I got the call today. I go back into the field Monday. That's the bad news.
The good news is I'll be getting a paycheck again.
But what's better is what has happened to me the past two months, especially the last month. I'm not the same person anymore. The residual maleness is gone. The fear of discovery is gone. Heck, discovery doesn't even apply anymore. If someone sees me as feminine it is because I am. My self confidence is strong enough I would be planning on coming out if I was in a friendlier work environment.
But the best thing is I won't be needing Jim to appear at work. I am going. Yes, I'll be dressed in male clothes but so is every other woman there (whenever there is a woman on the job which is rarely). But in my mind I'll be female and I won't need to put on the macho mask to get through the day.
I knew I'd changed for real when I got the call. I had a hair appointment (finally did it!) this afternoon. And I had no intentions to ask for a gender neutral hairstyle. It was going to be all girl. And that didn't change one bit when I found out I was going back to work. Two hours later I was sitting in the chair at the salon excited about having my hair styled femininely for the first time in my life. She did a very nice job and I know I'll be keeping it up with regular visits. Two months ago I'd be scared to death someone at work would read me. And I won't be removing my gel nails. I'll file them down but I'm not removing them. If someone has a problem, it's their problem, not mine.
So in reality full time really hasn't ended. People at work may still see me as male but I never will again. The King is dead, long live the Queen!
Julie
