GID/TG. Although i explained what GID/being TG is all about, they can read it to understand it more. That's what helped come out to family and friends. My therapist wanted me to come out more especially finally to get all te support I can get. I hope this advice helps insomeway. Good luck and I hope everything goes well with your mom.

Jennifer

[sophieb]

I came out to my Father (75yrs old) and my daughters 18 & 21 (both VERY conservative) and they all surprised me and handled it better than I ever thought. After I told them, I sent them all a copy of TRUE SELVES and they ALL appreciated it and thought it made the issue much easier to understand!

I am now closer to my daughters than I have ever been!

You never know what reaction you will get, but some people might surprise you!

[Bird]

True that.

Anyway, I am telling her tommorow. I will post about how it goes.