Excusing time off for GRS

[Buggy-pie]

Hi

I am due to have surgery soon and yet to inform work of my absence.

What do you tell work in order to get time off? I have only ever been in hospital once for any treatment that incurred a sustained time off work and that was for wisdom teeth extraction and i had no problem with taking about that!

I am guessing i will need to be off for 4 weeks minimum, i have nearly 3 weeks holiday still to use, some people at work are aware of my past but over time as new staff have replaced departed then its become a thing of the past (which i would rather not dredge up if i can avoid it) and now find myself in a quandry what to do.

This may reflect my own paranoia however, ie, i should just say i am off for a hospital stay and give no reason (although in my head EVERYONE will know why!) with a most likely reality that noone will give a second thought and so the 'dilema' is all in my head...however here i am in a forum posting for first time in years as i am stuck and going round in circles!

Any ideas, suggestion, experiences to share greatly received!

Thanks

Nat

[lilacwoman]

as all my close friends are happy to follow my progress and know I have been kept waiting too long I am sure that when I finally tell them all I am off for my srs they will all be delighted and congratulate me.
Your friends will no doubt feel the same about you and your good news.  So tell your friends and let your happiness and their acceptance override any of the non-accepters you may work with.

But have you read about how long other people need off work to recover?

[Cruelladeville]

I guess if you do it as holiday time....

And then a week's unpaid leave....no one's in a position to know what yer up to apart from maybe senior management?

But if you take the whole time off as sick leave...I doubt you'd be able to fudge it...lol

Good luck....

(PS) and have a plan (b) up yer sleeve if you need more time to heal-n-stuff....

[Buggy-pie]

Hi,

Friends arent a problem, some know and dont care, others dont and arent close enough to need to know as i'll only be away for a week or two.

Work is the real problem. i am not good at lying and feel better telling them i am off for medical reasons as 4 weeks recovery is a minimum and i dont know how long i will need so at least if i am honest(ish) then it can work for me.  My job is very sedendtry as its office and desk based, most likely issue with that is the sitting so i think booking 3 weeks off as hols and then 'twisting my ankle' is probably not best approach just in case i do need more time (as i dont want to stress on week 4 about lying abot not going back if i need longer).

Do you usually just say i need x time off as i'll be in hospital and thats it or do you have to give reasons and if so what reasons are acceptable for this kind of time?

Years ago i would have been more open about it as it would have been a bit more current news but unfortunately that is now in the past and i have to deal with now.

Thanks

Nat

[Cruelladeville]

As I don't know your exact circumstances I can only take a view of this from having been in commercial bus for over 25 years...lol

Y(our employers will be looking at it from a money issue)

As long as you remain non-deal breaking financially useful.....then it's not going to be too much of their business what you're off for...is it?

But if their paying for your time of (I presume it's a private Co not a public sector one)..... then if you fail to perform 'business as usual' then it will quickly become your problem...

I had a GG girlie mate she got breast cancer, and within weeks of needing more regular time off for chemo (dah management) tried to wheedle out of paying her...then fire her (nice)!! 

It's simply down to the economics, and how tough a trading environment your employers in.....

And how important the job is to yer survival.....?

So do what it takes to secure it.... and bite yer lip on the embarrassment stuff if need be...

Within 3-6 months you'll be back to some form of normal for sure....

[Buggy-pie]

Hi,

Actually it is public sector (a county council) so i dont think the actual time is an issue (although their policy seems to be to not pay for leave time incurred by elective procedures), just how i can keep my privacy but currently i get the idea that i have to forgoe that and dredge up the whole trans-issue if i read the feeling on the board correctly.

What i would hope i could do is book say 2 weeks off,  advise them that i will be in hospital at the end of that period and perhaps require at least another 2 weeks off but may need longer.  As my work is IT based i am hoping that i can continue working from home at somepoint in that time (both to relieve boredom and to remain of value to them as i am the lead in my team) as my head should be ok, the recuperation is mainly physical.

If goo has to hit the fan after all this time then so be it, although i had hoped to keep the past in the past and not bring it to the present once more as the whole purpose of going through all this is to get better, not constantly live as the 'oddity' in successive waves of 'coming out'.

Thanks

Nat

[Cruelladeville]

The public sector makes it more easy.....lol

Yep my B/F is able to work remote for the NHS in an IT way.....

So you should be able to get away with being more coy, but I would defo clear some issues if need be with senior/dir types if one or two are allies so to speak....

And good-luck with the surgery..... there seem to be a few ladies posting here whom have been through the mill in the UK recently on that score...many thrilled and delighted which is nice to know....

Toodle-pip

Auntie C

[peggygee]

People that know me, know that I love to travel, that I am woefully struck with wanderlust.

Thus when I had my surgery I  saved up all my vacation time, sick time, and some personal unpaid time, and spent a month in Thailand.

Fortunately in the job that I had at the time when I chose my surgical date it felll during a relatvely quiet and slow time of the year. In
the job that I am in now that would not have been an option.

Compund having surgery and then having to come back and have a dilation regimen and to recupperate in general, plus the BA that I
had at the same time made for a very interesting experience.

[Buggy-pie]

Hi,

Yes, being in the public sector has been pivitol to making things so much easier for me, lying here drunk on the sofa at the mo thinking about things make me remember how fortunate i have both been and can still be if i just let go of the paranoia tag, tell my managers *something* (although he does know about me) and try to dress it up as a combo of holiday with a bit of hospitilization.

That way i do retain some flexibility should i need longer and the like.  I get exhausted enough at the mo let alone coming out the back end of a major surgery so i would hope i could get some kind of phased return with home working so some degree of honesty will pay.

Nat

[Buggy-pie]

Hi,

I have told work of my need to have time off (later than sceduled as original dates have moved) and my line manager (who only started this year) replied that he was aware of my 'personal situation' and was this time off part of my ongoing treatment etc.

I was horrified of this, i hadnt been told that he had been told, i see no reason for him to have known and was enraged when i came to be aware of this.  The fact he is supportive is irrelevant in my eyes, i feel this information should not have been disclosed to a low level manager so many years after the original disclosure and way before he started there.

Before i start shaking cages about this am i right?  Do they have some kind of ongoing duty of care and so could say they had a responsibility in advising him? Should i not have been advised he knew or was to be told?  I feel so betrayed and volated over this that i have not yet replied to him/them as my anger is distorting my objectivity and because i cant just speak to anyone about this i am just stewing on this and perhaps making things worse in my head.

Thanks

Nat

[lilacwoman]

lots of public enterprises are having to clamp down on people taking excessive time off - my boss has to go represent staff who have previously been taking too much time off or have been continuously sick but some of them have been fired as at end of day the job has to be done and management has to have staff to do the job.
So if you are expecting extended time off they need to know about it to plan for your absence.
If the person is your manager its perhaps expecting a bit much for him not be aware of your situation but how can you find out how he knew?
Taking the matter up with higher management may get you some satisfaction but may alienate your line manager and others.
I'd be inclined to thank the line manager for understanding and let him know precisely how long you expect to be off.

[sneakersjay]

I told work I was having surgery and needed time off (8 weeks).  Fortunately i was covered under the Family Medical Leave Act, and drew short term disability. I did NOT tell them what I was having done and it is illegal for them to ask.

Jay

[caitlin_adams]

Hi Nat

The first thing I would do is talk to my union delegate or organizer about what your entitlements are to medical leave. If you do not wish to disclose that you are transgendered then you could ask in general terms (e.g. How many days off can I have without a medical certificate, do I have a right to unpaid leave, am I entitled to take annual leave at half pay (e.g. 6 weeks off on half pay, if you can afford it)). You could also ask your HR department or manager - especially in the public sector where it's not as if it's their money.

Also, out of curiosity, are you presenting as the gender you intend to live as post surgery? I would assume so as the standards of care require it. If so and you are a MTF, you could talk to the surgeon and see what they could do in terms of a medical certificate. If you have a legitimate medical problem many doctors, in the interest of privacy, will write you a medical certificate that is deliberately vague. E.G. I, Dr X, will be performing necessary surgery on Nat xx date. She will require 4-5 weeks off to recover. Perhaps they could mention it is due to your reproductive system. Often a little bit of information is enough to satisfy most people. They'll still gossip but they won't have to pry any further.

Just some ideas.

Which country are you in, employment rights differ greatly between jurisdictions.

[Buggy-pie]

Hi,

Sorry, i didnt receive notifications that this had been replied to so only just seen these.

I am in the UK and do work in local Government.  I have only had 4 days off sick in 4.5 years so doubt i am being investigated as a repeat offender or abuser.

I had previously read that guidelines precluded "elective procedures" from sick leave and i assumed that GRS may fall under that category.  His email on Friday made an assumption that i was having an operation in relation to my ongoing treatment so would only need book annual leave for the day of surgery only, time after that would be sick leave, could i confirm.

If i confirm then i gain by having full support i presume but then am worried of a hidden 'cost' of then being told its elective so unpaid.  I also dont like the idea of someone 'knowing' whats happening so i shall be evasive i think.

Yes i am female and this new manager has only been there this year which is why i am angry that he has been told as i crossed the transitioing hurdle years before.  My medical history is not relevant to my job and i feel there was no need for him to have known as i feel it already now alienates me as being differant when the whole purpose of doing this is to just be like anyone else. 

HR assured me when they found out (i originally contracted and transitioned withint months then went permanent years later so HR never knew as they werent involved) that this information will be treated as very confidential on a strict basis which underpins why i cannot believe just a lowly manager has been told something very personal and private that happened many years ago.  Even my extended CRBs makes no reference to this i feel very exposed and violated.

Thanks for responding.

Nat

[lilacwoman]

well if its common knowledge then you aren't the 100% passable and in stealth that you think you are?
Hard to imagine how to get the truth about how the manager knew.
Let it die and be a gracious lady.
How do you and manager feel about the recovery being a good few weeks?

[Buggy-pie]

Um, no, it isnt common knowledge now.

There are staff that knew a male me for a few months when i started but over the years, as in any organisation and particularly in IT, staff have come and gone since so whilst some are still there (in other areas of the unit) very few are in my area and have known me for years as i am now rather than the months as i was.

I have never experienced any prejudice or 'outings' previously and the fact i ony lasted a few months in the new place was because i only then realised (after working in out of hour roles esewhere and so kept away froml large environments) i was confusing the staff (ie the ones that didnt know my name but recognised me as a face in the corridor) who saw me as female aready.  Because of this i 'went for it', some then found i for the first time i wasnt as femae or male as they thought and the whole siutation just confirmed things and then i went from there.

I am no pin up for sure but perhaps like anyone, the thought of a past being revealed is always upsetting and confidence rocking which is why i have found it so upsetting.  If i fet i were very male and couldnt pass in anyway then i would not be upset by this as i would clearly have needed to develop rhino skin but fact is, i havent.

There is also a differance in someone saying they "knew" as it implies something has been said.  For sure, i imagine new staff might wonder or suspect perhaps (its that confidence thing again) but they cannot say they KNOW as its not been confirmed and i find this acceptable.

I shall raise this with HR tomorrow, may be too late for me now but i now want to know who else has been told since the original year of discosure when of course it would have been news and why.  I also then need to advise that its a criminal act to reveal this information without my consent and punishabe by a £5000 fine etc etc.

If i now say nothing and one day something happens and is/could be related to this in someway then i would have been negligent in not nipping it in the bud and ensuring those that do know acknowledge the legal ramifications from any unlawful disclosure, whether its to me or someone else (we have about 80k workers so i wil not be the ony one within the organisation)

Nat