Kids At School?

[Kentrie]

I'm in high school and quite a few people know I'm trans but there are certain people that I would prefer them to not know what I am (The girl I'm in love with, that I'm not dating for reasons that are to hard to explain and it's a very long story, and basically the people who don't know me that well and the people I've known my whole life) I'm afraid of getting made fun of and laughed at and I'm afraid "the girl" will hate me cause I've known her since I was 8 and she will not talk to me (if anyone wants to know the story then message me and I'll tell you but it's a really long and intimate story), she's also the reason I'm in night school (alternative school), well her and her mom cause I'm 80% sure her mom hates me, I had to be a jealous jerk and call her a "Bitch" and she got pissed off and told her mom who told a cop and I already have harassment charges for "Being mean to her" I called her a bunch of names and me and my friend called her house constantly and said, in my opinion, very funny and somewhat hurtful things on the answering machine to "the girls" mother. Her mother files harassment charges if I even look at "the girl" Why can't anyone see I'm being one of the typical jerks that some guys are when they like someone because their to embarassed to let anyone know they care about them. Growing up I thought caring was for girls and being tough was for boys. But no, they see me as a girl who is stalking another girl, when that's not true at all, I mean come on I check this guys profile constantly to see if their actually dating (Their "relationship" is complicated) but she doesn't even comment on his facebook. Her eyes and face light up every time she sees me and I get the vibe she feels the same way but she's getting me in trouble and making me mad, Ive been in love with her for 5 years and I've always felt this "connection" to her and I can't love or like anyone else because only want to be with her. Has anyone ever felt a connection to someone? Can any of you ladies out there tell me what's going through her head because I do not understand girls at all. And can anyone tell me what to do about coming out all of the way?

[Kentrie]

Umm, it sounds like you ARE stalking and harassing her (and her mother and boyfriend). Being male is no excuse for this kind of behavior. They're not giving you the cold shoulder because they think you're not being ladylike, they're doing it because you're bordering on criminal behavior.

The phone calls happened two years ago and I have problems with being nice to people I care about, I wish I could just love her like a normal person but I have to many issues and I'm emotionally unstable and I just want her to forgive me and let me explain but she won't and it kills me. Her and this boy aren't "In a relationship" because the guy is going to football games and getting other girl's numbers and he called the girl I'm in love with crazy and he's more of a criminal than I am and it pisses me off that she'll choose him, the guy who doesn't give a damn about her, over me, the guy who has always loved her and she loved me at one point but I understand if she doesn't now because I was mean to her and she doesn't deserve to be treated that way but I don't want the other guy to hurt her either and it just kills me when I think of her with someone else, and I don't know how to stop being abusive, and I don't know how to get her to forgive me and let me explain. I don't want to be this way but I don't know how to treat someone I care about. Sometimes I actually hate myself for it, but I don't know what to do.

[Kentrie]

Yeah, I deleted the one reply because I got pissed off and was being rude so I had to calm down and reply again.

[Ryan]

This is all pretty creepy. If you keep getting done for harassment, I suggest you stop doing things that could be seen as harassment.

She has a boyfriend, or a complicated-relationship-friend at least. Just leave it. If she wants it to happen, she'll let you know.
I think you probably over-analyse things too. The fact that they don't post on each others Facebooks means nothing at all. I never posted on my exs Facebook accounts because I contacted them in other ways, or actually saw them in person instead.

It just sounds like you're obsessing, and there's nothing more unattractive than that.

[Kentrie]

I've known her for 8 years and we used to be friends and more. Ryan: They aren't dating because he said they weren't, suggesting they have other ways to talk is just making me more jealous (Sorry) It's not obsession, it's love, there is no such thing as obsession, love depends on the personality of the person and some people are more clingy than others.

[James42]

I think you should civilly talk to her whenever you get a chance that wouldn't seem suspicious or be seen as harrassment, be straight up with her about how you feel (carefully choosing your wording tho) and if she tells you she doesn't feel the same, then just let it be and leave it as that no matter how hard it is, it has to get through your head. But if she cares for you in the same way then let her know you'll wait till the time is right, and until then you'll work on your personal issues. Either way, you want her to have respect for you and in order for that, you have to respect both her and her mom no matter what.

Just my opinion

[Ryan]

I've known her for 8 years and we used to be friends and more. Ryan: They aren't dating because he said they weren't, suggesting they have other ways to talk is just making me more jealous (Sorry) It's not obsession, it's love, there is no such thing as obsession, love depends on the personality of the person and some people are more clingy than others.

It certainly sounds like an obsession to me.
You're in high school and you've been in love with her for 5 years? Since you were what? 11?

I'm just being honest about how it sounds to me. That was the point in posting this thread, right? Unless you were assuming that everyone would tell you what you wanted to hear.
I'm guessing it's the latter with the way that you're fast responding to any replies with excuses for your behaviour.

[Kentrie]

She won't tell me if she feels the same way, when I went to enroll at night school I read my discipline file and it said her mom filed harassment against me twice (not the girl I'm in love with) but her mother, I saw a complaint letter she had to write and no where in that letter did she say I harassed her, she said me and my friends harassed her mom but not her. She said I wrote her a love letter (The board members told me that telling her I loved her was sexual harassment in which some of the board members disagreed with) and she said that when she wouldn't talk to me I threatened to kill myself. For the people who think I'm a stalker, I'm not, I do not follow her around or look at her facebook but I am obsessed to know who she's dating because it's natural to feel jealousy, look in the bible. The way she looks at me is obvious that she cares about me. My friend called her mom and told her that I wanted to talk to "the girl" and my friend said her mom either said "Kentrie's not allowed to talk to my daughter" or "My daughter isn't allowed to talk to Kentrie" my friend couldn't remember. But I'm sick of this, I'm getting ready to flip out and scream the truth at her and make her listen cause if she doesn't like me she needs to tell me so I'll leave her alone, if she told me to leave her alone and she didn't care about me then I would. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't reply. I don't want to hear I'm creepy, or a stalker. Because that makes me feel suicidal and I don't want to feel that way.

[Kentrie]

It certainly sounds like an obsession to me.
You're in high school and you've been in love with her for 5 years? Since you were what? 11?

I'm just being honest about how it sounds to me. That was the point in posting this thread, right? Unless you were assuming that everyone would tell you what you wanted to hear.
I'm guessing it's the latter with the way that you're fast responding to any replies with excuses for your behaviour.

Yes, since I was 11. I do not want to argue with you so just leave me alone. And no I agree with the people I agree with because their advice sounds reasonable. You're just calling me a creep. The reason I posted this was to get advice about coming out at school but I got carried away with explaining things.

[JudahLiam]

No girl is worth killing yourself over man....you are really young you are going to meet so many more girls in your life.  Time to let this one go and maybe spend some time talking to a therapist about some of your feelings.  You will be much happier for doing so trust me.  Good Luck with everything...

[Ryan]

I'm not trying to argue with you, Kentrie. Perhaps calling you a creep was harsh, but you need help.

Also, perhaps think about why she wouldn't want to write a complaint about you:
"I saw a complaint letter she had to write and no where in that letter did she say I harassed her"
"when she wouldn't talk to me I threatened to kill myself"

[Kentrie]

No girl is worth killing yourself over man....you are really young you are going to meet so many more girls in your life.  Time to let this one go and maybe spend some time talking to a therapist about some of your feelings.  You will be much happier for doing so trust me.  Good Luck with everything...

The problem is I love her to much and it's hard to explain but I don't find any girl attractive except her, I'm talking with other girls but I can never like them more than a friend. You're right though, no girl is worth killing myself over, I believe that if god wants it to happen then it will happen and if it doesn't I'll find the one I'm supposed to be with one day but I hope that happens soon because I can't take this anymore and the only way I can get over her is if I find someone better. I hate being a teenager. People on here think I'm bad, they should see my buddy, he's actually had to go to court for stalking. I just want this obsession to stop and I just want to care about her like a normal person would. I messed up big time.

Ryan: You're right, it is an obsession and I want an excuse for my behavior and there is no excuse, I just don't want to be upset by anything. What are things that could be seen as harassment?

[Radar]

I know what you mean about loving a woman (girl) who you can't be with for whatever reasons. The best you can do is accept it. I can't be with a woman I deeply love for various complex reasons which I don't want to get into. It's hard but we both realize it's not in our best interests (for even more complex reasons). We still talk but I must remind myself that it just won't happen.

It helps that I don't see her often where it sounds like you do. Perhaps you can still be friends? That will make itself known over time. It does sounds like she's more interested in this guy. Even if she wasn't it definitely sounds like her mother would prevent any kind of relationship. You're already in trouble because of her mother- don't play with fire.

It's hard as hell to not be with the one you love and want to be with most. The best thing to do is accept this and do what's right for the both of you. Just remember that you're not the only one who has gone through this. Treat her with respect and don't do anything that could get you into farther problems. Maybe down the road things will be different, but don't expect it. Good luck.

[Kentrie]

I can't go into most of the details but I can't and won't let her go. I do what god says and that's the only person I listen to, I'm going to let this all calm down and she doesn't care about this boy more because when I am around her, I'm the only person she looks at. I refuse to tell myself it won't happen and I refuse to let her go, because I love her more than anyone in this world can imagine and she's the only person who can make me happy (this is from experience) if she looks happy and is happy when I see her, then I could be having the worst day ever but I'll be happy at once. My mother agrees with me, as do my friends.