First off, if this isn't the right place to post this, feel free to move it and or delete it.
I was just hoping anyone who was emotionally abused as a child might be able to offer me some advice and guidance.
I apologize in advance for this lengthy post!
..So basically, from age 1-13 my mother and father would move us (my two older brothers and I) from house to house, city to city. Literally ateast once a year and one year was THREE moves. They had a "grass is greener on the other side" philosophy. My mom always blamed it all on my father (who was physically and verbally abusive) yet she never made any effort to get us outta there. Literally. She would sleep all day, "let" us skip school so she wouldn't have to get out of bed. I'd say throughout elementary school and jr.high i missed an accumulated month and a half of school (each year). It may seem hard to believe but it's the truth. At the time, I was super close to my mother and thought she was my heroe, but after some brief counseling and a lot of research, my mom falls under the emotionally needy-abusive mother. Needless to say, parents divorced at 13. Me, mom, and two brothers moved in with moms friend, all sharing ONE bedroom for about 6 months. Meanwhile mom still slept most of the day away (she must have been DEPRESSED) Anyway, so she finally meets a new guy who is pretty wealthy. About a month later we move in with him. It was hard to adjust because right away, my mom became a new person. We never had any rules or structure our whole lives, she would smoke cigarettes until the wee hours of the night and "let" us hang with her, (my dad worked graveyards but he was useless anyway). So now with the stepdad we all of a sudden had rules, a bedtime, weren't allowed to use "foul" language and literally our world was turned upside down. My stepdad took authority immediately, there was no transition. It just was. My mom stayed this way for almost four years, and even when he wasn't around she would still keep up the act. Downright CREEPY. The sad thing is, I started to adjust quite nicely, I was doing great in school, had a great social life, things were generally pretty stable and good. So then a little after I turned 16 my mom just QUIT. She went back to her old ways. Chain smoking (in secret, literally will sneak a cigarette then spray herself down and pop a mint.) She has told me that the only reason she is with him is for financial security and that we are lucky she made that sacrifice for us. She started "letting" me skip school again, of course this was horrible for me, but I was still a child and could only see the short term benefits of missing school. She started keeping major secrets from stepdad, hiding bills, lying constantly, taking money from their account and putting it in mine because "she needed her own money, for the casino and stuff! just keep quiet about it" She's just caused me so many problems. It has led to me being extremely depressed and alcohol dependent. I now am 19. I have no "real" job and I don't go to school. I drink all night, and sleep ALL day. I have tried telling my mom that I need guidance and help, and that I think I am depressed but she just tells me to GET OVER IT. But it's hard. She's living a lie. WE'RE living a lie. NOone knows about our past, and she puts the blame on us and says we're bad, but me and my brother are both exactly the same. "losers" coincidence? I think not. I need help. Am I crazy, should I just "get over it" and somehow try to force myself to function? Or Is she as bad as I think she is and should I seek professional help? I really just don't know. All of the lying has put me in this weird place where I just am so out of touch with reality. It's so frustrating because I want to go to school and function but I can't. I feel consumed by the double life we all live at home..
Thanks
