So, This really isn't me doing much other than ranting and raving about ME NOT SLEEPING!
Why have I not been sleeping. Dreams. That's right folks, dreams. Everytime I sleep, I dream and those dreams upset me... alot. they aren't fun dreams. At all. I'm always running or afraid and people I don't want showing up are there and I've resorted to staying up for days at a time and sleeping with an old stuffed animal husky doll because I get that scared. It's no fun and it's been going on since before my midterms. Midterms plus no sleep equals an unhappy girl.
Overall this lack of sleep has led to me being exhausted and the subject matter has left me depressed or moody. Probably a combination of both. My friends have gotten pretty friggin mean mostly gossiping since I 1) don't talk about it to them 2) they never ask 3) have been hanging out with not just them. Gossip irritates me. (On a side note, an amazing friend of mine, chris, helps me out a ->-bleeped-<-ton lately. He actually stayed up till 8 am so that I wouldn't be alone while I stayed up in the lobby and I ended up spilling my guts to him and being all point of tears liek. Good guy. A 21st century gentleman. ) BUT ANYWAY.
The dreams were apparently foreshadowing to real life and hello subject matter decides to become real...ish... I'm pretty friggin surprised. Out of nowhere, POOF BOOM EXPLOSION I feel sick to my stomach, light headed, and don't do anything about it for 2 days. I finally get the courage to and overall it doesn't help. I'm still as stuck as before.
I don't know what to do anymore. I have a lot on my plate already. Friends here and back home are pretty demanding lately, School has gotten pretty intense and I dropped 3 classes bringing me down from 18 hours to 12. Pretty damn stressful if you ask me.
I'm just really really stressed. I'm dealing with it all alone (Chris being awesome a few times aside) I mean god... Two grandparent from both sides of my bloodline got really really sick, one died... and all within a 2 week period. I wasn't allowed to go to the viewing or funeral for her either. (When I visited her grave it was like all they did was throw the standard funeral home wreath on her grave. I was so upset! ) So, here I am, miles ad miles away living with a self absorbed b*tch who can't understand that 1) I need sleep and her loud self can leave once in a while 2) ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M GRIEVING.
Another sidenote: My room mate is HELL. This chick stays up ALL NIGHT and ALL DAY in the room playing video games and crappy music. While doing so she's also watching TV, playing loud BAD music, and Yelling at 12 year olds from california (We're in Indiana) She uses my things, has me in a cramped area of the room, and if I'm in here or godforbid I have a friend in here, She gets angry. I'm sick of her. She is supposedly moving out next semester, but friggin a she can leave now. I'll move her out myself if she wants me to.
It's 8 am.... I should probably go get breakfast.... Long rant.... Sorry.
