Girl mode and Boy mode??

[Mishamigo_Jared]

alright so i want to know if any of you guys do this as welll....so i'm not the only freak out there  At school i was constantly harrassed about my appearance (i was out full time as a guy at school). I have alot of emotional problems (schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, dysphoria among other things  ) and all of the harrassment was making the problems worse. So i have decided to switch to girl mode for school. I know for the kids at school they might have seen this as a drastic change, cuz i know i did. I wore dresses, leggings, makeup and put a headband in my hair (its so short i had no idea what to do with it  ) i hated wearing all of that stuff, but everyone else treated me different. more nicely in a way  and although i disliked dressing in Drag ( thats what it feels like....i feel like a dude in makeup and a dress) i liked that people liked me (but, not for me) and i didnt get one harrassing comment that day i showed up in a dress  But, on the weekends and when i hang out with my girlfriend i go into full boy mode. shes never seen me as a girl so to say...she knows me as Adam and that i am a guy. Theres no Megan at all when i'm with her. theres no harrassment at all when im not in school. i pass 100% on the street  so does anyone else have a boy mode and girl mode?

[littlemonster]

Sort of. 

At least I used to.  Before I made the decision to formally transition, I wobbled back and forth between boy clothes and girl clothes (with the hordes of accessories, cute shoes, and make up).  When I was fairly sure I was going to transition and my dysphoria was much stronger, I still put on my girl clothes for job interviews.  This was nasty, because I wanted nothing more than to be who I was and present myself as such, and I didn't want to look like one person for the interview and look like another if I got hired. 

Girl mode was just easier for me.  People expected someone like me to be all about the girly-ness and pretty-ness, and I just got less crap that way. 

Hated it!  I feel so uncomfortable and bad about myself in girl mode that I haven't done it in a year, and I'm never going to do it again unless I want to get kinky and put on stockings and heels in the bedroom.  (lol.) 

Then again, I guess I still kind of have a girl mode because my parents still consider me female and treat me as such, and I don't have the balls to correct them or ask that they stop ignoring the fact that I'm trans entirely. 

[Jaxen]

I still have to present as female for work. I'm in commission sales and I don't think my female voice in men's clothing would go over well. I'm pre-t though and I do speak in male voice patterns (I don't even try, it's default) my voice is too high pitched for me to pass at work. I do however dress unisex (basic polo and chinos) and I have my hair cut like a man so I'm sure I'm passing as butch lesbian. heh Funny because I'm gay for guys. But lesbian seems to be more acceptable than trans in society and I don't get paid unless I sell so yeah... I'm still in drag at work. But I hate it.

[brainiac]

I don't pass yet, but I know that I will end up having a boy mode and a girl mode if I stay with my current partner. I'm hoping that boy mode can be most of the time... but my partner needs at least some feminine presentation in his partner's expression. We're seeing if things can work out with me coming out and being seen as a guy more often.

I don't think I'm TS, but I don't know where on the transgender spectrum I fall. So we'll see if I can be happy still living in girl mode sometimes--but only around people who think of me as a guy.

[Jeatyn]

I go clubbing in girl mode, I have no ID and looking like a 12 year old boy is going to get me turned away.....and anyway people buy me drinks in girl mode

[Bagheera]

I don't really have a boy mode yet.  My parents still have no idea and I live with them, so... I'll get lip if I'm ever caught in "boy mode" or even looking like a boy. I haven't even gotten a haircut yet. The most I do right now is wear my binder to school and try to get the body language down.

Living in girl mode ('tomboy') kinda bites but I can only imagine how complicated it must be to live with BOTH boy and girl modes.

[Sly]

I went in girl mode at my previous job, which I got before I was sure whether or not I wanted to transition.  I don't have that job anymore and I'm hoping to be able to go fulltime at my next one.

[Jeatyn]

Living in girl mode ('tomboy') kinda bites but I can only imagine how complicated it must be to live with BOTH boy and girl modes.

It's such a pain in the ass, I've ended up with a double life lately. I have to keep my "girl mode" friends away from my "boy mode" friends and I even had two separate facebooks at one point. Sometimes I forget who I've come out to and who I haven't and it's stressful trying to watch what I say.

I used to be very out and proud before getting pregnant, now I'm half in and out of the closet because I have no chance of passing and the whole "hey pleased to meet you I'm clearly a pregnant woman but can you call me by male pronouns please?" just confuses people and invites too many questions I can't be bothered with xD

[Adio]

I had a somewhat similar experience in high school and into my first year of college.  I was teased horribly while in "boy mode" and was seen as the school butch lesbian.  But when I presented as female (bit of a story there), I had more friends, was well liked, and even enjoyed myself more. 

I no longer have a boy/girl mode.  I realized I was happier was not because I was a "girl" but because I wasn't getting harassed anymore.  So I found friends that could accept me for the guy I am.  I don't plan on ever reverting back now.  But I can see why it could be appealing, especially when other people are giving you a hard time.

[Matt Chase]

i spent several months last year pretty much exclusively in "girl mode", wearing dresses, sometimes makeup, etc. it was extremely uncomfortable for me but i was trying to "grow into" being a normal girl (this was before i realized i was trans, i thought all girls felt like boys but just got over it earlier than me...) people told me i looked good but it didn't make me feel good, it was weird but i kept dressing like that to try to start feeling normal, but my self harm got worse around then because i knew ~deep down~ that wasn't how it was supposed to be, for a while up until that point i'd been passively trying to "turn into" a girl, but in elementary/middle school i kind of didn't care so much and dressed more like a boy (and again expected to "grow into" my gender.) but these days just dressing more like my true gender even though i'm not out feels even just a little better than cross-dressing, though because everyone at school "knows" i'm a girl i don't get a lot of chances to really be seen as what i really am, it does make me really happy when people i don't know recognize me as male or people i do know say i look like a guy. i've never really had a problem with being bullied or anything though so i guess this isn't much help.

[Darrin Scott]

Interesting thread....

I never identified as a "boy" or a "girl" before. I always just was.... I've been dressing like a male from the time I was able to dress myself. Over the years I've tried..er...people have tried to get me to be more of a girl. Like 4 years ago, I tried the skirts, make up and all that, but it didn't last very long at all. When I dated my ex, his family almost required me to be more of a girl. My ex even bought me an ugly (womens) shirt and I wore it once and told him I didn't like it. Other than that, I've always been in "boy mode". Never by choice, but by default. People gave me crap in school for being more of a male and I got really depressed about not fitting in..etc..but I never thought to change the way I look. I wasn't against it, just never thought about it as a way to solve my problems. *shrugs*

[Alexmakenoise]

I awkwardly and nervously present as female in situations in which some basic aspect of my survival depends on what other people think of me.  Like job interviews, looking for a place to live - that sort of thing.  I've dealt with some harsh consequences of being seen as too masculine in these situations in the past, so now I'm kind of paranoid.  I know I'd be better off if I just acted like myself because, realistically, I'm unlikely to get discriminated against just for not being feminine enough in the place where I live now.  And I'd prefer to work for and rent from people who accept me for who I am anyway.  But I keep giving in to my fears and wearing feminine clothes anyway . . . and then feeling uncomfortable.

Usually, I don't think about gender very much in application to myself and just wear what I want to and act the way I want to.  And people can think whatever they want, though the truth is that no one seems to care. 

[Devyn]

I pretty much live a double life. I even have two separate Facebooks; I use my male one more though. My female one is for my family and friends who think they know me.

Anyway, I'm stuck as  tomboy right now. It bothers me, but binding for time to time when I can helps. Sort of. Whenever I talk abot transsexualism around my mom though, the things she says makes me want to try being a girl again. I mean, I know it will destroy me if I don't move out and start transitioning as soon as I can (15 and stuck in girl mode for another 2 1/2 years.) I would tell her I'm trans, but she threw a fit when I simply told her I'm bisexual but prefer girls. If she can't handle that, I'm not even going to try with the rest.

In fact, we were just talking about transsexuals, specifically FtMs (I try to lighten up her views on us at least so that when I come out someday, it won't be as bad as I know it would be now. I'll be way past 18 when I come out to her, however. I want to try to break contact with her when I move out - I don't really like my mom anyway. I would do it even if I wasn't trans) and she called us "it". I corrected her and said, "he". She laughed and said, "It." She also says we're girls because, as she put it, we have "vajayjays". No exaggeration. She actually said "vajayjay." And then she laughed. She loves picking on me about transsexualism because she knows how pro-transsexuals I am. She doesn't know why though. 

All I'm saying...we ain't its.

She said it doesn't make sense to her, but when I try to explain it - she's one of those stubborn people that is stuck on the way they think even if you're right - she doesn't listen to me or believe me. Oh well. 2 1/2 years and I'll be good. My one friend who is supportive of my trans identity moved to Japan. She said she would let me stay with her for a while when I move out until I can buy my own place (she's currently teaching me Japanese through AIM. So I'm getting better with that country's language. ) She has enough money of her own to pay for a plane ticket for me; she said she would fly me there. Unfortunately, this is going to be almost 3 years from now. I think it's ridiculous that I have to wait to be myself.

Because I'm in girl mode 24/7 right now, I do "crossdress" when I'm home alone. I'll bind frequently while presenting as female still - I'm surprised my mom hasn't noticed I'm smaller in that area sometimes.

OH, and I have to wear a dress and heels on the 23rd! Lucky me! My mom is making me take a picture for my dad when I wear it because apparently my dad has the right to have a picture of his daughter in a dress. She also made the decision that I am going to prom. If I have to wear a dress, I am certainly not going to my prom. That isn't happening. I love how she doesn't wonder about this. I try to make it obvious that I feel like a guy, but you know, whatever. The first time she made a comment about my boobs when I was 11, I cried, screaming that I hated them and she said that it's a phase and that I'll like them when I grow up. Still don't like them. Actually, I hate them more now.

[Alexmakenoise]

OH, and I have to wear a dress and heels on the 23rd! Lucky me! My mom is making me take a picture for my dad when I wear it because apparently my dad has the right to have a picture of his daughter in a dress. She also made the decision that I am going to prom. If I have to wear a dress, I am certainly not going to my prom. That isn't happening. I love how she doesn't wonder about this. I try to make it obvious that I feel like a guy, but you know, whatever. The first time she made a comment about my boobs when I was 11, I cried, screaming that I hated them and she said that it's a phase and that I'll like them when I grow up. Still don't like them. Actually, I hate them more now.

That sounds like my parents.  As long as I lived with them, I had to wear a dress to church every Sunday.  I was required to have long hair because it was "their right" to have pictures of their daughter with long hair.  If I questioned it, they'd say it was a small sacrifice on my part compared to the time, effort, and money they had spent on raising a kid.  So I just sucked it up and went along with it, moved out as early as I could, and then started being myself.

By the way, maybe you could find a way to move out on the early side?  I did it by starting college a year early, without having finished high school, and getting a scholarship so I could go for free.  A lot of colleges will accept some students who haven't finished high school if your grades are good enough and you ask.  There are other options too.  You can legally emancipate yourself.  I don't know that much about that option, but I think you have to be financially self-sufficient first. 

Ironically, my parents have mellowed out in their "old" age and now they're very accepting.

[Devyn]

That sounds like my parents.  As long as I lived with them, I had to wear a dress to church every Sunday.  I was required to have long hair because it was "their right" to have pictures of their daughter with long hair.  If I questioned it, they'd say it was a small sacrifice on my part compared to the time, effort, and money they had spent on raising a kid.  So I just sucked it up and went along with it, moved out as early as I could, and then started being myself.

By the way, maybe you could find a way to move out on the early side?  I did it by starting college a year early, without having finished high school, and getting a scholarship so I could go for free.  A lot of colleges will accept some students who haven't finished high school if your grades are good enough and you ask.  There are other options too.  You can legally emancipate yourself.  I don't know that much about that option, but I think you have to be financially self-sufficient first. 

Ironically, my parents have mellowed out in their "old" age and now they're very accepting.

Well, I'm definitely not financially self-sufficient. Also, don't you need a reason for emancipation?

And I'm not smart enough to get into college early. If I bring my grades up, I might. Maybe. I doubt that would work out that well though. However, you have something going there. I never thought about finding a way to move out early. You have good ideas.  I need to google more ways to move out early now.

[insideontheoutside]

I awkwardly and nervously present as female in situations in which some basic aspect of my survival depends on what other people think of me.  Like job interviews, looking for a place to live - that sort of thing.  I've dealt with some harsh consequences of being seen as too masculine in these situations in the past, so now I'm kind of paranoid.  I know I'd be better off if I just acted like myself because, realistically, I'm unlikely to get discriminated against just for not being feminine enough in the place where I live now.  And I'd prefer to work for and rent from people who accept me for who I am anyway.  But I keep giving in to my fears and wearing feminine clothes anyway . . . and then feeling uncomfortable.

Usually, I don't think about gender very much in application to myself and just wear what I want to and act the way I want to.  And people can think whatever they want, though the truth is that no one seems to care.

Pretty much this, minus the paranoid factor. No matter what I just try to be myself and most of the time gender does not even come up at all. Rarely do I find myself in a situation where I would be expected to be overtly female. Even in situations where I'm using my name, filling out paperwork, working, that sort of thing gender rarely comes up for me. When I realized that, it made it much easier to just begin to be more comfortable and just act like myself.

I do have some clear separations online - because hey, online is a hell of a lot easier to pull of. When you end up making close friends with people online over time is the only time it's ever gotten a bit sticky for me. I still have online friends that think I'm just your regular average dude. Really, I'm an above average dude hahaha There's one person I came "out" to online and he was very accepting and understanding of my situation. I know not everyone would be like that but I don't go online and interact with people to become best buds either. Usually it's just casual conversation.

Anyway, If I ever have to do "girl mode" specifically, I consider that an acting job and that puts a kind of fun spin on it.

[Mishamigo_Jared]

I'm glad that theres other people like me out there  My mom is kind of accepting but, some things she says makes me want to stay in girl mode. She tells me that my family thinks what i'm doing is a mistake and that they think everything would be better if i'm a girl. but, i never was a girl to begin with...well, physically yes, but, not inside. Thinking that I would have more friends if i was a girl is definitly a more favourable option but, i dont know how long i can keep up with being in boy mode and girl mode. living a double life is really tough but, i have a year left in high school so i'm going to wait until i get out and enter into university as a guy. nobody will know me and i think thats for the best. i'm sorry your mom isnt so accepting of Trans people Devyn

[Mishamigo_Jared]

Pretty much this, minus the paranoid factor. No matter what I just try to be myself and most of the time gender does not even come up at all. Rarely do I find myself in a situation where I would be expected to be overtly female. Even in situations where I'm using my name, filling out paperwork, working, that sort of thing gender rarely comes up for me. When I realized that, it made it much easier to just begin to be more comfortable and just act like myself.

I do have some clear separations online - because hey, online is a hell of a lot easier to pull of. When you end up making close friends with people online over time is the only time it's ever gotten a bit sticky for me. I still have online friends that think I'm just your regular average dude. Really, I'm an above average dude hahaha There's one person I came "out" to online and he was very accepting and understanding of my situation. I know not everyone would be like that but I don't go online and interact with people to become best buds either. Usually it's just casual conversation.

Anyway, If I ever have to do "girl mode" specifically, I consider that an acting job and that puts a kind of fun spin on it.

Same with me online is much easier to pull off as being a dude then in person  I havent come out to any of my online friends they just think i'm the avrage joe I have never thought about girl mode as being an acting job  I'm going to be majoring in drama so this would be good practice 

[Aegir]

I still have to, mostly because I will probably never pass. More and more though, I'm finding that some days I can't bear to put on female clothing. Nobody ever says anything though, so it seems I look very female despite it.

[Robert F.]

I only ever did "girl mode" for school and family pictures where I was told to wear a skirt. Other than that, I've always dressed like a guy. In terms of behavior, or actually presenting as male, I try to present male as much as possible when I'm at the mall and places similar. At school, I try to present as male around people who don't know me.