Why am I like this? Not the transsexual issue here, but me as a person. When I speak to people it's like I give total trust to people, and act way too friendly to the point of being gullible when I speak to them one-on-one. I never get angry with people either, and only get angry at myself in my mind. And I always accept people, whoever they are, as long as they accept me.
And I feel like I always want to be loved, even if I am not, it's like I cannot communicate well with people either sometimes. Some people find this strange and I can see it, because they will smile at me, but not a mean or awkward smile but a natural smile. And then people really dumbed down their conversations with me, and I can see that they do it as if they are speaking to a child. Even my managers do it, like they won't speak to me directly but would speak to a co-worker, or they would use very clear sentences. I get described cute way too many times for a typical 18 yr old guy too. And I am getting a little annoyed by it, but I can't change how I act to a point of a whole persona for days on end. And then this one dude in an angry tone when i took his cart (these things are used to bring out the products to the floor) said, "Boy that's mine".
I was really thinking about myself as a person, and I am not really normal... there's something really weird about me, and I think it's a little bit like a "Marilyn Monroe" personality. I can't put my finger on it, but I see a lot of her in me, in which she just wanted to be loved and accepted but she never was. It's the innocence I see in her even when she was old, and I think I have that quality (still I never had sex, smoke, got drunk, went to parties or anything besides computer, school, and work). Then she was really conscious of her image, and I am to a high level, but that image is all in my head.
Why would this be happening to me?
