So I suspect that my partner may be some variety of genderqueer, and I want him (he identifies as male) to feel comfortable being himself, but I don't know what to say or do. He seems to drop hints when I'm least expecting it, and I don't always react the way I want to when I'm caught off guard. For instance, one morning, he said kind of randomly, "I want to get a dress to wear around the house. I used to wear dresses at home when I was younger. They're comfortable." Because I wasn't expecting it, I just said, "Uh, OK," and went back to watching TV and drinking coffee. He's shy and very sensitive in that feminine sort of way that I find intriguing and impossible to understand. In that instance, I bet he thought my tone of voice indicated disapproval. I know that if I brought it up, he'd just find an excuse not to talk about it and then get depressed and withdrawn for a few days. He might be offended. I need to indirectly give him the message that if he wants to cross dress or whatever, it's OK by me and won't cause me to think any differently of him. (In fact, I would probably enjoy it.) How can I do that?
Also, here are some of the things that make me think he might be a cross dresser or mtf or something. Let me know if you think I might be onto something or just reading too much into things. (Maybe I secretly want him to be genderqueer because I am, myself.) Starting with the first things I noticed:
When he gets drunk and we're at home together, he puts on a skirt and then acts more feminine.
There are some female clothes that he says he really likes, but it doesn't seem to be about seeing these things worn by women - it's more that he appreciates having them around (maybe so he can wear them when he's alone?)
He's tall, and sometimes he asks me, in a serious tone, if I think tall women can be attractive.
He considers himself "one of the girls" and says things like, "I like being around lesbians because, well, I am one . . . "
Sometimes he just acts very feminine. Then he seems to get embarrassed about it and make a point of acting masculine.
At home, he prefers to wear a towel shaped into a skirt, and act feminine, and he says he'd prefer to wear a dress.
When I came out to him, he didn't act as though it was a big deal at all, and has been gently supportive as though he understands where I'm coming from.
I hope it doesn't sound judgmental to list things like that. It just feels good to write everything down and see what other people might think of it. I guess maybe the answer is to take a cue from him and support him in the same ways he's supporting me?
