My name is Paige. I'm 42, married and have wanted to be female as long as I can remember. At one point, in my early 20s, I seriously thought about the idea of transitioning, and told my doctor at the time, who put me on Prozac. I got rid of my female clothing and makeup (never dressed in public except for a few Halloweens, and surprised many people when I spoke in my male voice - somewhat encouraging), and tried to push it out of my mind.
I got married at 28, and now my wife is dying from ALS. The desire to be a woman has never left me, and I researched the idea on the Internet from time to time. Recently the desire has returned after a few visits with a therapist and a psychiatrist about the debilitating depression over my wife's condition. I have suffered from depression for many years, but it has become a lot worse over the past two years, so I sought out help. My psychiatrist asked me why I was on Prozac, and I actually told her! I then told my therapist and my doctor (all females, BTW. Never felt comfortable around males), who said she could prescribe hormones if I wanted them! Whoa, did not expect that. Still doing a lot of thinking about that one. I told my wife, but don't want to burden her with much more than my basic feelings on the subject. I am her primary caregiver, and have not been able to work for several months as I have to stay home and take care of her.
My therapist thinks this may be coming up again as my wife is dying and I'm starting to consider how I will live the rest of my life. Makes sense to me. The more I think about it, the more I realize that life is short, and you never know what can happen, so why not try to be happy?
I'm not sure what will come of all this, but I needed to get it out there. I'm hoping to find resources in my area (Bakersfield, CA) so I can investigate my options.
Thanks,
Paige
