The universe is mean

[Layn]

it really is! it seems like over and over again it tries to nearly out me to people i know!

like the first time i went shopping in a store in this city. it's a student city and pretty small all things considered. i always hear how friends keep meeting people they know. not me, i'm pretty often downtown but never see anyone. but the first time ever i get brave enough to go shopping for female clothes, suddenly i hear someone calling me, and then i see like 3 friends of mine! luckily i was looking at jeans, and it was just beside the male jeans, so i had an excuse and they seemed to buy it.

and, just now! i had to go to the supermarket, one that is really close to me and a couple of friends who live around here. However i never see anyone i know there. so, i decided i didn't want to change to male clothes, so instead i wore my usual unisex hoody over my female clothes (honestly apart from the pants i looked like always. Though the pants did look REALLY feminine imho). I was all nervous (seriously, those pants look nothing like male pants!) and as i enter the supermarket i'm immediately met by laughter. "nono, they aren't laughing at me, even though that one guy is looking straight at me. just ignore" so i ignore them. and then i notice a friend standing right there. i moved into a different direction and then there he was again, and again and again. i swear he looked at me a couple of times, but he didn't seem to register it, so after buying everything i needed i got out without him ever having seen me.

seriously, there must be some sentience out there with a perverse pleasure in seeing me panic

has the universe ever put you in similar situations?

[VeryGnawty]

The universe is mean

I've been trying to tell people this for years, and they still won't listen.

[rejennyrated]

I know coming out is frightening - but seen from the perspective of being about 46 years ago I would say that it was the best thing that the infant me ever did.

Seriously it's one of those things where the sooner you get it out the way the better. Because I have almost always been either out, or transitioned, I never had any of those sorts of situation. I can understand that they were un-nerving but perhaps the answer is to let the truth be seen.

My experience has been that people take a lot of their cue from you yourself when deciding whether or not to give you a hard time. If you seem comfortable and confident and relaxed they are far less likely to try and give you a hard time than if you seem like a cat on hot bricks.

[regan]

My experience has been that people take a lot of their cue from you yourself when deciding whether or not to give you a hard time. If you seem comfortable and confident and relaxed they are far less likely to try and give you a hard time than if you seem like a cat on hot bricks.

Animals smell fear.  Looks has something to do with passing, like don't dress like Donna Reed and then go grocery shopping and not expect to attract attention to yourself, trans or cis.  Attitude probably has more to do with it, don't let your fear, anxiety, etc attract the kind of attention to you that someone's going to start picking apart your gender presentation.  As in, show no fear and no one will notice you have "man hands".

[Layn]

oh, don't worry about that. i'll deal with that, i just found it funny how every time i did something for the first time, there just happened to be a couple of my friends to almost catch me

[regan]

oh, don't worry about that. i'll deal with that, i just found it funny how every time i did something for the first time, there just happened to be a couple of my friends to almost catch me

There's no wrong answers here, but could you just be more aware of your surroundings when you're doing something (implied to be "naughty") for the first time?

[spacial]

oh, don't worry about that. i'll deal with that, i just found it funny how every time i did something for the first time, there just happened to be a couple of my friends to almost catch me

May I suggest a tactic.

You have allowed your friends and others to know you in a certain way, that is clearly uncomfortable. You feel a need to hide part of what you are.

Next time you're looking at clothes, look at the female clothes. If anyone asks, say you like them. If they respond that that is poofy, look straight at them, with a slight smile and say, I suppose your girlfriends dress like boys then?

Take a gradual approach.

But remember, those that don't accept you are not worth bothering about. If you limit youself for popularity, you are selling yourself short.

You're better than that.