Corrupt-A-Wish

[Robin Mack]

Granted, but you sleep through it.  So there. 

I wish for a flashlight is fully charged and never burns out when I need it.

[Xhianil]

Wish granted, you now lose 100 pounds every minute.

I wish the earth was a cookie.

[Robin Mack]

Granted, but alas, the rules of physics being what they are, the cookie doesn't have enough mass to avoid imploding into a highly compressed, gooey ball of super-hot scorched cookie dough, destroying all life as it becomes a toll-house cookie ball of doom the size of North Dakota.

I wish I had a butt.

[suzifrommd]

I wish I had a butt.

Oh Robin, you make it too easy.

Granted. You're riding down the highway when some slob in a dirty pick-up tosses his cigarette butt through your open window. It's now all yours...

I wish this headache would go away.

[Danielle Emmalee]

Wish granted, but you should have specified US currency, now you're stuck with 1 million Zimbabwe dollars, worth nothing but the paper they're printed on.

I wish I could control all of space and time.

[suzifrommd]

I wish I could control all of space and time.

Granted. You are all powerful. You are hit with such information overload, your first thought is "make it stop." Oops, you're back to being yourself. Oh well.

I wish there were good news for a change.

[Robin Mack]

*POOF* a four-inch band starting at your forehead disappears, leaving you with your hairline coming in at your eyebrows. 

I wish I had a publisher for my novel.

[suzifrommd]

*POOF* a four-inch band starting at your forehead disappears, leaving you with your hairline coming in at your eyebrows. 

I wish I had a publisher for my novel.

Granted. A vanity press cons you out of thousands, but your book is published.

[seriously though] Try Createspace.com. You can publish a book (and listed it on the prominant e-book sites) for the cost of a single copy.[/seriously though]

I wish my wife and I could finally agree on a divorce settlement and move on already.

[Devlyn]

Granted. Your butt's in gear. Coal miners gear. NOW GET TO WORK!

I wish I had a big office to count the profits from my coal mining industry.

[Darkie]

Granted. Your butt's in gear. Coal miners gear. NOW GET TO WORK!

I wish I had a big office to count the profits from my coal mining industry.

You get your big office but unfortunately the building has a mouse problem and now you share your office with a nice little family of 2 parent mice and 25 children.

I wish I could have close friends where I live that actually have time to hang out with me..

[MadeleineG]

Granted. Your washing machine just died.

I wish that I weren't bald.

[Robin Mack]

Granted.  *Poof*  You now live in Saudi Arabia, where, as a woman, you are not permitted to leave the house without a full hijab and the permission of a male who is responsible for you. 

I wish for women's rights world-wide to be the equal of men's

[Xhianil]

Wish granted, every girl now has the same rights as a male felon in prison.

I wish for a healthy, playful, cute, well behaved puppy.

[Alice Rogers]

Granted 'Tada!!' You now have a healthy, playful, cute, well behaved puppy and it only cost you your entire life savings!

I wish for a more feminine shape that looks damn good in my girly clothes.

[Danielle Emmalee]

Wish granted, you never wake up, you just sleep forever.

I wish I could find that math thread started by Jamie D.

[MoonThief]

You are able to sleep, but you don't wake up until 5 years pass.


I wish I could visit the moon.

[Darkie]

You get to visit the moon but your spaceship breaks down and you are stuck there.

I wish I never get dementia as that is most likely my fate.

[Robin Mack]

Alakazam!  Your car is suddenly shiny and new, with all the upgrades.  You can see the knobby thingies on the brand new luxury tires and a glint of sunlight from the polished chrome around the license plate catches on the tears on your face as the car speeds away, driven by a car thief.

I wish I had another 12 ounces of fresh, non-poisonous, delicious tasting coffee at 105 degrees Fahrenheit in temperature. 

[King Malachite]

Alakazam!  Your car is suddenly shiny and new, with all the upgrades.  You can see the knobby thingies on the brand new luxury tires and a glint of sunlight from the polished chrome around the license plate catches on the tears on your face as the car speeds away, driven by a car thief.

I wish I had another 12 ounces of fresh, non-poisonous, delicious tasting coffee at 105 degrees Fahrenheit in temperature. 

Granted but before you have a change to drink it, you spill it all over yourself.  Have fun with that. 

I wish an easy job where I wouldn't have to talk to people and had great pay would just fall into my lap.

[Robin Mack]

*poof*  You have an awesome, fulfilling the job where you can stretch your skills and are appreciated for all that you do, all from the comfort of your own office.  It's for a foundation for the deaf, owned, staffed, and managed by deaf people.  Unfortunately, this includes you now.  Oh, and you are paid in currency local to this foundation, which turns out to be intricately carved boulders of two to three hundred pounds apiece, which drop into your lap at regular intervals.

I wish for my girlfriend to be restored to perfect health.