Oh god. I have plenty of small minor ones:
1.) Bees, wasps, etc - due to severe allergy
2.) My ankle being cut
3.) Public Speaking
4.) Abandonment
5.) Being surrounded by people
6.) Abuse
etcetc
But my biggest one that has been there all my life and that is really strong? Emetophobia - fear of regurgitation.
It used to be so bad that if someone said the "TH***-UP", V-word, B-word, or P-word I would go into a severe panic attack right then and there and start scratching at my face and jabbing myself with the nearest sharp object, including my nails. Or I would run and attempt to jump off heights or into traffic.
If the action near me? I would literally start having seizures.
And people would tease me into these states.
Back when the words really affected me, about 5 therapists... all I went to, would say the word and almost even laugh at me that I was that afraid (one actually did laugh, called me a wimp and I got her fired).
I've always wanted help with this. It was getting better as I grew up. But then Hurricane Katrina happened, and my mate and I had a fight in which she threatened to regurgitate on me and I had my very first seizure... as I mentioned above I started to get them. She would continue to use that as a weapon on me the first year I was with her, so it really got bad. That and it just seemed to happen EVERYWHERE. It was mentioned all the time, it happened in the house, it would be present...
I was starting to get scared of going outside, watching movies, reading books, or anything. I wanted to hide. Each time I was faced with it, I was so close to suicide.
No therapist I have gone to as taken me seriously, they are more concerned with my father molesting me then something that is PRESENTLY making it to where I couldn't go to school, work, or even was unwilling to eat.
I still don't know what to do. I'm presented with it almost all the time. Just recently there was TWICE in elevators in the past month. I don't go to clubs, bars or even anywhere NEAR them. I feel like my life is surrounded by it, and that I'll always live in such fear.
I get flashbacks from what started my entire phobia each time. I had gotten food poisoning from a buffet. My father locked me into the bathroom (he put his heavy chair out the door) for 6 days, sliding only minimal food under the door, and I had water from the faucet to drink. I was heavily in anxiety that it had high amounts of blood and started to be pure black. I passed out quite a few times. I didn't have anything to do in there, and it's when I started cutting myself because I wanted to die. I was 7 at the time.
Apologies that I got this in detailed. I feel really weak as it is right now, and this might be the only chance that I could even vaguely appropriately even mention it.
